Dream State

in #life6 years ago

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I approached the cafe where I normally meet my mate Daz and his youngest child (so far) on a Monday morning. Every step was an effort and it seemed like the cafe was a shimmering mirage taunting me in the distance always dancing out of reach.

Eventually, though I arrived. I flumped down at the table he sat at and exhaled like an old shoe in a vacuum.

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His child was awake and flapping about with a toy in her pram.

Mine was asleep and firmly strapped to my front. He had been asleep for the whole journey there.

Hey dude! Man, you look rough?

Wee bastard was up all night, screaming. Must be teeth, I am knackered. Fucking knackered. I can't think or anything. I'm a pure state.

I panted as if I had just masturbated a tough old bull into a cup.

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Daz smiled, the pain au chocolat he had been eating staining his front teeth and making him look like a Libyan pirate.

Ah, it's murder eh! Still. It's a temporary thing.

I gave him a red-eyed look. It was not like him to be so positive. I am used to being the positive one whilst he drowns in a sea of negativity.

Aye, temporary. Only a year or so to go and then I will be back to my old self.

I muttered sulkily.

Don't get me wrong, mate. I feel for you. I ain't looking forward to the sleepless nights again.

Something tickled my brain. What did he mean, again? I knew his wife was pregnant but he had a baby the same age as my little boom. He should be in the same nick as me?

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Was he seriously implying that he didn't suffer from the night wakenings? How could this be?

Doesn't Lorna wake up at night?

I said tentatively. Hoping against hope that he would say of course she does!

No mate, she has slept through since she was about nine months old. It's fucking magic actually.


Upon hearing this I threw my own child aside and surged up into an adrenalin-fuelled leap 20 foot into the air. Time slowed and as Daz gazed up in amazement I slammed down with both my mighty feet smearing his head into nothing but gritty paste on the ground.


Ooft, you are tired mate, you totally drifted off there.

Huh. Did I?

I looked about confusedly. The cafe owner caught my eye and I signalled for the usual coffee before turning back to what Daz was saying.

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In fact, both our kids have been amazing sleepers. We have been blessed in that regard.

I gazed at him, in my head I thought of how long we had been friends. How many good times we had experienced together and how now I would have to kill him.

That's very lucky. I am... I am so happy for you.

He leaned forward, some errant pastry flakes falling from his chin as if he had been felating someone with bad eczema.

I tell you, if I don't get at least 8 or 9 hours straight through sleeping. I am a nightmare!


I slammed the knife from his pain au chocolate right into the centre of his forehead. Instead of plunging in, it scraped off to the side exposing a section of bloody chrome.

Daz leapt backward and grabbed his child. He tore her skin off to expose a sleek and powerful looking gun. Aha. He was never a parent at all.

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Just some future cyborg sent into the past to taunt me. I rolled to the side to avoid the heavy, booming gunfire coming from his gun-that-once-was-a-child and pulled my left leg off. It was also a gun. We ducked and dived (I hopped) and exchanged shots at one another. Finally, I plugged him with a lucky shot to the head.

But a wise man once told me we make our own luck...


Fuck, you were away again. I had to move your coffee. I thought you were going to fall asleep in it!

Yeah, I don't think I have been this bad in a while.

I started drinking my coffee, it seemed to help.

You get up to much at the weekend?

Said Daz noticing the current conversation wasn't going well.

I went to Dundee yesterday.

I said mournfully.

Fuck.

Daz shook his head.

You poor bastard.

I stirred my coffee.

I know, I can still smell it.

We sat back and mused over the shitness of Dundee and of sleepless babies.

Don't worry mucker, one day... One day, we will be King's again, eh!

I smiled desperately.

Aye mate. One day...

Sort:  

I’m going to say something that will disturb you . 3 months. Booooooommmmmmm. 8 hours a night ! Jurassic Park !

Posted using Partiko iOS

Noooooooooooo!!! :0p

Hahaha!! You are just jealous that Daz has a child who is an amazing sleeper while yours wake up crying in the wee hours of the night. I like the action bits at the end of the story. Quite bombastic. Upvoted!

I really am jealous! I wish it was me!!

My middle child slept through from the day she was born. Made us both panic the first day as we were used to the eldest wakin every 2hrs for a feed just about on the hour. But she was fine, just slept for 12hrs and was starving when she finally woke up XD

LoL those dream sequences were awesome! You need to animate this entire story, it would be a really fun and slightly surreal short XD Although I don't understand why you'd want to end the poor guy when his only major failing here was to have a baby that's actually a gun that sleeps through XD

Not another one! It seems like everyone has or had children that sleep through!!

Dontcha know that is the only logical thing to do to a childhood friend when they tell you such terrible things!! :0)

Obviously I've been doing it allwrong then,I usually get happy for them XD

If it's any consolation my boys probably slept like the boomlet XP

Oops, ah yes. Murder did I say? What I meant was that I am incredibly happy for those folk ;0D

Children sure can be hard work. But like you say it passes . Just curious. Why do you not work on Mondays? I think it is awesome to skip work on a Monday. Imagine you had to go to work in that state...

I do longer hours during the week to get a Monday off, it's quite awesome. It's for childcare because it costss a fortune over here for nursery so it actually saves money! And it's cool having a three day weekend!

Those dream scenes were awesome. What doesn't go through our minds when we are dog tired...

It makes us mad when we are that tired!

@meesterboom ooh noo friend I pity you, you reminded me of my nights when my three children were small, but over time they forget and remain as anecdotes
I wish you a happy rest

When they become anecdotes I am quite sure I will be a happy happy man!

Only a year or so to go and then I will be back to my old self.

Don't believe that stuff for a second. You might emerge from the bleary haze, but you will never be the same.

Posted using Partiko Android

Ah, I getcha. I will be reborn anew from the crucible as it were.

Hopefully with superpowers!! :0D

Poor you and my brother, Nora didn't start sleeping through the night until recently and she'll be two in December- that's horrible man! I won't tell you about my own kids for fear of a knife in the forehead hahaha, I'm pretty sure my brother has had similar daydreams about me. But to be fair, I had two stepsons that gave me bloody hell for years so it was only right that my babies slept through the night rather early (by four months.... ;0)

Oh lordy. My daughter was nearly three full she slept through. It's been so bad this week. I honestly feel as if I am on drugs. Everything is so spacey!

Ah well, there's always coffee and when coffee won't do there is wine!

I noticed you hadn't posted chica, everything alright?

Three!! Poor you!

Everything is fine, been in Vermont visiting family for my cousin's baby shower and it's been tough to get online, every night has resulted in late get togethers- lots of catching up and sweet sweet beer! :)

I love those times. I am seriously missing since down time. The good lady is on call for doula'ing and I am being good for her sake. Meh...

Aww, 'You da man!' She's a lucky lady :)

howdy sir meesterboom! lol. freakin funny as always and that image at the top is hilarious too, great job on it all! now go get some sleep. you might have to start taking naps at work.

Cheers mate, I was quite proud of that one!!

I'm off to bed!

Oh Daz... Sweet, sweet Daz. Now that you acknowledged it, it's only a matter of time now, as they say, it's never too late to have a baby that doesn't sleep through. I hope he prays to all that is good and holy that his nextborn is the same as the older ones. By the looks of it, all the sleep has drained and the next one is on track to be asleep for only 30 minutes per night. Enjoy all the sleep you can, Daz.

Maybe the little lady and The Mountain inherited your creative dream outbursts but they couldn't interpret it so they just wake up crying instead? Maybe they think it's all happening for real and they just can't even?

Oh thats a fantastic theory! I like it a lot and it explains everything!!!!!!

Right?? Right!? That's why I'm bracing myself for days of no sleep when I have my own spawn!!

Stock up!! Stock up as hard as you can!!

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