Chained To Horses
Daddy-Bear, look at the car, it's a bloody state. When was the last time you washed it?
I was heading out to the shops for supplies and the Good Lady had stopped in dismay when she was helping me take some bags out to the car. Despite the storms we have been having recently it was quite dirty.
In fact, it was a mucky pup.
Well, it's fucking winter, lass. It's too cold to be out there in my denim hotpants giving the car a soapy tit wank.
I made a chuckling noise like fat spubbling down a drain.
Besides, if you leave them long enough they start to self-clean.
I smacked my own arse as if it were a horse in appreciation of my own humour.
Very funny. My hair did self-clean that time.
The Good Lady scowled at me as if daring me to take that one any further.
For the sake of potential future night fumblings, I decided to take another tack.
So, yeah. It's too cold. But you know, if you ever feel like it, you could give it a wash yourself?
I said with one of those smiles that couples share when they move their Knight to F6.
Me?!
The Good Lady looked aghast at the idea.
Yeah, you. You know. Like, remember those women who chained themselves to horses or some mad shit to get the vote. Same thing. Emancipation or some such fucking nonsense.
I grinned as the Good Lady shook her head and hmmph'd at me before retreating indoors.
I jumped in the car, chortling like a mad old fool who has just found a pickled onion in his chips and headed off to the shops.
Later, after getting the supplies from the shops I stopped to get petrol. Whilst I was jamming the hose into my cars filthy mouth, I noticed a sign.
POWER WASH 'N WAX - £5
I stared at it thoughtfully. A car wash? I had never actually put my car in a car wash before. I had always done it the old school way. You know, wearing a tight t-shirt and rubbing myself soapily all over the car whilst winking at my elderly neighbours.
I looked at the car, it was a right old state indeed. A fiver was nothing really. Maybe just this once I could get it washed properly? Hmm. I headed to the counter to pay and get more info.
IT DIZ YER TYRES AND AW THAT SHIT ANAW.
The words of the dude at the counter rung in my ears as I drove the car around the back into the car wash, clutching my little voucher which I pushed into the willing slot at in front of the big whirly car wash machine.
I drove in and it started.
The brushes spun up really quickly and started to move slowly over the car, it looked as if I was getting swallowed into the belly of a ravenous beast and I momentarily felt giddy.
BRRRRRRRRR
The brushes squirted white soapy foam over my car's face and then rubbed it in with their swirly bits.
I sat in my car captivated by it all. This was fucking magic. Seriously amazing. I half wondered if I should get my penis out?
Like all paid services, it was over far too quickly.
As I drove out, an idiotic smile on my face, the guy at the counter shouted.
See you next week then!
I nodded.
Aye, this was gonna be my new thing. If I went to the car wash often enough I wouldn't have to worry about getting the missus pregnant.
Result.
I'm reminded of the day hubby took the rag top through the car wash and we were trying to plug all the leaks up like that little dutch boy with the dam. Ah, the days when we were young, free and unburdened by ankle biters.
Oh those were the days!! Of the unburdened I mean!! Not of plugging up the gaps in the roof, lol!!
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Those things are thrilling. I have always felt a bit ashamed of my love of the car wash, but now that meesterboom approves I am feeling more confident. My grandma has to get on the floorboard during it - too much motion. This just confirms that it is like a roller coaster for old people or people old at heart. Perfect.
This evening I pulled that "why don't you do it" move on my husband. He emerged from his office and said to the children "What are you all doing up so late?" And I said "Why don't you put them to bed?" There was so much backpedaling that he ended up back in his office.
Hahaha, you know in that situation I would be backpedaling myself. In fact I would probably end up in another county.
It is a weird sense of motion, at first I was convinced I had not put the brake on and that I was rolling. After that passed I just sat back and enjoyed the Idly therapeutic show!!
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Sacrilege!
A car wash Boom? Come on mate, your car deserves better than to be cleansed in such an impersonal way...Although though there was ample white fluid squirting so possibly....No! Just NO.
It seems you're intent on subjecting it to more of the same too...
I never use the auto wash...But then I live in a land where it's perpetually warm and sunny so I sort of get it, you have a reasonable excuse. Still, how could you possibly deprive those elderly neighbours of your tight shirt, denim hot pants soapy-tit-wank car washing? The old duck probably lives for your car washing exploits.
It is quite a coincidence that old Jean next door always comes out for a chat when I am getting all sudsy with the car!
I mean, when it is warm I actually find it quite satisfying but I live in the land of Winter. Cleaning your car in this weather gives you strange blue hands and sore nipples from the wet cold chaffing.
Oh god, it hurts even thinking about it!
I actually smiled just there thinking about leaning back in my seat with the stereo on loud whilst the whitting rubbery things beat my car with the salty soapy nonsense :OD!
!ENGAGE 30 !
Sick man, but ya know I love it!
Hey, that car in your post image. Is that A Volkswagen Fastback? Looks like one. I had one of them back in the day.
Lol, it could be, it was just a random car I nabbed from pixabay!!
Ah ok. It's remarkable they also had that dude in the image that sort of resembles you, but isn't as handsome. Lol.
Hehe, all thanks to my amazing phone photoshoppery!! :0D
You're a tech-wizard!
I will let my phone take most of the credit. I just prod at the screen :0)
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O I love those car washes - I press my face against the window when the brushes comes past - we unfortunately do not have many of them here these day - all power sprayers and hand wash. Boring
I am a convert too now. It saves me getting all bored and wet!! :0)
One day I'll put up a photo of my car in the state it gets to while all the crap from my beloved trees are falling on it (I wait til the tree is done before bothering to wash it as otherwise it's a neverending losing battle). It will severely traumatise @galenkp and make the rest of you who feel bad about the state of your cars revel in the comparative cleanliness ;D
Wahahaha, see, I'm not really fussed when it comes to car cleanliness, the good lady on the other hand seems to have a thing about it!!
I bet you're is mawkit by the sounds of it though, lol!!
A triple win there it seems. Except for the elderly, until 'taps aff' days of course.
Mmm, taps aff.. coming soon hopefully!!! :0D
The elderly will fully agree and cheer: "Make it so!” 😄
Haha that's what I like about the elderly, they are an agreeable sort :0)
LOL!!!
You were lucky to get out alive after suggesting that your wife wash the car lol!
This story brings to mind the "magic basket and magic table"....hehehe, my man finds it HILAAAAARIOUS - and needless to say because it is so bloody true.
No doubt you will enjoy it too... make sure you go for your next carwash before you show it to your wifey haha!!
Wahahaha. I have seen this, it's awesome and is a pretty good sun up is a bloke take on things. Lol!!!
lol yip, agreed!.... bloody boys :P
Sounds like you had a grand time at the car wash. But then you always have fun. 😂
I try my best to enjoy things! :0)
The best part is when you befriend the guy that works at the car wash and he gives you "extra service" for no extra money after the automatic wash! My guy cleans my tires, the interior of my car, he sometimes even goes and gets an extra product just for my car!!
If they did the inside of my car I would sell them my soul!!!! I just find one that does it all!!
Ha! I love the car wash. I graduated from hand jobs long ago lol.
Hahaha!! It's awesome ain't it. I can't believe I have gone this long without automatic intervention!!! :0D