36 Days Sober: A Look Back at my Last Year of Drinking.

in life •  last year

I have not drank in 36 days...


I honestly can't remember the last time I could say that. Even when I was at my healthiest, doing yoga, jogging daily I still drank a decent amount of wine once a week. It has been probably many years since I went 36 days without a drop of alcohol. I am not feeling the amazing effects of quitting drinking because I am a very sick person and I have auto immune issues that will take a long time to heal. I have already lost 8lbs however without any effort. I guarantee you if I were still drinking instead of going DOWN in weight I probably would be up about 8lbs which means I would likely be waddling around almost 20lbs heavier on my way to morbid obesity.

It's also gotten to a point where I am not constantly checking my "stop drinking" app to see how long I have been sober. It is becoming just days going by naturally without much thought about alcohol. I checked at my 30 day mark and not again until 36 days out of curiosity. 36 days ago the idea of stopping drinking terrified me and the first week was really hard. I was drinking heavily at that point, every day. I had given up on life, and on fixing my body. It was....bad.


This is my 30 day "chip" I decided to go REALLY abstract.

I blacked out probably.... at least 6 times last year and usually woke up with serious injuries. Often bleeding along my scalp which is pretty scary when you think about it. I was barely escaping death every time I got so drunk I smashed my head into concrete or linoleum, a few inches in another direction and I could have hit my temple and not be here today writing this story. Not to mention I was suicidal. I still am but I am not actively suicidal. My life is hellish right now so, yes, the thought is there that it would be better off dead but the difference is that when I am sober I don't act on it. I observe it and let it pass and go about my day. When I was drinking I would play "Johnny Cash Hurt" or "Between the Bars" by Elliot Smith on repeat while chain smoking until I got the "courage" to hang myself. I can't really count how many times I tried to end my life last year but as you can find by looking back in my blog I almost succeeded once.

That surprisingly wasn't what made me stop drinking. That was just the first straw. I didn't want to quit badly enough. I still wanted to be dead if we are being honest. No, the thing that did it was seeing a doctor and getting on meds for my condition. Even though these meds aren't working and even though my urologist sucks and I want a new one I am now actively fighting this illness. This made me stop drinking. Hell, I even put aside my veganism for the time being in the interest of my health. Somewhere along the line I decided my life was worth fighting for again. I started to care about myself. THAT is when I quit drinking. Nobody else could stop me and I couldn't stop myself without at least a bit of self love.

Here's to me and my health. cheers



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good on ya, mama! i just quit smoking two months ago and the difference is amazing (though i've packed on weight because of it rather than lost it)...but seriously, nice work! love that chip too! :P

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I stopped smoking the same time I quit drinking! :) Congrats!

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holy shit...congrats! two big ones at the same time! i'm still a fan of my booze (which i need to slow down on), but seriously...that's phenomenal.

keep up the good work, being sober journey is tough but advantages are infinite :)

Deugs and alcohol destroy your life and dreams. Goodjob!

Big congrats for your 36 days without alcoho @lauralemons. Hope you'll be in health everyday, and would like to sharing us about your bad or good moment, your experience here in your articles. I'm glad to read it all. Cheers from Aceh.

I can totally relate to your story.
After my mum passed July of 2016, i hit the weed REALLY HARD.
I guess i was using it as a bandaid.
My life was basically get paid, pay rent, buy cat food / litter,
and then smoke the rest.
Then april this year i thought to myself,
fk this, im done.
Gave up, right there, on the spot.
20+ years of being a pothead, ended.

kudos to you and your struggle.
cant wait to hear more. *follows

Good work. Keep at it. You're at 36.25 days sober as of this comment.

This is the first time I'm stopping by. I'm new to your blog and found you by way of the badges you made on @lenadr 's posts. I know I'm new but I'm glad you are here, I'm glad you're writing and I'm glad you started to fight!

No brainer to hit the follow button, looking forward to reading more :D

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I'm not sure if you know this or not, and I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this, but Laura committed suicide on September 7th. She valued Steemit SO very much and I thank you and everyone else who has given her support and followed her on here for providing her with a loving and inspirational community.

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I actually found out the day after I found her blog, read her posts and commented, I was so shocked and saddened to find out, I never knew her but I could tell she was a lovely person and a great friend <3

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Why did she upvote me within the last two hours?

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I had a pattern recognition failure when I saw her upvote. I had just read a ZH story: http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-10-13/shot-vegas-security-guard-cancels-media-goes-missing-i-can-confirm-his-family-has-ga

In it, there was an independent researcher "Laura Loomer". I recognized the alliteration, but my pattern-matcher failed because this is Laura Lemons and she was Loomer.

However, that was enough for me to click her name and check her recent stories, and this one resonated because I want to stop drinking. Then I see this tragedy reported, and it negatively juxtaposes with her upvoting my post in the past two hours. Here's the post:

https://steemit.com/steemgigs/@libertyteeth/steemgigs-idea-steemit-agent

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She's gone man...commited suicide...

Laura and I had so much fun during her 41 days of sobriety.