Crisis or just a cry?
I might have made a huge financial mistake. Do you have strict no lend policy, do you create a monthly budget, do you give in for family and friends and throw that budget out the window?
You guessed it, I do and did all the above. Some people are kin to negotiating and saying no. However, if my mom comes to me with a logical explanation pledging for help, how am I to say no?
The Story....
We are in the process of remodeling and per usual a few unexpected expected expenses came up. The house is a few decades old and needed a new AC unit and electrical update to install the new appliances in the kitchen. The money set aside for the remodel did not include these last minute update.
It has been a little over a month and the repairs are coming to the final stages and money just isn't there.
Your lack of preparation
Isn't an emergency for me just you. You may be thinking they shouldn't have started without planning for the unplanned. Your not wrong, but it happened. We are here. They need just under $3,000 and I offered to gift them $1000 and created a payment plan for the remaining.
What would you do?
I don't want to hear what they should have done to prevent from being in this situation or how giving in will create a bad habit of them always asking me for money. I want to know what you would have done to help resolve the issue?
This is pretty relevant to something that my and my husband are going through right now. We have a family member who is, let's say, known for mooching. But he is troubled and does have obvious mental health issues. We just don't want to be enablers, so we are being generous, but he knows we have expectations.
We don't want to be manipulative, but we do want him to grow and learn to take responsibility for his own choices, rather than make choices for him.
When it comes to lending money to people, I don't do it with the expectation of ever receiving that back. If it's important to them, they will find a way to pay it back, even if it's like $20 here and there. Most of the time, however, we don't see a dime. If we don't expect it, then we aren't upset.
You said it all when you said you don't lend money to people expecting to get it back. Thanks for the wisdom that you shared! I needed to hear it.
I think when we expect something in return...paying back, or some form of "thanks," then we get bitter when it doesn't happen, and bitterness only affects us, not them.
When WE expect something, that is the key of success. Give without expecting to receive, lending has become like a gamble.
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Good write up @KubbyElizabeth honestly there's no right or wrong answer for this one. You have to follow what's right in your heart. Money makes fueds, between friends and families. If you feel you should help them help, if you don't, then don't. Not to sound mean but if. Sometimes you feel you shouldn't that is not a bad thing, even if it's a family member. Sometimes people have to learn. But every situation is difficult and different.
Thanks for commenting, you are so right. It is easier said then done, family pulls on heart strings I have little control or discipline over.
Understandable, I'm the same way.
I'm not alone! :)
Sounds like the history is they won't pay it back. If so, then yes, you have to go into it as a gift and be pleasantly surprised when it comes back. If it's habitual, you might do well to find a way to learn to say no, or wean them off by giving less than they ask for. I said ask for because in this example it's really not a need. If they ask for say $1,000, give them $500 and let them know that's all you can spare, But truly, only you can answer the question because only you have to live with the consequences.
I like your suggestion. Give less then they need and slowly wean them off. BRILLIANT IDEA
No one but you needs to know how much you actually have :)
And you choose how much you can spare. Or are willing to spare, so when you give them whatever amount and say that's all you can spare, it's the truth, no guilt
True, that way I'm not lying. That is important!
I kinda figured it was for you
You know me so well <3
educated guess ;)
So well educated! <3