This is pretty relevant to something that my and my husband are going through right now. We have a family member who is, let's say, known for mooching. But he is troubled and does have obvious mental health issues. We just don't want to be enablers, so we are being generous, but he knows we have expectations.
We don't want to be manipulative, but we do want him to grow and learn to take responsibility for his own choices, rather than make choices for him.
When it comes to lending money to people, I don't do it with the expectation of ever receiving that back. If it's important to them, they will find a way to pay it back, even if it's like $20 here and there. Most of the time, however, we don't see a dime. If we don't expect it, then we aren't upset.
You said it all when you said you don't lend money to people expecting to get it back. Thanks for the wisdom that you shared! I needed to hear it.
I think when we expect something in return...paying back, or some form of "thanks," then we get bitter when it doesn't happen, and bitterness only affects us, not them.
When WE expect something, that is the key of success. Give without expecting to receive, lending has become like a gamble.