When all else fails, scream.
The hardfork happened. I don't rightly care. I'm trying to keep myself in a state of acceptance and flowing with life while it feels like the world is falling apart. I keep trying to look for the good (and there is good), when so much is going wrong.
Yesterday I had to leave my sweet Toby cat at the vet. He will be there for a few days. I spent much of the day crying.
Besides the sadness of worrying about my beloved kitty and the way it triggered me to mourn my last two cats all over again, there is a looming anger. A sense of helplessness.
I want to scream, but I stay quiet, because I don't want to concern my neighbours. They probably wouldn't even care. I saw this on FB today and shared it (originally posted by Suzanne Sterling). Figured I'd share it here, too.
I feel helpless because the vet bill will be large, and will just add more weight to the burden my partner bears providing for us. I live in the country, 30 minutes from town, and don't have much for money-making options up here. It's also one more hurdle blocking me from getting a dog. Maybe the foster puppy was too much stress on my kitty. Maybe I can't afford a dog anyway.
I look around at my things and wonder what I should sell. I look at my unfinished deck and wonder if we can get the railings on and get our occupancy permit so my insurance company won't freak out if I have yoga classes here.
I look at the assholes in government and the fires that are taking so many trees, killing wildlife and displacing so many, and wonder how we as a species are going to survive.
We only have one planet. Don't they care about the air we breathe and the water we drink? How are people so greedy that they welcome the sickening of our entire ecosystem?
Perhaps today I will scream. Yell and roar and let it all out.
I will also do yoga, and send healing light to my kitty, and to the world. I will continue to acknowledge the good people, who exist in great numbers, who love our planet and are helping by planting trees and choosing to change habits that are detrimental to our continued existance.
Life is a yin-yang. It is delightful, and it is horrifying. It brings joy and deep, heart-wrenching sorrow.
Hanging onto my surfboard over here. Keep breathing, y'all.
Love is stronger than fear.
Dragon art commissioned from Liiga Smilshkalne.