Fumbling Toward Jesus: When Depression Strikes (1 Kings 19:5)
James 5:17 describes the prophet Elijah as “a man with a nature like ours,” and when we observe him during the scene in today’s verse, he was definitely in a state of depression. He had retreated to a place (out into the wilderness, to be exact) all by himself, he was feeling loads of self-pity and disappointment, he was sleeping too much, and he even went so far as expressing he wanted to die (1 Kings 19:4). Super depressed, y’all.
Any of that sound familiar? If you’re at all like me, you can definitely relate to this scene. Your efforts have been futile. You’re disappointed in people and you’re even more disappointed in yourself. You feel like everything is going wrong. Instead of seeking comfort from a friend, you totally retreat from people and find a space to be utterly alone. You sleep more than normal. Being awake feels like a chore. Forget bathing or eating. Too much effort.
Depression is really tough, and it can consume us like a fire. When you’re in that kind of state, the mundane becomes really hard. Sometimes, getting out of bed and taking a shower can feel like the hardest things in the entire world. Sometimes such a simple task as eating—this is basic self-care—can be a challenge when we are depressed. This is the nature of depression. It’s the reality. Some of us struggle with it more than others, but this is the reality of the human condition.
The angel who appeared to Elijah had warm bread and a jar of water waiting for him, but Elijah had to get up and eat it (1 Kings 19:6). In his weakness, the angel met Elijah halfway. Oswald Chambers writes, “The inspiration which comes to us in this way is an initiative against depression; we have to do the next thing and do it in the inspiration of God.”
Elijah’s personal efforts to combat his depression on his own only served to drive it more deeply within him, but this seemingly simple call to get up and eat made all the difference. One foot in front of the other, in acts of simple obedience in the everyday things, one day at a time.
When I first became sober, I fought a lot of depression. I fought my own brain. Some of it was chemical withdrawal, and some of it was psychological withdrawal. It was tough. It was more of an uphill climb than I even realized as I was going through it. As an INFP personality, I am super hard on myself and I constantly fight falling short of my own personal expectations (which are usually unattainably high), and this can often result in feelings of depression and personal defeat. It’s not just a seasonal thing, it’s not a short-term thing, and it’s not going away. This is something I’ll have to cope with for the rest of my life, but using drugs and alcohol definitely wasn’t working. I had to find new ways.
I had no idea where to start, so eventually I found myself going back to the time to before I used chemicals to cope—what did I do to decompress? What did I do to relieve my anxiety? And all of a sudden I had a starting point to rediscover the activities that brought peace and joy into my daily life.
My routines changed. Taking a nice hot bath with essential oiled epsom salt is a total luxury. Playing music for fun (as opposed to rehearsal) brought me so much comfort, as did writing. I love putting together challenging jigsaw puzzles. My weakness for true crime novels also presented itself (I sure do love a good true crime story). The call to start this blog and subsequent podcast came out of this time, as well. This is the stuff I love doing more than using drugs and drinking alcohol. It feels good to know that stuff about myself.
During the last 6 months, I have prayed more than I’ve ever prayed in my entire life. I immerse myself in Bible study, and I not only found some really great feel-good activities, but also found some incredible strength from God to rise above the depression. In faith, I have confidence I’ll be delivered. It won’t ever go away, but I can rest assured that He’s taking care of me. His plans are larger than any temporary pain I might be feeling.
There’s a table that you’ve prepared for me. In the presence of my enemies It’s Your body and Your blood You shed for me— This is how I fight my battles. From “This Is How I Fight My Battles” by North Point Worship
BTW, this worship tune is so great, and it’s included on the new Fumbling Toward Jesus playlist on Spotify.
While we may not always be able to thwart the human throes of depression, we can trust that if we lean into the Father during those times of personal struggle, our own portions will be prepared for us. Remember, He loves you. He’s got you covered. He will bring you through it.............
How do you cope with your own seasons of depression? Are they effective methods? Why or why not?
Drop a comment with your answers!
Consulted References:
Chambers, Oswald. My Utmost For His Highest. Barbour Publishing, 1935.
Wiersbe, Warren. The Wiersbe Bible Commentary: Old Testament. p. 559-560. David C. Cook, 2007.
I am Jessamyn Orchard (@jessamynorchard), and I am a former youth pastor, worship minister, and church lay leader, who graduated from a Christian college. Most recently, however, I’m an addict in recovery who rededicated my life to Jesus about 6 months ago. I was raised in church, and saved at age 12, but I did a lot of straying over the past 10+ years, falling into pits of sin through addictions and self-pity. I’m no authority, just a believer in a big God and called to spread His word through as many conduits as present themselves to me. Fumbling Toward Jesus is a multi-media ministry campaign and includes a written blog of daily devotions on Steemit and an accompanying monthly podcast on Anchor.fm, and it represents years of study—both over the years and lately, and now combined with a whole load of human experience. I’m just a super nerdy sinner saved by a really awesome grace.
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