Why some people should never have children!

in #life3 years ago (edited)

                                

Life often works in mysterious ways, and we do not always understand the reason behind certain things. One of the things that has always bothered me in life, is that so many people have kids, and then they just don't look after these kids as they should. 

I mean, why have children if you would not spend all your time and energy on that child to give him/her the best life possible? Is it not our duty as parents to give a child all the love and protection that they need at all times?

Then there are parents that would give everything in life just to have one child, and they just never get pregnant. I have seen many childless people who would be far better parents to children than what their own parents are. 

For the last twenty six years I have been a teacher and I have seen many children come and go. There is such a vast difference between children who has the support of their parents and those who don't. I once had a single parent who lived in a small flat.  She had three kids and they had to sleep on the floor because they did not have beds to sleep on. 

Due to the welfare system here in South Africa, those kids were apparently better off with the mother, but she did not have the means to look after them?  At school we were able to feed the children one decent meal per day, but we could not look after her youngest child. Then her baby got sick, and the worst thing ever happened.  Her baby died due to neglect of an underlying medical condition. 

Instead of going through a mourning process and to pour her attention onto the other two kids that were left, she literally just got pregnant AGAIN, and had another baby to replace the one she lost. 

Then I had another set of parents. They had three boys, but they could not look after them.  In this specific case the welfare took away the kids from the parents and placed them in an orphanage.  They did not want to split them up and couldn't find suitable foster care for these three boys.  Do you know what the parents did?  

They fetched the kids on weekends. ... They were able to live their lives and do their jobs during the week without any responsibilities and then on weekends they had their kids. You won't believe what this mother did...Yip, you guessed it...she became pregnant again! 

Have these people NOT HEARD OF BIRTH CONTROL??????????????????

Another thing that bothers me tremendously is that parents want to force kids to be the best in everything, and to push their own goals on their kids. (that is a story for another day) 

This is now going from the one extreme to the other, but I have had plenty of kids during my lifetime as a teacher that were on the verge of a breakdown because they were too scared to disappoint their parents. Parents force their dreams and goals on their children instead of just leaving them to develop into the best person they can be.

Then there are those parents that just leave a child to grow up on his/her own. They provide the necessary means or the child to stay alive and to have everything that he/she needs but that is just all they get. I understand that children need to stand on their own two feet and they have to fight for themselves in life, but a child cannot be a normal human being if they did not receive the guidance from their parents.

When my first son was born, I literally went into a total panic. I was manic. I hardly slept and I watched over him like a hawk. I was so utterly scared that something was going to happen to him, but with God's grace, I raised him to be a strong individual that can stand on his own two feet and to be the best person he can be.   

What makes me sad in life is that people do not take responsibility for their actions.  If people are willing to bring a child into this world, is it not the responsibility of BOTH parents to raise this child to the best of their ability? There are so many kids without parents that actually care. Some children are treated like garbage. Why are there so many kids living on the streets?  

I often think that I should have rather become a social worker than a teacher but like I said in the beginning...life works in mysterious ways, but sometimes....

Life just breaks my heart!

                                          

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It is so sad to see kids wandering on the streets and having nowhere to sleep. Some are ushered into lifestyles they would never have adopted if they had someone to guide them, but then some also grow up strong to change their worlds. I believe in the end the good people of this world will put in more work to stop all these problems just like you're doing @giantbear

That was a deep article. I am about to become a Dad for the first time in a few weeks, it wasn't planned but is surely the best thing that ever ahppened to me. I am afraid slightly to bring a child into this world at the moment with the way things are, but as a good person I will do my best to make his life as fulfilling as possible.

To bring a life into this world is something beyond, and must not be mistreated by having kids almost for the sake of it. In the UK i see many mothers that neglect themselves in terms of health and have mutliple children to gain benefits from the government, I don't agree with this behaviour. I guess I don't have much "right" to speak about such things, but if you bring a new life into this world it must be honoured and treasured not something as a commodity.

Congratulations in creating the biggest responsibility for yourself EVER. I am absolutely sure that you are going to be a wonderful caring father that puts the need of their child first. Just remember...kids did not ask to be here, but it can be the absolute most rewarding experience EVER. There is no rule-book to parenting. Children literally just need guidance, love, protection and of course food...LOL! You are going to love being a parent, there is a reason for every child to be born, and yes, we neglect ourselves often to give our children what they need, but life has a way of sorting itself, in the end we all survive. Good luck and send some photos if baby is born!

That was a very kind reply thank you. I am anxious as hell, but when the little one is born I know i'll transform from Clark Kent to Superman ahah.

Love and nourishment is all anyone needs in this life really. With that we will always survive. I'll share a pic of the little fella when he's born :D

Take care and have a good day my friend.

I vouch for superman all the way! You just have to take this heads on. One day at a time...

I think a social worker would be the worst job to have, because that is where you see true neglect. I have to live with the example of neglectful parents in my everyday life. My husband's half brother is a disgrace, and has managed to produce FIVE children. (One of which they sold, to put it bluntly.) I always wish there was a licence for parenthood!!!!

OMG I would have ended up with 13 children...no being a teacher is just like being a social worker these days. We see the terrible neglect and we have to start feeding schemes at school because of parents that don't properly look after kids. I applaud that and I honestly believe that if they bring in a rule that says that people are not allowed to have more than two kids then everything would change. You know what it looks like here in SA. Kids all over begging on street-corners, and it is absolute disgrace to live here sometimes. I just know that one day we will all have to please explain why we allowed this to happen and then it is going to be too late. Life is so screwed up!!!!

I was supposed to teach, it was where my degree was meant to lead, but I knew that was not the life for me. I feel the pain so much when I see neglected children, and even worse, the sense of powerlessness to do anything about it. Also, most teachers are not like you, they simply don't care about anything.

I had an epiphany about why my kids feel so much stress at school. At home we don't shout and scream, but yet this is how most of their teachers communicate. I think we would have a lot in common to talk about!!!

I honestly am tired. In the beginning it was totally different to be a teacher but now kids are basically equal and they will interrupt even while you are busy with a lesson. The classes are too crowded and most teacher shout and scream to just try and get a chance. This is not all students of course, but plenty are ruling the classes. Have you given any thought to removing your kids from school?

I've given it a LOT of serious thought, but in the end I feel life is tough, and although the last thing I want is for my kids to experience to experience the negativity, I fear they won't cope when they go out into the "real world" without encountering all those difficult experiences while I am there to guide them through it, and shape their thought processes about it. Thank you for your support. I don't know how you cope in the classroom. Hopefully you can retire soon!

Child trafficking and child abuse is common in Nigeria. Whereby, you will see young children from like age 4/5 hawking various goods in the middle of an express road.

This is a very sad fact. We see it in South Africa all the time. Then those same people have anything between 3 and 6 kids each. They can hardly feed one child but because of the job situation they have more kids so they can receive a social grant from the government. It is sickening how many kids are underfed and has so few opportunities in life. I wish I had all the money in the world to help save them all....

Child is the most beautiful and fragile gift that God gives to the humans,it need to be well crafted to before it shine like diamond or else it would a pebble only mostly of no use.
Parents need to work on child's moral,education,and relationships so that when the child raised up he/she could understand the changes that are taking place around him in a very sensible way.

Very nice article you wrote dear and i enjoyed this this content, i'm your new follower, thanks for sharing @giantbear

@giantbear, thank you for this. I feel like crying. Nearly 54 years ago, a young, unwed woman gave birth to a child. The father was a married man. She decided to keep the girl, even though it was something that was frowned upon in those days. She loved her daughter dearly. She also kept seeing the married man. Fifteen months later she gave birth to another girl, by the same father.

It is a long, convoluted story, and I will blog about it somewhere in the near future. Long story short, though: the two sisters were given up for adoption.

My sister and I had the most wonderful parents, and to them, we were not adopted. We were the children that God gave them to nurture and love. They were fine parents, giving us a fine upbringing.

Many years later, we met our birth mother. She was a lovely woman, and although she never became our mother again, she became a close friend.

We never met our birth father, but we met our half brothers and - sisters. We have kept a close relationship with all of them.

But if you tell me "blood is thicker than water", I tell you, the blood that flows through my veins, well, it is the blood of the parents that brought us up.

What a wonderful story! I am looking forward to reading the whole story. Please send me the link if you have posted. I've followed you to keep track.

I have friends who are now pregnant with their third child. They are not bad parents in the sense that they don't take care of their children. They do. They ensure that they have food, shelter, clothes, toys, etc., but I have noticed that they are not teaching these kids the skills they will need to grow up and become responsible adults who contribute positively to society. Many times I have said it would have been better if they'd not had any children, but for whatever reason, they greatly desired to have children.

I wish I could understand why people have children when they aren't really fit to be parents, because their neglect or their lack of work-ethic, so to speak, only affects the child in the end. I think it's one of the great mysteries in life.

Thank you for voicing your thoughts on this. I am with you 100%.

Ha ha...I am much more outspoken that what I have written here! Life works in mysterious ways. I got divorced when my children were still small and I thought that this would affect them terribly. I had no other choice though...but it was the right decision and I brought up my kids single handedly and their father had very little input in their lives, but I always put them first and today I have wonderful self-sufficient wonderful children. It seriously blows my mind why some people have children at all. I've seen it all. Thanks for the thoughtful comment.

I too see this all of the time. People who have children to satisfy their own selfish needs. There are so many just plain neglected children trying to grown up on their own. Have missed you of late. 🐓🐓

The world is so screwed up I can often just laugh about what I see, and I've seen plenty! I have often wished I can just speak my mind and just shake some people back to reality. If people could just use their common sense and think a little further than their noses that would also help!

You do realize how much you are asking from a generation that has been bought up on reality tv shows and bags of potato chips? How much can they offer their own offspring? It’s maddening! 🐓🐓

I have dear friends who can't have children and they will make the most amazing parents, luckily they were able to adopt but it is in time like these, when reading articles like yours @giantbear that I think again how unfair it is. some people who will make amazing parents can't have kids, but then there are those who don't even know how to parent and they have a lot of kids.

Hey Tanya. Very true. If I just look at @sweetpea here on Steemit. She is the most wonderful mother of a little boy and that child could not have asked for better parents. It is sad but at least her baby found a great mother...I believe firmly that a child will find its way to them in some way. Some people are just meant to be parents...even not biological but I personally don't see a difference between biological and adoptive. Same difference as long as the child is loved and cared for. I hope their baby finds them soon. xx

I'm one of them...I have enough with myself. Maybe next life.

Just a little advice. I see that you are new to the platform. If you actually put in the effort to read a post then you should vote on that post, especially if you comment. You will not get an upvote for a comment if you do not put in the effort to vote the post. I do not expect an upvote but if you get to the wrong person, then they will definitely flag you for spam :)

If people are willing to bring a child into this world, is it not the responsibility of BOTH parents to raise this child to the best of their ability?

Yes.
But to be responsible mean growing up, and the welfare state teat tries to prevent it at every opportunity.

Hence no feeling of responsibility.
If bad decision's are rewarded, how can you can you grow up in that environment?

I don't have a parental bone in my body - and I'm more than happy not to inflict my genes on the next generation... lol

I applaud you for that. I wish more people would think like you. Nothing wrong not to have kids. If I knew what I know now, I would also not have had any. Life is just too screwed up...the world is too screwed up...no child deserves to be brought into a world like this.

I think nowadays more than 50% of people who have kids shouldn't.

What is even more sad is that the ones who could raise a child and do a good job don't want one because are too focused on their careers etc.

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