A Food Poisoning Lament
There's A Party Somewhere, But It's Not In My Digestive System
Everyone's been there, that horrid patch of hours that your body revolts against some bit of food that you unwittingly ingested. I'm totally sure that the world's comestibles have a yearly convention and decide just how to allocate bad bacterial misery to various unsuspecting humanoids. I'm looking at you bad pepperoni, lunch meat, improperly washed or raised fruit and veggies, and raw cookie dough!
Yesterday I was rambling about, having arrived home early in the day from my most excellent vacation, I set about putting away camping gear and working my way through Mt. Sockuvius. The aroma that particular laundrocano was emitting was enough to make a train take a dirt road. Anyway, I was happily conquering that bit of odoriferous offense when I, along with my son, made the foolish ingestion.
We don't eat a lot of processed food, but I was really quite tired yesterday and picked up some junk from the local deli. I also grabbed a box pizza as for some inexplicable reason it looked appetizing. My son and I each ate a piece or two and continued about our day.
Fast forward to three-thirty AM. I shot up in bed and marveled at the pain wracking my husk. It was like a gaggle of Lilliputians were playing a game of cornhole using the end of a mace instead of bean bags. I made it to the altar of the digestive system god, my son however did not, and we did synchronized spewing at exactly the same time. Pretty impressive really.
As I have been on vacation for the last week, I really needed to get up and go to work this morning. Dizzily and with no small amount of effort I hauled my beleaguered carcass out of my bed and wandered in full Walking Dead mode into the kitchen. Somehow, in my delirious state I had promised the boy that I would make him some muffins. Make them I did, all while trying to not hurl as the smell of smashed banana and milk chocolate chips wafted into my nostrils. If you want to torture someone, grab a person suffering the effects of food poisoning and have them go all Gordon Ramsay for a while, they will turn into a blubbering mess of: "For the love of all that is holy, get those carbs away from me!"
I almost lost my non-existent croissants as I measured the buttermilk and placed it into the mixing bowl and as the muffins were baking I shakily wove my way to the bathroom to get read for work. The prospect of facing the public at the library for the next seven hours jellified my already abused digestive system, and I vaguely remember my husband telling me I really needed to return to bed.
In the back of my mind I had this nagging thought, my manager wasn't going to be there to open, and I figured that my food poisoned self could at least open the library and turn it over to one of my cohorts. I'm happy to say that I didn't spew on anything at our branch, but the post office ladies did lift an eyebrow at my hairstyle for the day. Think windblown lion with a touch of static.
As I fired up the library's computers, the mace chucking Lilliputians of digestive distress began demanding tribute again and I think I might have broke into a Celtic Lament of some sort. I'm not really sure, but I am thinking that melodic moaning in pain is much better than puking on the library's freshly cleaned carpet.
My lovely co-worker was ten minutes early, and with the library successfully opened I stumbled to my car and drove down the hill to my bed. My son and I have watched a respectable amount of Netflix today as we rusticated without ease on our respective perches of non-existent comfort.
After twenty-four hours without any ingested food I was able to keep down a very appetizing grape popsicle, so now I look cyanotic with purple lips to match my lion's mane of hair. This day will be forever documented on the Steemit blockchain as a tribute out of sympathy to all of my fellow beings that have suffered the malaise of bad bacterial overload, and in the spirit of community I offer a $2 SBD reward to whomever relates the most spectacular, humiliating, and/or hilarious tale of food poisoning in the comments. The idea of sharing something positive brings me a bit of healing joy!
Come on my dear followers, lay your tales of digestive woe upon us!
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The more i eat processed food, the more i learn to eat natrual, raw , non-processed and fresh produce, so you know where the ingredients come from.
I wholeheartedly agree, and have paid dearly for straying and my laziness! Life lessons suck sometimes, huh! lol!
Is now a good time to bring up my delicious rhubarb pie? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) We would love pictures of a windblown lion with a touch of static. I once learned the purpose of small bathrooms where the sink is just in reach if you let your head hang sitting on the altar of the digestive system :O
Oh egads! Any other week and I would be so wanting a slice, lol! I kinda like how you think though @ask-not-please, you have an ornery streak that I totally admire😉 Someday when have some humidity I will post a picture of the lion's mane, it's impressive and somewhat horrifying! And many thanks, I totally have you to thank for my new appreciation of tiny water closets!
Oh hey, you called me ugly and unpleasant in temper or disposition. :) had to Google that.
LOL, That is one of the highest forms of a compliment that one can receive from moi, I like people with such dispositions!
I bet you have ornery cats running around.
Of course, lol, they have to live with me! That'd taint anyone's demeanor 😉
Poor @generikat and son-of-generikat! Food poisoning is no fun at all! I was at a conference in the state of New York. They served us salmon at one of the dinners. During the next day's talks, at an workplace not near the hotel, I had to find someone to take back to the hotel -- stat! This was not going to end well at all! I made it back and was so sick in my room. A full day later, I called room service to ask for a piece of white bread toast -- nothing else. They tried to convince me to have margarine on it. No, I pleaded. They sent me my toast - without margarine and without charge. And then they checked up on me later to see if I was doing any better. I graduated to more toast and a club soda. They didn't charge me any of it. Having food poisoning on the road is no fun. Here's to your recovery! And I'll post some pine pollen cookies for you later today-- for when your appetite comes back. Enjoy laying low!
Argh, margarine is gross anyway, but especially on the food poisoned palate. That sounded horrible and you totally have my sympathy! Heading over to check out your pine pollen awesomeness and other awesome HH posts that I missed while on vacation! Thanks for the well wishes!!😊
Al least getting food poisoning makes us enjoy the effort of home-cooking more than ever!
Thanks for the surprise in my wallet! Who knew that food poisoning pays off! ; ) I hope you and your son are fully recovered by now!
You are most welcome! lol! We are doing much better now!
Good to hear!
I really want to see the purple-lipped wildlion. That's a site to ponder.
So sorry you had to go through all this rot. Hate food poisoning. Then again, it IS a good way for the body to say 'jump back, natsy-bac's' and get rid of them. Guess we can be glad for that...many days later.
I've had it a few times, worst was the home-made Bailey's Irish cream years ago. "You mean raw eggs are bad"? I was sicker than the proverbial dog. And wasted a whole lot of good Baileys...or maybe not. Tossed the rest. No pun intended there, on happenstance back-look. That and a bad sandwich, think the liquor was worse.
Hope you and GK junior are doing much better now. I guess you could take solace from that standard advice of bad breakups and un-wanted bacterial overload...it just takes time to get over it. And lots of yogurt afterwards. Keep smiling and have a nice day, as best you can. Netflix on...
PS. love the sign reference
LOL! Totally fearsome to behold, the purple-lipped lion!
Oh, your story of food borne illness woe really made me feel a large amount of sympathy for ya. Bad sandwich sounds like a band that I don't want to hear, but the liquor eggstravaganza sounds painful. Argh!
The boy is better today, thank you so much for the well wishes, I tried telling the bacteria that it wasn't me it was all few billion of you, and I am glad that they kept our drama off of Facebook. Heh.
Also, that sign really amused and fascinated me too. Love Canada.
I would type more but alas I am completely bushwhacked, and by that I mean almost post sick exhausted asleep. More later I promise 😊
My worst case of food poisoning occurred after being invited to eat grilled jumbo shrimp at a neighbor's grilling party. I spent the entire night in misery on the toilet. And I have not had shrimp in any form since then.
Beware the red tide! Ugh shellfish and seafood food poisoning sounds like the worst, my nephew relived the horror that he went through recently from some bad poke. I wonder if your case was worse cause of the jumbo size of said shrimp You have my sympathy!
good post
my friend....
Thank you!!😊
Whoa my tummy is doing loop the loops now just from reading that. Have you ever noticed that? If someone start saying their stomach is queasy, the next thing I know is MY stomach is queasy!
My cure that works for me is Taco Bell bean burritos minus onion. Works every time!
Wow! Your cure would certainly keep a queasy stomach occupied, lol! Nice!
I'm so sorry my recap of misery caused you gastric loopage! Hopefully you got a burrito sans onions stat!
I had a half dozen leftover from yesterday so no worries! Ill tell ya, they are addicting!