Music Lover: 12 - Another day, another post. :) SBD/STEEM GIVEAWAY! (Read more for info!)

in #life3 years ago

12

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Well, I didn't expect my depression to come flooding back just because I came back to the east coast.. but here it is. :/
I truly believe now, that it's something to do with earth's energy and timezones and idk.. Because it just came back slightly when I was passing through Texas.. but now it's in full-swing again.. Ugh. :/

Either way, here's today's picks for you guys. Can't let this depression bring me down.. Just gotta keep my head high and push through it.. I'll see my daughter soon, so that's what's important.

Drive - Incubus

This song has gotten me through SO many hard times when dealing with my depression.
It's a wonderful song and just reminds me to keep going and keep on.. That no matter what tomorrow brings, I will be alive and dealing with it and continue on with my life.

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Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty, stinging clear..
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer..
It's driven me before..
And it seems to have a vague, haunting, mass appeal..
But lately I, am beginning to find..
That I should be the one behind the wheel..
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there;
With open arms and open eyes, yea.

Outside - Staind

Another great song. Another one that's helped me get through my depression episodes. Love it.

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But I'm on the outside..
And I'm lookin in.
I can see through you;
See your true colors..
Cuz inside you're ugly;
Ugly like me.
I can see through you..
See to the real you...

45 - Shinedown

Again, depression, getting through it. Music has brought me up from the depths of darkness so many times. I can't be grateful enough for it...

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Whatever happened to the young man's heart..
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart...

And I'm starin down the barrel of a 45...
Swimmin through the ashes of another life...
No real reason to accept the way, things have changed.
Starin down the barrel of a 45....

Dark times - The Weeknd

De. Pres. Sion. Dealing with it. Yes.

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In my dark times, I'll be going back to these streets..
Promising everything I do not mean.

In my dark times, baby this is all I could be..
Only my mother could love me for me..

*In my dark times, in my dark times

SBD/STEEM Giveaway!

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As stated in my previous posts, I will be doing 0.1 SBD/STEEM giveaways randomly on posts and guaranteed on milestone posts.

To qualify you will just have to either upvote or comment! Simple as that! :)
I will be using a random number generator and assigning numbers to everyone who leaves likes/comments on my Music Lover posts. This way I can ensure it will be truly random. Lol

Thank you for checking out my post! :)

.

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I know you may not want to but you know I’m always here for you. Even if i am all the way in California.

I'm good. Thanks anyway.

I do love you and I do care about you. Maybe I don’t remember every single thing we talk about. But I just want you to know I’ll always be here. Waiting for you to come back to Cali. I may not express my love by dropping everything and everyone in my life to move across the country for you but that doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t there. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.

Love means you'd do anything to be with someone. You don't love me. Not even close. LMFAO. Loving me would mean moving across the country to be with me. THAT'S love. What you have for me is a desire to not be lonely, a selfish desire. You don't love me, you're just sad you're lonely again. Fuck off.

Well then I have really deep feelings for you. If I was just sad I was lonely again I wouldn’t be still talking to you. Because I know you’re not coming back anytime soon. Don’t forget that you also said you loved me. But doesn’t seem like you would do anything to be with me. You’re just telling me to fuck off

I OFFERED FOR YOU TO LIVE IN MY HOME HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT LOVE? ARE U KIDDING?? Seriously, Fuck off Tiffani. I'm done with your bullshit. I THOUGHT I loved you, but once I saw that u ACTUALLY DON'T love me.. That all got cut real fast.

You didn’t ask before you left. You asked when you were already back in Florida. Just because I said no doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

No, I told you about the fact I was going to be getting a condo in Pensacola before I left. I offered for you to come move in with me. And yes, that means you don't love me. You clearly have no clue as to what love is. Stop commenting on my shit. Goodbye.

I’m not like you. I don’t know how to be on my own. My family would never support me if I just left. You know how some of them treat me already.

Yea, my point exactly. Your family is fucking trash toward you already. You NEED to get out on your own.. It's not doing you any good to stay at home and never branch out. It's making you weak and pathetic. You wouldn't be lonely if you actually took charge of your life for once.

And the way that you’re treating me right now is what I fear the most if I were to move out there with you. I want to be loved. Not treated like this.

I'm treating you poorly cuz you won't just fuck off. I told you I don't want to talk to you, but here you are continuing on. Fuck. Off. Tiffani.

You didn't get treated poorly, EVER, when you were with me. We RARELY argued, but you acted like every convo we had was an argument, and it simply wasn't. You SAY you love me, then I offer you my home and to be with me, but you refuse it.. NOT love. So just fuck off Tiffani, you're right I'm not going to be all sweet to you right now. You're spewing a bunch of bullshit that I'm tired of hearing. Fuck. Off.

Because being blocked doesn’t say “I love you”. When you talked to me like this and told me to fuck off all those times it seemed like we were fighting. I would go home crying and you would swipe through tinder again. I didn’t ask for you to be sweet to me rn. I just wanted to say I’m always here for you. Someone to talk to. Doesn’t mean we have to be together. Maybe you did love me maybe you didn’t. I would love to move in with you but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m scared. I don’t truly know if things would work out between us. And then what if they didn’t? I would just come crawling back to California with my tail between my legs and back into my family with no money and no job and they would all just be disappointed in me. Maybe they wouldn’t accept me back.

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Thank you for sharing your playlist, and furthermore, for diving deeply into your soul to grab hold of your courageous love, thrusting it into the endless abyss, it's time for more adventure!
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Let us share your darkness so that we may bask in the light of true, unconditional love!

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