REJECTIONS - BEST PERSONAL TRAINING EVER.

Couple of minutes ago I read an article from @nobyeni whom I recently got to know and with whom I promised myself to stay in a very fruitful touch. She doesn't know that yet, but I hope this is not a threat but a golden outlook for her as well:)

She wrote about "rejection". Big topic for all of us.

I want to quote her - because I cannot imagine to say it better:

I'd rather hear what I should do, instead of things I shouldn't do. Replacing a destructive habit with something constructive is easier than simply having no more habit.

She is using to a remarkable extent what I call "systemic approaches on life" - like the one above. And also her recommended to do's after getting a rejection from a publisher I can lay warmly in your hands.

Instantly this reminded me on my own experience of rejection. And how I became a pro in consulting people in family- and social affairs. So this is a record of my journey in my professional life and how I dealt with rejection. It hears and perhaps reads itself easier than it actually was. But I would like to encourage you with this experience, if you intend to follow similar paths.

The story goes like this:

After I had quit a miserable job and there was no prospect of a new job yet, I contacted the Employment Agency. I immediately told my consultant: "I'm not going back to the PR and advertising industry. I've been there, done that and with child and part-time work: no chance and no desire! I want to do something new, I'm not quite sure what it will be. But I think I'll be back soon with a good result."

You don't expect much from the employment agency, do you? Anyone who has been a "customer" before knows this or has at least a clue. Well, yeah. As it is with prejudice. You should always throw them over the top, you should roll the dice again every time you make a new encounter.

A letter flew in from the agency.

With an invitation to an education fair. I thought, "Huh? What kind of nonsense is that? Do I need this?" But now that I was invited, I also went there. With zero expectation. Small, manageable fair. I strolled from stand to stand. Nope. No, I didn't want to be a technician. Also no european secretary (the professions I have just invented now, because I really have no memory of the other offers:).

Then there was a stand that didn't make sense to me at first. In any case, I read "advisor" - that's what I had been doing all my professional life. In an insurance company and then in a PR agency. Among some other things, I will probably talk about on a future occasion (only that much: it has to do with vacuum-cleaners).

As I found out, it was a training as a systemic-integrative family and social counsellor.

I'm like, "Wow!"

And the second thought: "That's what I want to do!" The employee at the booth had time for me and so I asked her out. When it came to the prerequisites for access, the blow hit the pit of my stomach: Not possible for me. I asked again:
"Really not? No chance?" The lady shook slowly her head.

There I was. Within five minutes I had developed a huge motive, interest and enthusiasm and immediately afterwards I felt the disappointment of everything that wasn't supposed to come true.

I turned around and left.

Thought so, too: How stupid. First you didn't want to come. Nothing here has been of interest to you. Only this one small stand with the academy, which would have been good for you. Why did you laugh at the letter of invitation? Another one shakes me up. I myself, of course: No! You want to do this! Absolutely! Now you go back there again!

I turned around and went back.

Once again, the lady stood in front of me and I said: "Listen, this is really important to me. I want to do this! Is there really no possibility of being accepted at the Academy? I'm confident it's definitely something I can and want to learn. I believe that my consulting experience makes up for the lack of social education training. I also completed my business training at a social security company. This has something to do with "social". I know the legal basis. Who can I talk to, who decides on the acceptance?"

The addressed smiled and said she would give me the number of the course- and office management.
Just like that. Only with a phrase that said, "I'm apparently serious about it," did she give me the business card.

This was the first rejection and then the first recovery of a thing believed to be lost.

We're moving on.

The call to the Academy office was then quite unexciting. I made an appointment with the management and in the conversation he was quite relaxed and confident that my reception was not a problem at all and that he could not recognize where I was lacking in skills. That's good! But it was already clear that the costs would have to be covered by the employment agency.

I saw the next hurdle coming.

In the employment agency's office. He's listening to my report: The fair, my courageous fight with the rejection, the appointment with the school management, the promise from there, the trembling and now I: here with him.
What does he think? After all, I wouldn't have been invited to the fair for no reason at all.

He listens attentively. Nods. But watching his body language I can sniff that he is not convinced.

He rejects my idea.

Again this is happening. But I am recovered within seconds.

He makes objections to my lack of educational background. I've met it before. I have long since refuted it and wiped it aside because of my determination. He even tells me about his wife, who is a teacher and has a hard time finding work!
I express my sympathy, but remain otherwise stubborn.

I'll ask him at the end: "I know you'll have to justify this well if you want to finance me. But I am really convinced that I will both find a job and be successful. I want to do this so badly. Please put in a good word for me at your next team meeting."

He nods again and is friendly to me. But he makes no specific statement about what he will do.

Have a nice day.

I'm leaving. Outside, I'm torn. Was that good or not? I'm already about to let go of all this. When someone reacts so hesitantly, it usually means nothing good. My thoughts turn to other things in the next few days.

Three weeks later. Friday in the early afternoon.

My phone.
On the phone: the employment agency. A short greeting and then a question from him:
"Should I sweeten your Friday night?"
My heart begins to beat.
I: "Of course. What's it about?"
He:"The financing is through. You can start training in October!"

The rest you can think of: All the screaming and joy - I embraced him through the phone and wished him all the happiness of this earth!

One quick run:

I did the training for nine months. Full-time every day from nine o' clock in the morning to half-five in the afternoon. Tough training, but what great instructors and experiences and the stuff: Made for me! Wrote my thesis on patchwork families and then I was released into the freedom to look for a job!

Two years later

I am sitting in my office in the "Haus der Familie", where I still give an open consultation on Thursdays. I'm thinking of my employment counselor and his unemployed wife. I find out his phone number, and he picks up.
I said, "Do you remember me? I'm her, and this and that."
He: "Oh, yes. I remember you. What can I do for you?"
I: "Nothing at all. You already have. I just want to say thank you again and say that I'm sitting here in an office where I work. I think it's important that you know that your actions have had a great impact on my life."
He was happy about it, but apparently so perplexed that he didn't find many words.
It was all right with me. I said what was on my mind.

There. Now I'm done with my story. It is now six years ago.

Since I wrote it only because the muse kissed me through @nobyeni, I will share the revenue from this article with her. Without this inspiration today, I probably wouldn't have written it.

Hello and wave to you!

What a great write that was for me. It was fun. ;-)

Last words on rejections

Rejections feel bad.
But if you always make sure that not you, but possibly only something that has nothing to do with you is rejected, you are on the right track!

Of course, sometimes you yourself are rejected. But even then you are not meant as an entire person, but always only a part of what is not supposed to be accepted by another person.
Like you borrowed a book and didn't return it. The person who criticizes you for this doesn't find you bad, but only your behaviour in this regard. Don't you ever forget that.

Last advice:

Perhaps, be like a dog. The dog always forgets when was rejected. As if it never happened, the dog comes always back and happily wags his tale. Wouldn't it be nice to be a little bit like a dog?

Thank you for reading.

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^{Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash}

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My questions to you: have you a story of a successful rejection? Or a certain method how to deal with it?