After the Fall -- Putting yourself back together again when life hits you hard

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When suddenly all bets are off ...

As an empath, I know how crucial moods and attitudes are to your ability to function, your ability to make progress and most of all, your ability to put yourself back together when you've been slammed by a serious shock, tragedy or crisis. It doesn't matter if it's a crisis to anyone else. They don't get to judge your life or your emotions. If it's a crisis to you ... it's a crisis. Call it that, and don't let anyone shame you out of it.

The shock of a tragedy, a major life-changing event, or a serious setback can be extremely hard to handle. Nothing prepares you for "what comes next." You're in uncharted waters ... and you -- you -- have to navigate somehow to solid ground again ... on an unfamiliar shore. Yes, others can help. But there are things you have to do for yourself ... and just the act of motion can make your journey shorter. That alone is a blessing. If you know the state I'm talking about, I know you'll agree.

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First things first ...

Don't try to carry on as if nothing has happened. If something has happened, you need to cope with it. You need to process it. You need to learn to live with it because there is a "new normal" in your world -- and you will never be able to go back to the way things were. That world -- that life -- doesn't exist for you any more.

The more you try to carry on with "business as usual," the more harm you will do to yourself. The more you try to deny that the event has impacted you, that you are different now, the more dangerous life becomes.

Shock may keep you from realizing how much you've been injured -- and how much life has changed. You need to give yourself time to understand the extent of your injuries and just how different life is now.

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Make yourself the priority

Be gentle with yourself. Don't push yourself into more than you can handle. Don't stress yourself with people or chores or commitments or work that is simply too much. And don't guilt yourself for being fragile or weak or needy.

If you need company, have people you can call. If you need solitude, don't be embarrassed to close the doors, turn off the phone and just be by yourself. It is what it is. Name it honestly and work from there.

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Use common sense

Take care of yourself. Eat right -- even if it's just a little bit. Even if you have to force yourself. You need the fuel to be able to think clearly. Rest when you're tired. Avoid alcohol and worse "coping aids."

"Medicated" sleep is not healthy sleep ... but you'll have to judge if it's better than nothing. Don't rely on pills or liquor any longer than necessary. Learn about natural sleep aids -- magnesium, calcium, melatonin, GABA, 5-HTP. (Ok, maybe I'll do a post on this topic someday. Meanwhile, you have the internet. Use it.)

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Helpful luxuries

Wash your hair and take a shower every day. Not a bath, a shower. Use soap and shampoo that smell good. Stand under the running water until you run out of hot water. Do it more than once a day if you need to. This cleanses your aura. It helps dissolve the negative energy and pain of what you're coping with.

To make it even more powerful, imagine this happening. See it rinsing away the grief, the hurt, the confusion, the despair. Watch it drain away and leave you lighter, stronger, better able to cope. Feel the difference as you step out and towel off.

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Simple strategies

Make lists. Keep list-making materials everywhere. Anything you have to remember, write it down. Get it out of your head and onto paper where you can find it, where it can remind you, where you won't get lost trying to remember. Make grocery lists. Make lists of people you need to call, things you need to do, errands and chores that absolutely have to be done.

Make lists of things you want, things that irritate you, memories, regrets, plans, dreams, questions, the crazy thoughts that run through your head. Anything you can get out of your head and onto paper (or the computer screen) ... do it. It clears your mind. It lightens your load. It helps you find answers and cope from one day to the next. I don't know why this works, but it does.

Most importantly, make lists of things that go right during the day ... and make a list of things you are grateful for. Make at least three entries on this list every day -- different things if possible. Don't let the day end without doing this one thing for yourself -- religiously.

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Do something

Accomplish one goal every day. It can be something small. It will almost certainly be something culled from these lists I just mentioned. One piece of progress. So that life is different -- and hopefully better, or at least less cluttered -- at the end of the day than it was at the start.

Move around. You'll need to gauge what tempo is right for you. Five minutes every few hours just pacing the house? Twenty minutes of walking around the block twice a day? Half an hour of riding your bike? An hour walking leisurely through the grocery store or the mall? This is important. Make it happen.

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Write yourself whole

Start keeping a journal. Friends (or family) can help if you need someone to talk to -- and by all means, use them if you have friends like this. But if you need professional help, don't hesitate to enlist that. Just be sure to get a recommendation from someone you trust -- and feel whether this therapist is the right one for you when you go to your first session. You may have to try several before getting it right.

However, the most healing, therapeutic thing you can do for yourself when weathering a crisis is to keep a journal. There is no right way or wrong way to do this. Write down your thoughts. Write down your questions. Listen for answers. When you hear them, write them down, too.

Write to yourself. Write to Spirit. Write to "other people" on paper -- or on your computer. Believe it or not, your mind knows how to use this tool. Give it a chance. Let it open up. Let it guide you. This may be the best gift you ever give yourself. Make it part of your recovery. Just do it.

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Keep your mind and your senses engaged

Read books, play music. Don't make the television your constant companion. Find books that interest you. Fiction, non-fiction, cookbooks, history books, text books, how-to books, self-help books, maybe all of the above! Keep a stack of them on your nightstand -- or line them up on your Kindle.

Magazines can play a part, too. Anything to keep your mind engaged, entertained ... and active. (If you're used to reading yourself to sleep, that can work for you here. Let it happen. Rituals like this are also healing tools.)

Play music. Whatever your tastes, whatever your mood. New Age, jazz, classical, rock, oldies, C&W. I'd recommend you stay away from blues, or grunge or metal ... anything with a downer message or chaotic rhythm (for obvious reasons) ... but that's up to you. At least be sensible in your choice of what you feed your injured mind and soul. You know what I mean. Music can work magic. Let it do that for you.

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Become your best friend

Talk to yourself. Say positive, soothing things to yourself. Tell yourself the things you need to hear. Praise yourself for what you accomplish. Become the best friend you need ... every hour of the day. Tell yourself you will get through this.

There were two phrases I repeated to myself over and over like mantras during the worst days I ever hope to live through. One was, "I can do this." When even simple tasks challenged my stamina and composure -- and I wasn't at all sure I could hold it together -- that phrase kept me going and got me through ... one day at a time.

The other was something I repeated several times a day -- like a prayer. To God, to Spirit, to my own Higher Self ... to whoever or whatever was willing to listen and answer. It was this: "Show me the next step ... and let me know it when I see it."

That, too, was a vital part of making it eventually back to shore. I can't recommend them enough. They can help you. Take them. Use them. Let them be my gift to you.

@awakentolife

About the art in our visual essays ...

Although sometimes the background pictures in our visual essays support the topic and text, they don't always. Sometimes the connection is clear. Sometimes it's symbolic and subtle. Sometimes, there's no connection at all.

The scenes depict landscapes and natural features, buildings and wildlife. They were chosen because they show something lovely or interesting ... or simply because the photo appealed to me.

Our spectacular and remarkable planet is changing at astonishing speed. Rarely are these changes for the better. Few people seem to know ... or care ... or have the will and power to do anything about this. It may not be long before the world humans have known and lived in for centuries is forever lost. We certainly won't be able to make repairs as fast as we destroyed it.

So a few years ago I began collecting pictures of the way things were ... and still are for now, a record of the beauty we have while it is still ours to love and honor.

The photos here are part of that collection, with sincere thanks to the artists who saw these moments ... and with their cameras ... preserved them. All of us at Enchanted Spirit are profoundly grateful to them for their generosity and skill ... and for the added grace, depth and dimension their art brings to ours.

Original images used under this Creative Commons license or this Creative Commons license and modified by added text.

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