Who Hurt You and Why?

When you encounter people who are totally untrusting, annoyingly aggressive, and extremely cynical, whether in real life or online, this is probably one of those questions you want to ask - who hurt you and why? Sometimes you just want to know the reason behind in order to understand. Nobody was born that way. I wrote in my previous post that they may be the people who were once idealists until circumstances or traumatic experiences in their lives caused to them to see the world as a threat. They were wounded severely causing them not to trust people, organizations or institutions.

I admit that I am one of those people. I find it hard to trust, whether romantic, politics or business. Deep down, I have to let go of fear and learn to trust again. In order to live life to the fullest, I have to let go of the past hurt and see the world filled with possibilities. As Ernest Hemingway said - "the best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.” There is really no magic solution that will allow me to trust people again. The only way is to overcome my fear and just trust again.

Nowadays, fear rules in modern society. There are police everywhere and the citizens are living in fear. Fear of others, fear of the government, fear of the internet, and fear of communities. The politics of fear is used in order to manipulate and take control of the masses. People cannot trust their neighbors anymore causing them to live in isolation - which is detrimental to mental wellbeing. Fear has become a major weapon of oppression causing false divides.

Who hurt you and why?

Trust can take years to develop but it can also be destroyed in an instant. Whether as an individual, society or organization, negative experiences in the past lead to trust issues. For individuals, it can be due to traumatic experiences during childhood or social rejection during adolescence. But there is really no other way to overcome this but to slowly heal and learn that the world is not such a bad place after all.

I think my past journey helped me overcome my trust issues in a way. I was in situations where I didn't have a choice but to trust. When I was traveling, I met people who really helped me on the road and cared about my safety. This way of traveling gave me no choice but to trust strangers. Sure, I was hurt but then I had many good experiences as well. If I didn't open myself to the world, how can I experience the good things that really matter? Strangers opened their own homes, welcomed me in their lives and helped me get to my next destination safely. I realized that there are people who will really help you not due to self-interest but because they really care about you as a human being. My travel helped restore my faith in humanity. I know first-hand that there's still goodness in this world.

If you want to find out if this is a friendly universe - you just have to go through all kinds of experiences. You will be hurt and people will disappoint you, there's really no shortcut. Whatever it is that you are feeling, it is just your ego. The fear of rejection, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being laughed at, fear of the unknown... and I think these are all part of the "special complex". The harsh reality is that nobody is immune to pain and everyone goes through it. If you keep on avoiding the risk of pain by not trusting, you will end up living your life in misery - in isolation. Experiencing the goodness of humanity will help you trust again.

For example, if you live in a place with community values, you have no choice but to trust each other. I once talked to someone from this town and told me that he will never live in the city again. If you are homeless in a big city - nobody will care. If you are dying on the street, nobody will care either. But here, he knows that nobody will let that happen. I think this is the advantage of collective societies, people take responsibility. People trust. As with the individualist societies, the focus is on the individual - pride, and achievement. Sure, it helps you get to the top of the ladder so you have to keep up. But, the pressure of keeping up is what causing stress and anxiety in the modern world, people turned to other things to cope, like consumption. To cope with isolation, they horde things that they don't really need thinking that it will give them long-term happiness. What if you don't make it? You don't get these things. You don't get a status. You are deemed insignificant. People tend not to trust each other for the fear of being robbed of something or for being of getting hurt. And I think it all boils down to the "special complex".

Who hurt you and why? At this point, it does not matter anymore. You are no longer living in the past. In order to thrive in this world, you should let go whatever it is that caused you not to trust. It is normal that the ego does not like the fact that you were betrayed, abandoned, humiliated or rejected, however, this does not make who you are. You only learn to trust again by trusting again. Only then you will see a universe full of goodness and infinite possibilities.

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