Are We All Just Wounded Idealists Here?

It baffles me how we have resorted to becoming completely untrusting human beings on the planet. We don't trust others, we don't trust the government, we don't trust our surroundings, we don't trust even those who are close to us, we don't trust this world. What have we become? How is it even possible to exist? What turned us into cynical monsters we are? What makes us think that our fragile feelings need to be protected? Who do we think we are?

I guess, we have been around long enough to think that human motives are tainted in some fashion, no matter how pure they may pretend or appear to be. For us, the world gives nothing but pain and that everyone else is a threat to our security. We think that everything revolves around self-interest. No wonder we are living in misery, no matter how hard we deny it we are. Only the strong ones break especially the ones who are trying hard. As we let this poison take over our lives, soon enough we will wither, and die as species.

So, what happened really? Sure, nobody was born this way. Once upon a time, we were full of hope. We saw the world in bright colors, all smiles. People loved us dearly. Things seemed to be working just fine. We went out and play. There was no other place but our own playground. We were so open, open to all possibilities, even if the idea might hurt us at some point. We learned to weed out those who were bad, focused on the good ones and moved on, until this process became too much. It felt like our eyes were forcefully opened. We found a way to cope. We found a way to be special.

Now we'd rather be observers of the world full of pain to keep our power. This is nothing but cowardice masked as strength. This is our turn to betray. We hurt those who hurt us. But, why do we really need to protect ourselves? Who and what taught us to feel like special beings. Why close ourselves to the possibilities of joy and kindness and love? Why be immune to pain? Why not grab the bull by the horns and be strong enough to be vulnerable? Who do we think we are?

As we get older, we forgot how it was to be innocent children. We start taking things seriously. Our hopes were crushed. People hurt us on a deeper level. The weight of the harsh realities around us gradually gets heavier until it eventually crushes anything we thought life would be. It chews us up, spits us out and leaves us for dead. We start taking comfort in our cynicism for it gives us power. It's like a new kind of wisdom. It allowed us to wake up to the inconvenient truth instead of just believing whatever we want to believe.

We doubt the things we were taught and take the path of unlearning and learning. Slowly we learn how to deal and accept things, and take control of our own lives and emotional well-being. Without a doubt, this new life gives us the power to protect ourselves from all the threat. It thickens our skin and gives us strength.

What is the downside? It can be too much. We are only human that's why, unless we choose the psychopath path - untrusting, unfeeling, cynical - devoid of joy and all the good things in life. Do we really want to resort to this? Choking on our own wisdom. We closed ourselves to opportunities for exploration, new experiences, relationships and anything that will possibly light up our lives. Anything that will give life some meaning. Because we all know, we are dying to have some purpose and meaning despite the tragedies. Yet we choose to stagnate in our darkness. Deep down, we are so afraid, so afraid. We are just oversized children afraid of the dark. Yes, we are nothing but cowards if we choose to be this way. Why do we need to be protected anyway? Who do we think we are?

We live in misery due to this overwhelming fear, mistrust, and cynicism. The worse thing that can follow - suicide and depression. Slowly we have become unloveable, cynical and untrusting monsters brought about by our own attachment to this fake strength we've built. Brought about by the societal brainwashing and cultural conditioning that we are special. But, it's not going to work. It just won't. If we are not going to live fully, why not do this world a favor and just kill ourselves now? We are only adding up to the toxic population.

Who are we to protect ourselves from the pain and disappointment? Even the happy people in poor communities were victims of circumstances yet they continue to live their lives full of hope. Despite the tragedies, they still have the nerve to laugh to all the shit while dying. Why? There's no other way to live. See, nobody is immune. We only take the greatest pain because we allowed it to be. The worse thing is to die inside.

It appears that it all boils down to our 'special complex'. We are dying to feel significant in this vast cold universe and this is our way to be something. Our cynicism and mistrust give us the Godlike power. However, this is not strength but cowardice. A hopeless resignation, quite sad actually. It's an insult to everything beautiful and kind in this world.

Who do we think we are?

Let's get over ourselves.

I think we are nothing but dying little stars. Instead of trying to be special in our cynicism and mistrust why not open ourselves to all possibilities in life and leave no path untaken (pain, joy, hurt, love, disappointment - all of it). Cowardice to these is off-putting. Cowardice to the greatness of life. The real strong are unafraid for they have nothing to lose anymore. They have nothing to hide, and for that, they are the real free beings. And as they let go of trying hard to be special, they are the ones who become the real special - yet they don't know it. They don't need to try hard to be protected. I think the real aware are unaware they are aware. They don't go around saying it, they just are.

Our short time here on earth should not be spent trying to be special trying to protect ourselves from all the pain and disappointment. For as we harden our shells, we just waste our lives away. As we let this poison take over our lives, soon enough we will wither, and die as species.

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