The Journey To Motherhood--Trials And Challenges Conquered

in life •  last year 

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At age 31, I was concerned when I got pregnant because I wasn't as young as other first time moms. Thankfully, except for the low amniotic fluid, everything was perfect during our monthly checkup with my OB. Well, everything was perfect until it wasn't. One morning while I was preparing for work, I noticed water dripping between my legs, but I had just finished taking a shower so I didn't think much about it. Okay, so I may have thought that I peed a little. Hey, I was pregnant and my bladder was almost always full so an accident like that is not impossible. But, as was my habit, I went to pee before leaving. I noticed that my pantyliner was not just wet, it was totally soaked.

This time I was sure that something was wrong. So, at six in the morning, I woke up my husband and then called my OB. My husband and I rushed to the hospital to meet my OB. Did I mention that I was only 32 weeks pregnant at that time? At the hospital, everything was a blur. Everyone was frantically inserting needles and pumping (gad knows what) medicine into my vein to help expedite the development of my baby. The next couple of hours was also just as fun. Well, if you call being wheeled around the hospital from one test to another fun, that is. And--oh yeah. I don't have any pictures at the hospital. In this day and age where everything is documented and shared on social media, how could I forget to take the 'mandatory' I-am-at-the-hospital-look-at-me-I-am-so-kawawa' selfie? Shocking, I know! Next time I find myself in a life-and-death situation, I'll be sure to snap a selfie first at the hospital because--priorities, right?

So, anyway, back to my 'fun' experience at the hospital. After gad knows how long, I was finally transferred to my room. My OB came in after a short while and told me the things I cannot and should not do to help delay the baby's arrival. A few minutes after she left, the nurse came in with a bedpan. Apparently, I can't leave the bed, not even to do something as basic as peeing on my own. Anyone who had the misfortune of emptying their bladder on a bedpan while lying down will tell you that it's not fun nor easy. And so it began--the adventures of this momma and her bedpan.

We were hoping to delay the inevitable for at least 24 hours to let the medicines injected into me take effect. But, alas, it was not meant to be. I went into active labor at around 11 in the evening and I gave birth at around 1:30 in the morning. Everything was a blur at this point that my baby and I didn't even have a picture taken together right after he was delivered. We didn't even have a proper unang yakap. They just made him latch for a second then rushed him out of the delivery room.

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He was so thin and small that even the smallest diaper barely fits him. Even his bonnet had to be taped in order to fit him properly.

Later, I would find out that he was immediately brought to the NICU because his breathing wasn't normal. On top of that, he also had sepsis and really high levels of bilirubin.

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Look at that baby. So red from his time at the tanning salon--er, I mean phototherapy sessions.

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It was heartbreaking to see needles and tubes attached to such a fragile body.

My heart sank when I learned that we had to leave him at the NICU for several days. Of course, who wants to leave their newborn at the hospital? The whole back and forth to the hospital was also very stressful. On top of that, I was getting really anxious about our hospital bill because one whole day at the NICU is not cheap, let alone seven days.

Yes, we did ask for help from friends and colleagues because our hospital bill has gone through the roof. Not to mention the doctor's professional fee which I think is just another term for highway robbery. It's a good thing we have such wonderful and genuinely concerned people in our lives who gave us a lot of help and support to which we will forever be grateful for. However, we did not escape from the wrath of some judgmental people. They asked why we chose such an expensive hospital. First of all, we never intended to give birth in the Metro because we know how expensive it is, but it was not an ordinary childbirth. It was a preterm labor and my doctor is affiliated with only one hospital. We did consider, for a split second, going to a different hospital but if you were in our position where it's not only your safety on the line but also your child's, would you still choose to go to an unknown hospital with an unknown doctor who doesn't have any of your records? Going to a public hospital is also out of the question. Everybody in the Philippines knows the sorry state of the country's public hospitals. Money is replaceable, a child's life is not.

This is the first time that I'm voicing this out. I didn't want to comment or react back them because I'd like to think that I was not affected by the naysayers--I wanted to be the better person. But the truth is, I was affected. I still am. If they weren't in the position to offer financial help, we would have also been happy to receive prayers. We went through one of the toughest times in our lives as a family and being judged did not help. You do not know what people are going through and how your words might affect them. So, if you have nothing nice to say, better it keep to yourself then.

I kept thinking that it was probably something I did. Maybe I could have been more careful. I could have avoided stressing myself out. Or maybe it was my age. I couldn't help but blame myself for what happened. There are days I still do.

Although it was a very challenging experience, I did learn something from it. Always be prepared--physically, mentally, and financially. We thought we still had time so we delayed shopping for baby stuff that's why we even had to ask my mom to buy baby clothes for us. In our defense, we were supposed to do some shopping during that weekend. We just didn't expect what happened--which brings me to my next point.

There should always be enough liquid funds for emergencies. Childbirth is very expensive and things can easily go south. I know some people whose birth plans did not include a c-section, but the choice was taken out of their hands. You never know what might happen that's why you need to prepare thrice as much (or more) as what the doctor intially quoted. It never hurts to be prepared. Some of the other babies at the NICU had been staying there for months already--so you can just imagine how much their hospital bills were. It never hurts to be prepared for emergencies.

Be a blessing to others. If you can't then at least restrain yourself from saying anything hurtful--or stupid.

@chineyes

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Wow, what a trying experience!

Thanks to @randomwanderings, this post was resteemed and highlighted in today's edition of The Daily Sneak.

Thank you for your efforts to create quality content!

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Thank you so much!

Congratulation new funny mommy.

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Thank you. :)

You shared a deeply personal story and I'm not sure if the reason I relate to your story is because I am a mom myself or because I too experienced the same journey of having a preterm delivery. There are just so many things we as a mom tell ourselves we could have done to prevent an early labor, less stress, more veggies, shouldn't have sneaked in that chocolate or cup of coffee..the list goes on. We all want a beautiful healthy baby and do our best to give them the time they need to grow.

Sometimes, our baby wants to join us in the real world NOW and all we can do is take care of them until their fragile body can take care of itself.

Fortunately for me, I live in the US and have good insurance coverage. Our baby was in the hands of the top hospital in our state, even nation, so we were fortunate with that respect.

But I do understand your experience, your fears, your love and undeniable strength. Your son looks healthy now and my baby, although not as early a delivery, is perfectly healthy, happy and chubby!

I look forward to reading more of your writing!

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I've kept these thoughts and fears to myself for such a long time that I just felt like I needed to finally let it out. Going through a preterm delivery is probably one of the scariest things that can happen to a woman. Fortunately, even though my son was born so tiny, he was able to gain weight by about 1 kg every month until my back started complaining. He is now a healthy, active, and chubby toddler that no one would have guessed he was a preemie.

I'm happy to hear that you had the best healthcare possible. I wish my country's healthcare system will someday improve.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

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I'm happy your son is now a healthy, active, and chubby toddler! Yes, I understand all the different emotions. You shared a personal part of your life and I'm sure it was difficult writing it too. I hope healthcare everywhere will improve one day so every person from the baby to the elder could receive the best care.

I used to jot my thoughts down in a journal because writing is soothing to the spirit, but to be honest, it's just so hard to find time to write nowadays. I've been turning to music for my escape. :)

Hope you find time to share more of your writing talent.

You shared a beautiful story and we hope others will have a chance to hear your journey in being a mom.

Congratulations you have been upvoted and resteemed as part of #newbieresteemday's top 10 posts for the day! We invite you to use our tag to connect with more of our members. To learn more: Come Join Us!!! (Newbie Resteem Initiative)

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Thanks!

This is such a great initiative. I'll be sure to check it out. :)

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