Error error----Houston we have a problem---- Fixed now, and here is the story-

in #justbecause5 years ago (edited)

5-9-2019

Okay, so no long post allowed. One picture and 4000 words was too much for the blockchain to handle. so no picture

5-9-2019

Darren’s Dilemma

Day 1-3

          “So what do you want to do?” Jimmy asked as he sat at the table playing with his half full glass of beer. Paul started to shake, he was shaking so bad he was splashing beer out of his glass. Jimmy turned to look at Paul. “What is your problem Paul, you havin some kin’a fit o’ somethen”. When Jimmy starts to loose his speech it is not good, but what happened next was really not good.

         Paul started to drool thick white foam from his mouth like a rabid dog, his eyes started to bulge and his left hand was getting all weird looking, growing claws, his grip on the glass caused it to shatter sending beer and glass flying everywhere. I pushed back from the table at the same time Jimmy tried to, but it was to late for him.

         Paul had Jimmy by the throat with his clawed hand and was squeezing it closed, Blood was beginning to flow from Jimmy’s neck and his eyes were starting to look really big. I emptied my six shot in Paul’s head. His hand finally relaxed and Jimmy fell to the ground grasping his throat and shaking like a scared rabbit.

         I reached down and took Paul’s piece, grabbed Jimmy by his jacket and shook him a little bit. “Come-on we need to leave now”. The other patrons of the bar started to scream and scuttle for what they perceived to be safety. Jimmy wasn’t full cognizant yet, but he let me drag him out of the bar.

         Paul’s arm and hand were still deformed, something out of a nightmare, it was something I would not forget, it was something that could not be forgotten. When he broke the beer glass, some of the beer and a drop of blood flew into my mouth, it was only a little bit, but it burned. Burned hotter than anything I had ever tasted.

         That was three nights ago. Jimmy is now dead. He went bonkers at a fast food joint yesterday. The police filled him with lead. It took a lot of bullets to bring him down. I don’t know if Paul was victim zero or not, he never mentioned any altercations in the last week, no fights or anything, if he was involved in one he would have mentioned it. He was proud of his fighting ability, always talking about how so an so tried to take him on, he always came out the winner.

         I am pretty sure it wasn’t drugs, Paul never used drugs harder than beer. He treated his body like some sort of fighters temple. I’m not sure what happened, what is happening to me. All my senses seem to be on fire, I feel like I am burning up, yet I have no fever or chills. Very tired and very thirsty. To tired to think straight or write more, will continue to gather my thoughts when I wake up.

Day ?

         I have no clue what day it is today. I went to sleep after the end of day three of this all starting for me. I woke up hungry and full of energy, Strange for me. So I was going to fix myself some breakfast, that was when it hit me that something just was not right. No power. It could have been just a local outage I guess, but when I opened the fridge to get some milk and eggs, it all reeked. The milk was sour and everything looked like it was with out power for a long time.

         It did not take me long to understand a little. When I went to get dressed, I noticed that I was at least thirty pounds lighter than I had been when I went to bed. No one loses thirty pounds over night. The funny thing is I did not hurt. No pain anywhere. I got dressed the best I could. T-shirt two sizes to big, and baggy black jeans two or three sizes to big also. At least my feet didn’t shrink, and my shoes fit just fine

         I live in a quiet neighborhood, but not this quiet. There should be kids playing in the yards and at least one lawnmower going. Time to find out what happened. I wandered down the four flights of stairs and headed outside. The first thing I noticed was the stench of rot and decay. Then came the smell of burned ash. I looked around, Burned out and wrecked crashed cars littered the street. There were several burned out husk of homes and apartment buildings. As I looked around I could not believe that the ancient four story I lived in survived.

         Seeing how the street looked I went back inside to climb to the roof, I thought I would have a better view of the surrounding area from up there. My senses were on fire, something was not right, someone was waiting. I could sense it, I could almost see and taste the persons presence. As I opened the door to head back in I was greeted with a shotgun pointed at my face.

         “Hold it right there….” was all the shotgun person was able to get out. I snatched the shotgun from his hands and had it trained on him before either of us knew what happened. “What the...damn…I seen fast…but that was fast.” Sorry for the rude greeting, one just can not be sure today who comes and goes.” The ex shotgun wielder said. Then he paused and took a good look at me. I recognized him. He was Miss Claire’s neighbor across the hall 1D if I remembered right. I let him continue to look me over, I could see the recognition in his face but before that I sensed his body relax, and pheromones turn down to a calmer tone.

         “Hello Robert” I said as the final dawning came over him. “I don’t suppose we could go somewhere more comfortable and talk could we”?

         “Darren 4B, Miss Claire’s hero man.” he stated as matter of fact. “Sure. Lets head up to my apartment. Just give me a few to reset my alarms and then we can be off”. I watched as he restrung a thin wire to a notch on the door and made sure it was set behind a closet door roller wheel for free movement. “Simple and crude I know but does the job, rings a bell in my apartment so I know when people or things come in the door”. He looked it over then turned toward and headed up the stairs. He didn’t bother to check if I was following and said nothing more until we got to his apartment.

         “Okay Darren, you have been comatose for three months. Claire was feeding and taking care of you during that time. She would come in change the IV bag and make sure you were still okay.” Robert looked at me to see if I comprehended what he just said. I did not really take note of it at the time but I do recall an IV bag holder when I woke up.

         “So Claire was looking after me? Why? I barely knew her, and out side of that one incident with the hoodie dudes, we never really had conversations.” I was curious now, I knew nothing at all about her nor any of my so-called neighbors. I was pretty much a loner and did not want to bring grief to my home building. Robert was moving about and making a sandwich almost since we first entered his apartment.

         “I’m afraid we are going to have to continue this conversation on the go. Grab that backpack and bug out bag in the corner, and eat this. We do not have a lot of time. Follow me”, and with that he shoved the sandwich in my had slung a second backpack on and grabbed a semi small bug out bag, and went into one of the other rooms….”come on they will be here any minute” the other room was the bedroom. As I entered he was just stepping into a walk in closet. I followed.“ Hold up here a second. He opened a concealed door way with steps going down. “There is a flashlight to the right grab it, don’t turn it on until I close the door”. He opened the fuse panel box and threw a few switches, then slid aside a small cover and set some sort of timer to thirteen minutes. He buttoned it all back up and closed the door. “ He flipped on his flashlight and indicated I should do the same.

         “I know you are very confused right now Darren, and we do need to get going pretty quick. That whole building is going to come crashing down in less than twelve minutes. So here is the quick low down”…He kept talking and explaining as we went down the stairs, it seemed as if we went down six flights of stairs before we came to a doorway. “Give me a minute to get this open, oh and it may smell a little bit especially to you and you heightened sense of smell.”

         It did, it was an old sewer tunnel, we were heading in a south southeast direction, I am not sure how I knew that but I did, more question. We had gone just about a mile in the tunnel when I heard the explosion. It must have packed a punch because a lot o dust fell from the tunnel ceiling. Robert cracked a smile. “oops…guess I used to much explosives. Oh well better safe than sorry.” he mumbled.

          We continued down the sewer system for a couple of miles, I could hear a low pitched light bulb type sound coming from Robert’s pack. I chose not to ask him about it, I still needed more answers. The sewer along the stretch we were on now was not as rank, and no significant moisture on the floor, the smell was only what we carried with us and slowly filtered down the tunnel. We had made several side tunnel urns and each one was cleaner than the previous this one had the feel of being new,

          We approached what appeared to be a dead end solid wall, then I noticed the continuous even crack around the circular wall, even in the floor. On the ceiling a manhole cover, which was obvious a fake as there was no light what so ever coming down nor any fresh air from above. On the right hand wall just below the manhole cover was a box labeled as CO2 monitor. Robert opened the box, then a hidden panel behind it. I watched him type in a string of eight numbers followed by six letters. When he pushed a bar type button at the bottom, the wall started to slowly slide open.

          Robert seemed a bit flustered that I did not turn to look at the door but kept my attention on what he was doing. “Is there a problem”? I asked, he unconsciously bobbed his head down….”uh…no…no problem…I was just trying to remember if I got all the right buttons pushed…it has to be done in a certain pattern….”, he bobbed his head down again and pushed the button he’d been hovering over, I could hear a slight “shit” come from under his breath…”okay looks like everything is fine we can go on now”, he said.

          We stepped over the threshold and Robert went to the wall and pushed a button that said close on it. After the door had closed the buzz in Roberts pack stopped. I was not sure what that meant.

         “This is one of Claire’s little hide out holes, she has a few of them scattered about for emergen….”

         “Hello Robert” a female voice spoke from a speaker in the ceiling. “Claire I take it?” I asked.

         “But…but…you aren’t supposed to be here Claire, they told me you were dead”. Robert was scared now, I could sense his heart rate increasing, and his breathing becoming labored, as if trying to get enough oxygen for a flight.

         A youngish woman came around the corner ahead. I don‘t know how but I knew she was the old lady Claire, but she was not old. “tell me Robert, why, why did you try to sell me out? I trusted you, treated you with respect and admired your ability to get things done, this ‘hide out’ as you put it was yours also, a place to seek refuge, yet you let them track you here. Why? What did they offer you”, the woman seemed genuinely upset. If she was indeed Claire she had found the fountain of youth because she could not be more than 37 years old if that.

          “You know why Claire, look at yourself, look at what you have done, look at the monsters you created, look at the death and destruction they caused. We…you were supposed to be trying to save lives, not create a new death. Jordan was right about you and your plans, I see that now, after what happened.” Robert shook his head in wonderment at her gall. Hundreds dead so you could cure your old age. Looks like it worked for you, what about all the people that died at your hands and of your experiments.”

         “Sorry Robert, but you have a few things wrong, you were misinformed. All you had to do was ask or let me know you had qualms about what was going on. Why do you think I left Jordan’s compound Robert? You never asked, were you keeping an eye on me from the very beginning? Darren’s two friends were victims of Jordan. He wanted super soldier now, he did not care about the consequences. He could always get more “volunteers”.

          “I am so sorry about your two friends Darren, Jordan had paid the bartender to add a little something to your drinks the last two weeks you were going there. He knew you and your friends were CIA, that you were a trained hit squad that not even most of the CIA people knew about. Jordan set you and your friends up. That daily cookie you enjoyed had a counter agent in it. I could not let you know what was going on, there was nothing I could do to help your friends. I was watched to closely, I want to thank you for not roughing the hoodie crew up to much. They were not really bad people”. Claire turned her attention back to Robert.

         “I am sorry that you can not come with us Robert‘, she said as she pulled a pistol out from behind her back. “And I can not let you leave.”

          “Please Claire…I beg of you...don’t do this I didn’t know, I still don’t know” Robert started pleading for his life.

          “I can not let Jordan have you Robert, believe me you would not want him to have you either. I have seen what he does to his volunteers and non-volunteers. It is not a pretty sight, he has completely lost it Robert.”…in a low voice she mumbled ‘sorry Robert’ as she pulled the trigger. Her aim was true the jacketed hollow point entered just at his Adams apple and out the backside of the middle of his neck, the exit hole severed the spine. He was dead in an instant. It took a few minutes for the ringing in my ears to stop, it was such a loud report in the confined space.

          “Leave his bag and pack, we don’t have much time before they get here.” and that was that no looking back to see if I followed, just out the door in the opposite wall and onto some stairs it sounded like. I still had questions, and asking them of this Jordan person did not seem like a good idea, So I followed.

Claire

          When Claire reached the first landing she stopped and waited for Darren. “First off Darren I am sorry for everything that has happened, we don’t have lot of time, and I am going to have to ask you to trust me. I know that right now you are likely still confused and are not fully aware of what has happened or is happening. Beyond this entry there will be four people, they will have weapons trained on you, but they will not shoot, study them learn their faces and their scents, they are our help and I trust them. They are going to be your core cadre when we get settled and safe.” with that she reached under on of the stairs and pushed a button. The wall to the right slid silently to the left and we entered a fairly large foyer type room.

          “Everyone, this is Darren, he is who we came for”. I looked them all over reached out with my senses to try and feel them, the second guy on the right was a tad itchy feeling, hard to describe these new found abilities, he just did not feel right. I picked up on a slight electrical buzz similar to the one that Robert had. Another tracker.

          “First up is Allie, she is the best shot of all of them, and pretty familiar with most locks” Allie stepped forward and gave me a once over, she paused her perusal at my left hand, then reached out for it. “May I take a look at your hand if you don’t mind she asked”? I thought it kind of strange, but I let her examine my hand, then she looked over at my right hand. “Wow, a natural ambidextrous person, I have met some that train themselves but you are fine with either hand, amazing.” with that statement not even waiting for me to reply she stepped back.

         “Howdy, I’m Grant, nicknamed Granite cause I like to smash things, so if you ever need a door smashed I’m your man“. He stepped forward and held his hand out to shake. He took a very serious hold and was trying to squeeze and see if I would flinch. “Damn man I would hate to arm wrestle you“! With that he relaxed his grip and stepped back.

          Mr. Not quite right stepped forward next, “Hello, I’m Jerry. I am generally the ops spec in the field, I gather the pre intel that is needed and try to anticipate what we will need.” He reached out for a handshake while still keeping some distance, a long distance kind of quick handshake, minimal contact and then he was stepping back. It was enough, he was not to be trusted.

          “Darren, is it really you, dang but you lost some serious weight. How did you get mixed up in this? What are you doing here?” It was Joe, he and I had worked together for a few years as a team before the higher ups switched us out to break in new people. I hoped he remembered, I gave him a bear hug, and a quick tap on the back to indicate a spy in our midst and who I thought it was. He tapped back. “you’re going to love Allie” when he said her name I sensed her alertness pick up a notch, she is a wonder with locks and how they operate”. She did a quick eye dance glance at Jerry.

          Jerry did not seem the wiser to the sudden chill in the room. I noticed that Claire had gone on alert when Joe said Allie also. Grant seemed as if he knew something was amiss but did not fully grasp the situation. Jerry was totally out of it. His own self worry had prevented him from catching the subtle clues around him.

          “Okay, intros done, I suppose we have places to go, but to be honest even though I know there are bad guys trying to find us, I sure could use something to eat.” I knelt down and started going through my bug out bag, I did not like not being armed, and even though I was sure about four people the fifth one was a definite flake. “Hey Grant, I got a question for you while I rummage for some food. Can you knock someone out with out really hurting them, or does the action always cause damage?” I asked.

          “Well there are some techniques I know and have had cause to use sometimes to put someone out in a hurry with no damage at all. When they come to they just wonder what happened, what caused them to black out kind of thing. Want a demonstration”, he gave a quick wink, he finally figured it out.

          “I would like a demo, I have never seen it done and I can see there might be times we want to move about with out questions about lumps on the heads of people or bloody noses. Maybe demo on Allie there” She glared at Grant, “you lay one finger on me buster and when I come to I will break every finger bone in your hand“. “or not. Hmm I owe Joe and I don’t think Claire would be happy being a punching bag, you game for it Jerry”? I asked.

          “Yeah sure go ahead Grant, it really is a cool thing to see, and I have never experienced it, but have seen him in action…” and he was out and being laid on the floor before I even saw what Grant had done. “Okay new boss what is up, and why did I do this? I might be a bit slow sometimes but you three, maybe four if I include Claire, know something.” Grant looked at Jerry then at me.

          “Joe help Grant strip him to his skivvies and then tie him up good. I want some answers before Claire decides to pop a couple caps in him too”! I looked over at Allie, “how good are you at spoofing a tracker”?

         “Hmm…depends on what you want me to do. I can copy the signal and send several ghost signals out from cell phone towers in the area, so they would not know which is the real signal. Here underground not much, Well that’s not entirely true, let me see what kind he has on him” She went to search through his clothing to find the tracker. “How did you know he had a tracker on him?” Allie asked.

          Claire started to pay closer attention to our exchange, then what Joe and Grant were doing. “I could hear it, you know how you can sometimes hear those annoying florescent lights and the hum they give off? Well I could hear the hum the trackers were giving off”.


Okay, well that's all I have so far. I am not sure where the story is going if any where. writing a story is hard work.

5 day old edit in:

Be yourself, use the #freewritehouse tag and you could be the winner of the Freewritehouse Literary Talent Award.
Thought I would throw my story in the hat.

Sort:  

Sorry for all the edits and such, what a pain in the ass that was. I am not sure I will try to do a story post again. Steem Blockchain is just not configured for it. original post attempt was about 4000 words and one small picture, less than one megabyte in size for the picture. and all I kept getting was the cryptic RPCError missing posting authority:

Just say your post is to big for steem blockchain to handle it do away with some words or pictures. Same goes for steeve.app and busy.org, make your damned error message meaningful to people.

Just a suggestion: may add authenticity to the characters if they had more basic backgrounds - perhaps mil contractors e.g. Blackwater rather than Langley... (the behavior and language they use simply does not match the background at present). They are a little 'cartoon-like'.

Thank you. that is the kind of feed back I need. I am still trying to learn how to write a story, character development is not an easy thing to do.

It is difficult and requires research and constant refinement. I recommend seeing how an author like Liz Nugent "Skin Deep" does it.
Accurate research (especially regarding specialist capabilities i.e. military skills / weapon handling / the way operators talk with other etc.)
I am also trying to write a novel and 1st person might be another option to explore...

Part of my problem is I really have no clue about first person, second person, or third person perspective, I really should look up and do more research or educate myself on the usage, but just lazy or busy or some other excuse to do it, and I only get the writing bug every now and then, but I still plod along.

You can also switch between them: 1st person is more conspiratorial with the reader - letting them into a 'secret' world. 3rd person is viewing events from a distance - emotional disconnection or the inability to do anything about what is unfolding on the page.

If you do not have time for researching topics that you are unfamiliar with, then stick to stuff you know.

A fighter will pick up on errors in descriptions of physical engagements, a soldier will pick on errors in small talk or weapon handling between those of his/her ilk. A parent will pick on errors relating to kids and family life etc etc...

That was a fun read bash. Makes me wish my voting power was heavier. Looking forward to where you take it. :)

thank you, It was the beginning of a story floating around in me, so over the past month I have been trying to put it down in the computer and see if I could make a story. I got pretty frustrated last night when I kept getting the posting errors. I have seen longer post and lots more words, but that is what the posting issue came down to. To many words. It seems I am limited to about 4000 words while others get to have 8000 words. Still was fun to write, and I may add to it but it won't be very soon. It took me over a month to just get that far.

it's always one of those things isn't it. I've worked on stories for a year, forgotten about them deliberately as I hit a dead end, then started them again... The start stop and being happy with your own work is always tough. I do like the way you just jump right in with it and flow along though bash. It's good old fashioned natural good quality writing. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for part two. Btw, have you noticed how fiction writers on steemit are getting less and less? Maybe I'm not looking in the right spots, but it seems a lot of the folks who used to contribute as well as newbie contributions have dried up a little.

There does seem to be fewer writers. I am not sure why, it could be because to post a story, you need to do it in short chunks, as I just found out, and in the past I had seen accusations toward story writers that they were milking the vote system by breaking their stories into small parts. I think getting a full complete story in less than 4000 words is a real art form, but small parts are all that steem blockchain allows.

This post is supported by $0.66 @tipU upvote funded by @mudcat36 :)
@tipU voting service: get instant upvotes + profit sharing tokens | For investors.

Like the story.

I had that problem too as I joined #marchmadness. Thought it had to do with @partiko.

Posted using Partiko Android

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