My Life - Forks
Choices are the Life Road Forks that define us. Here is an outline of some of mine which dates back to my birth in 1985 in Oregon. Grew up in a small city of less than 20,000 people in the 1990's near farmland & about 20 miles west of Portland, a big metropolis. Was homeschooled by my mom.
Told mom that I wanted to attended public high school in 2000 because I already read all the books at home, or so I said, and because I wanted make new friends since I already read, I mean meant, everybody in my Rose Grove trailer park ghetto. I'm not really sure if this was my first major fork in the road or not. I started making more conscious decisions in 1993 when I was eight when I was daydreaming about my life as an adult. However, like Trump says, all talk & no action. Well, I did do some stuff as a kid. So, I made a lot of choices in life. However, geographically, I was mostly still in the same place, physically, in Oregon. I didn't move yet. In high school, I was rejected from the basketball teams when I tried out in tenth grade. In 9th grade, I was given a manager position which I turned down via not showing up. I think was showing up a little at first but then stopped as soon as I was told I would just be a basketball manager & was probably not going to play any minutes in any of the real games until I were to maybe prove myself. I started feeling tired. I started feeling the pain of riding my bike to school just for something like that. So, I kind of gave up. Maybe, I made the wrong choice. I'm typically a perfectionist and I'm often too busy and too all over the place. Too often in life, I try to do too much & then end up getting nothing done or not enough done. I end up messing up everything because I don't commit to just one thing because I'm too often trying to commit to everything. I'm not lazy. I'm not whatever the opposite of committed is. I'm not uncommitted. I'm not dumb. I'm not weak. But I don't focus enough. I don't stick to priorities enough. I'm too random. I'm too excited about doing everything. I want to do everything. I want to be friends with everybody. I want to do too many things. As I get older, I try harder to slow down more, even as I write this in 2017 at the age of 32. I'm still learning & I'm still trying to become more simple, more focused with better priorities, to commit to maybe one thing aat a time. I try to cut my tasks up more into smaller duties, smaller things. I try harder to get a smaller thing done before moving on to start another small project. It is better to get things done right the first time around. It is better to finish things you start instead of leaving them half finished.
When I was eight, I thought about being an astronaut, a missionary, & an NBA basketball player. The first one might make you too sea sick, as in dizzy. The other 2 are still appealing even today. In high school, I was thinking about being a musician, an actor, & a web designer. Grew up working landscaping with dad. Was a basketball manager in high school.
After graduating high school in 2004, I went off to my first college in New York. This was a major fork in the road in my life. Other high school classmates told me they couldn't move so far from home like me. So, while some chose to stay closer to home, I made the choice to move to the other side of my country. That was a big step in a pretty good direction. I sometimes think about the decisions I make in my life. I sometimes wonder if I made the wrong choices. I wonder if there were better choices out there for me to make. Some of the smaller choices are tougher to review. Smaller decisions do end up defining how we may make the bigger decisions. The smaller choices may not matter as much as the bigger choices do. Right after high school, I took a knife selling job that mom found me. I went to a training class. I was going to knock on doors & sell knives but then ended up going to New York for college. During my last year in high school, I was looking around at colleges. A recruiter girl from this western Bible college or George Fox would call me & tried to get me to go there. I kind of flirted with her maybe a little, maybe accidentally, or I think I was just being Joey & some were offended when I'm being silly. Sometimes, it appears as if I'm too smooth or flirty. As I get older, I tend to flirt less. I do like to be random, crazy, funny, but some seem to be maybe too sensitive to it & misread it to be like a bad kind of flirt or whatever. In high school, I was not sure what college I would go to but ended up going to one that some of my friends were going to. I do not regret going to college. Actually, I end up dreaming of going back to WOLBI NY, that is my first college in New York.
Went to my second college, ABC, in 2006, instead of staying for a 3rd year at my first college. Dave Kelly told me about the Word Of Life missionary program. So, Seth Haydinger was in it, too. Brandon Arnold might have been in it. Kyle Gray was in it, maybe. Some or all of those guys were or became WOL missionaries in other countries and/or in the USA, too. So, I wonder if I made the right choice in going to ABC instead of staying at WOLBI longer. It is possible that I wouldn't be accepted for a 3rd year. That is the tough thing about what if scenarios. It might be too hypothetical. Not everything is up to us. Not everything is our decision. Not everything is in our hands. But we do what we can with what we do have. At my first college, I was a camp counselor for 2 years & a Children Ministry Team member. Was rejected from the Impact Team & the Drama Club at WOLBI.
After only one year at my second college, I went back home in the spring of 2007 to help mom & because I was flunking out of college due to being so busy, distracted with work, looking for work, looking for more scholarships, looking for new colleges, & all sorts of stuff. I was sleeping like 4 hours a night, was working, was in class, was doing ministry, each day, did not take breaks, was all over the place, lost scholarships as I was trying to find new scholarships, & my grades slipped. I was so worried, sad, angry, depressed, about myself, the future, my mom, & everything. Started volunteering at Free Geek for a month & then became a camp counselor at Camp Kuratli of The Salvation Army in Boring, Oregon, for 2 years. Also, did Revolution Hawaii for nine months starting in September of 2007, that same year.
In 2008, moved back home with dad. After that, I got my first apartment in PDX. Was working 2 jobs. This was a big fork in the road, too. Again, I was trying to find a 3rd job in the mist of that. Was busy looking for more work & more money. Was maybe too busy & so distracted & confused & tired & many things. Ended up getting fired from both jobs. Was too distracted to give them everything. Was too tired. Was too many things. That destroys me. I end up failing in life as I don't commit enough in school, work, missions, with friends, family, staff, employers, customers, teachers, and so on. The good news is that I am not lazy. But the bad news is that I'm not focused, normally, or was not.
At the end of March of 2009, hopped on a bus to see a Salvation Army youth pastor, Lincoln Hawk, in Long Beach, California, for a week. We made videos. I'm not too sure why I was there. I'm not too sure why he told me to come. I know what we did. I know what he said. I know he was trying to help. I wanted to live there. I wanted a lot of things. That did not happen. Maybe I was too bad. Maybe this and maybe that. I have written about this many times before. Maybe it was me and/or him and/or other factors. Long story. Looking back, still not too sure what to say.....
I ended up working with Blake Webb at Moore Street, a Salvation Army church in Portland in 2009 and 2010. Blake died on the 2nd of May, 2010. Campbell found me a job as a counselor that summer at Camp Redwood Glen in California. I made bad choices. I got fired. Charlotte Battle let me live at her house. Continued working with Salvation Army. Was a bell ringer.
Ran off home to live with dad again in around April of 2011 & this was a very big fork in the road. I kind of decided to run away again. I ran away from Battle. I thought about that many times. I thought she was too mean. She was also very nice. But I thought she was being too unreasonable. She told me to find work. I was trying to find work. But was not too sure of what kind of work I could do. Again, I was in the middle of all of these choices. I ended up choosing home again. Matt Smith helped me go home. I also gave him around $5K USD which he promised to return in double but never did to this day.
And then I chose to go to Vietnam right after Thanksgiving of 2012 to work at a school but then that school rejected me as soon as I got there, my first week in Vietnam. I chose to try to stay. Papa Foods helped. Others helped. I visited Hanoi & a few cities around there my first 2 months. After that, I chose to go to Saigon in February of 2013, which was my third month in Vietnam. So, going to Vietnam was the biggest fork ever, so far. I kind of make a lot of enemies in life. I burn bridges as I try to do too many things. One Vietnamese woman (Kathy) was driving me to work in Saigon. I taught English at school. I was maybe flirting with her maybe. I do this sometimes in life maybe for fun or maybe not. Regardless, maybe I lead people on unintentionally. I told Kathy I would marry her mostly because I didn't want her to stop driving me to work & because she told me I had to or else kind of thing. She was trying to take control over my life. She made me buy an electric motor bike. Then she gave that bike to her friends. I told her to pay me back & she bought me Vietnamese classes instead without my consent. She yelled at me. I was scared. She threw things at me. I told people she was my GF because I didn't want her to be too mad at me and because she said I had to or she would always threaten me when I opposed her on anything it seems. Was feeing so vulnerable like at rock bottom & stuff. Every time I disagreed about something, she would throw a temper tantrum like I did when I was five years old in 1990. So, I was kind of making bad choices. I was mostly feeling stuck as she was helping me for 2 months. After that, lived in a hotel in April 2013. Bought a mountain bicycle for about $150. Was riding my bike to work. Was learning how to get around Saigon. Was driving around for many hours each day driving around many districts in 2013 and 2014. Was sweating too often. Was too busy, too often. Was too dirty & too bad too often as I have been all my life. The patterns of my life is that I end up spreading myself too thin. I try to be too honest maybe.
Now, looking back at all the forks in the road that I made in my life. I was involved in different bubbles, different demographics, religions, cultures, schools, churches, youth groups, ministries, jobs, states, countries, friends, groups, & so on, but still feel like an outsider apart from all of them or most of them. It seems that all of the groups I was in were maybe not political enough. I don't really want to be maybe too political but I do want to talk about the real world at the same time. I like a lot of people but I feel too many may not like it if I say too many political things. I do not call them political. I want to return to the USA now in 2017, this year, or in 2018 or as soon as I can, and/or live in other countries. I still want to do everything with everyone. I need to find people that want me the most & try to focus first on that. I write about this sometimes. I will continue to write about this. I still want to continue to do maybe too many things and stuff and more and so on and so forth, etc....
Forks / Desires / Dreams / Choices / Goals / Work / Missions / Places / People / Priorities which I have done, tried to do, am doing, did, done, will do again, will try to do again or for the first time, and/or want to do again and/or for the first time and so on and so forth -
1993 - missionary, astronaut, basketball player
2002 - web designer
2004 - Word Of Life Camps, Clubs, schools, and knives
2006 - ABC and Word Of Life missions
2007 - Salvation Army
2008 - California, Agape
2009 - Comcast Wanted Adventure Host
2010 - Moore Street, California
2011 - Forest Grove, California, Washington
2012 - Dilley Bible Church, Oregon, Vietnam
2013 - Saigon, Kathy, schools, FYG, schools
2014 - Ribs, other people
2015 - Old Ink, park
2016 - Anna
My Life - Forks
2017-10-24 - created - Tuesday 6:00 PM OTC
2017-10-24 - modified - Tuesday 8 PM OTC
1980s - 1990s - 2000s - 2010s - 2020s -
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