I am only nine months old, and probably the youngest Steemian on the planet. I can't write yet, so daddy types what I want to say. You can see a picture of me and daddy lower down.

Due to the long length of this post, I have decided to split this blog into several parts, which are linked here. This is Part 2. Links to the remaining parts are at the end of this post. Please feel free to click on Part 1, if you haven't read it yet.

Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 1
Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 2
Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 3

Daddy is originally from England, but he has lived here in Switzerland almost all his life. He’s now Swiss. Mummy comes from China. Daddy looks very old, more like a granddad, but mummy looks quite new.

Here's a picture of me with daddy , taken yesterday:

Neither of them are true Swiss. In fact, there aren’t any true Swiss. Those who aren’t descended from the French, Germans or Italians, are the ancestors of the Vikings who sailed from Iceland two or three thousand years ago. You can spot the ancestors of the Vikings by the Lederhösen they wear.

Mummy is trying to teach me to speak her mother tongue - Chinese. It sounds like Greek to me, but I am starting to get the hang of a few important words like “poo” and “no!”. Frankly, English is much easier.

I don’t have any toys. The Swiss haven’t invented toys yet. Luckily daddy is getting alot of grown-up toys from Ali-express. He lets me play with them. His latest toy from China was a fidget spinner. He's got lots of them, all different shapes and sizes. Here's a picture of his collection. You can see how much he paid on Ali-Express China, and how long each one spins:

Daddy is addicted to shopping on AliExpress

Daddy is a gadget fan. He loves technology, gadgets and new things of every kind. He buys everything from AliExpress in China. Almost every day there’s a packet that arrives from China. It’s very exciting. I can’t wait to see what’s in the packets.

Today we got fridge-magnets. They are great fun. I’ve already pulled them off the fridge and hidden them in strange and obscure corners of our cave. I know mummy and daddy enjoy hunting for the things I’ve hidden.

I can’t wait to see what Ali-Express will bring to us tomorrow.

I don’t know why daddy buys so many things from China. I think he’s addicted to online shopping. Maybe it’s the free postage. Maybe Chinese goods are just very cheap.

Where does mummy come from?

I often wonder if he bought mummy on Ali-Express? It wouldn’t surprise me. I wasn’t around at the time, so I can’t say for sure.

I am still on breast-milk. I love mummy’s breasts. So delicious! As far as I’m concerned, the longer I’m on mummy food, the better. I’m not relishing eating Swiss food. The main food here is called “Röstigraben”. It’s some kind of mix of roasted potatoes, cabbage, and grass, all mashed into a flat pie, and baked.

My favorite toy is daddy’s spectacles. We play a game, where I try to grab them off daddy’s nose, and he tries to stop me. Of course I always win. Then the game is for me to keep them as long as I can. I wave them around in the air and bang them on things until he manages to grab them back.

My other toy is daddy’s iPhone. He loves trying to figure how to get it back to the way it was after I’ve pressed all the buttons.

When daddy is too busy with his toys, he lets me play with his bitcoins. I’m getting pretty good at bitcoin trading.

As you may know, the Swiss are very rich. We only have two types of person here. “The rich and the very rich.” They’re almost all millionaires. The only poor people here are the tourists. They don’t see why it costs CHF 6000 to buy a fur coat or half a million for a diamond tiara. I mean some even complain at the 10 bucks it costs for a cup of coffee. Well, at least we have a better class of tourist than some other places. No “backpackers” here!

Having so many rich people explains why we have so many banks here. The Swiss need somewhere to stash their gold. There's plenty of gold buried in the Swiss mountains.

Here's a picture of some gold that daddy dug up outside his cave today.

Swiss banks

There are more banks than BMWs, and god knows, every second car here seems to be a BMW.

Swiss banks are the safest on the planet, so even wealthy foreigners come here to bank. Most people know that Swiss banks are not like in the James Bond movies. You simply can’t turn up with a suitcase full of cash and expect someone to take it. It simply wouldn’t be enough. You literally have to have many millions to be considered worthy enough to bank here.

Unlike other countries, where the banks lend money to poor unemployed teenagers to buy an Xbox, Switzerland doesn’t have any poor people to lend it to. They just stack up the gold bars in big piles in nuclear-proof vaults deep underneath the mountains. That’s what makes them extra safe. Of course without lending money the Swiss Banks wouldn’t make a profit. That’s why they charge you, the depositor, an interest rate or a fee for depositing your money.

Negative Interest rates

Even the Swiss government charges you money to lend it money. If you buy a ten year fixed interest Swiss Government bond, you will be charged a negative interest rate of around half a percent a year. Basically the Swiss attitude, if you don’t like paying the fee, is to say “No problem – go and invest in 30 year US treasuries”. Ha ha, I wonder how that will work out!!!!

The Swiss also love cash. They hate credit cards, preferring to carry cash.

The largest Swiss bank note is 1000 francs (That’s about $1’200). These large notes are far more common that you would expect. According to the official Swiss national Bank numbers, there are around CHF 45 billion of 1000 franc notes in circulation. That’s roughly one note for every man woman and child in Switzerland. Swiss babies are born rich without even doing a day’s work.

I would love to show you a photo of daddy's 1000 franc note. There's two problems. Firstly, I ate it for breakfast this morning. Secondly, I don't want daddy to be sentenced to death for copying the Swiss currency (see below).

Crime in Switzerland

Crime in Switzerland is almost non-existent. School-children are taught from the earliest age how to behave. Even in Kindergarten they start to teach the children how to sort the household rubbish into plastic, paper, cardboard, glass, tin, and so on. Switzerland is very ecological like that. By the time children are 5 or 6 years old, there's no risk of them committing the heinous crime of not recycling their coca-cola bottles.

The worst crime you can commit here in Switzerland is to forge the Swiss currency. That carries a mandatory death penalty. Other serious crimes like hanging your washing out on a Sunday, or failing to pick up your dog-poo, get off quite lightly, often with no more than three days in prison.

One Swiss crime, which goes largely un-punished, is the prohibition on men peeing while standing-up after 10pm. I’m a baby, and still in nappies, so it doesn’t affect me yet. I hope daddy doesn’t get caught.

STEEMIT WARNING: Photo Daddy_standing_up.JPG was removed on the grounds of public decency.

The Swiss also like chocolate a lot. According to the statistics, the Swiss are the biggest chocolate consumers in the world. Maybe that’s because Swiss chocolate tastes so delicious. Daddy’s favorite chocolate is “Pavé Genevois”. You can only buy it in Geneva, and it must be consumed quickly – at least that’s what daddy tells mummy. Banks and “chocolateries” are as common as Starbucks and McDonalds are in America.

Here is a picture of me inside one of the chocolateries. Yup! You see it correctly. the price of that small bag of chocolate is CHF 19, (about $24).

By Christmas, I will be one-year-old. I want to go to ski. Daddy says “no”. Apparently you have to be two year’s old before they put you on skis. If you get to the age of three and can’t ski yet, the kids in the kindergarten will call you “retarded”.

This was the second post out of three in the "Introduceyourself" section. If you haven't read posts 1 or 3 you can click on the link below. In post 3, I introduce Daddy, who is my ghost writer. He writes all my Steemit posts, as haven't learned to write yet.

Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 1
Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 2
Introduceyourself @swissclive Part 3