I 've invested steem in a harddrink company! [Comedy Open Mic Round #9]
This article is my own intellectual property (whatever that means), and was published with a press of a button on a website where people decide about copyright bullshit without having a clue about sharing. I mean, I publish because i want people to read it and take a MENTAL COPY and thereby have the right to COPY my article because I want people to read my shit. GOT IT? NO? Need to explain it in another way? YES?
This article is PUBLIC DOMAIN, I if don't want people to make a mental copy of my shit then..., well...? THEN I WOULD NOT PUBLISH IT
GOT IT?
O right, I was planning to write an article.
Bloody hell I forgot what I was going to write.
Lost a complete DAY over this backwards copy restriction SHIT. This is the internet right? People SHARE information and therefore have the RIGHT to read it.
I have freedom of speech, they have the RIGHT to READ what I PUBLISHED as being MY OWN PUBLISHER.
This sucks, I can't let go of bullshit.
OK tomorrow I'll do another try to remember what I wanted to write.
...frecking disclaimer bullshit. Why didn't I write the title to begin with...
OK, a new day... lets try this again..
FRAC!RAW
Frackin awesome harddrinks, fresh from the well.
So what is this RAW water? I'm sure wiki can tell me.
O here i must make an ugly quote to make it less readable for plagiarism bullshit
Here it comes people, a copy of a public domain wikipedia that may even be 100% different next week when someone edit's it to oblivion.
RAW WATER
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Raw water is natural water found in the environment that has not been treated and does not have any of its minerals, ions, particles, bacteria, or parasites removed. Raw water includes rainwater, ground water, water from infiltration wells, and water from bodies like lakes and rivers.
Raw water is generally unsafe for human consumption due to the presence of contaminants. A major health problem in some developing countries is use of raw water for drinking and cooking.
So,
After some more investigation, I discovered that most parts of the USA that actually contain natural water have been turned into fracking sites.
And this water contains all kinds of chemical additives. Hell this is going to be difficult as most of these chemicals are illegal in Europe.
What to do, what to do? If I want to sell my trendy harddrink then I need those damn chemicals to enter Europe under the radar, and find a way to make them legal without ever needing to do any of the boring legal stuff.
Then I got a BRILLIANT idea, a double whammy.
The business plan is as follows. I contact the most horrible fracking company, and get them in touch with my government. The lobbists even come to me to give me money for opening up a few backdoors. And I signed a deal with them that IF the deal goes trough that I get a massive share in the fracking company, but in a way that I'll never can be held responsible for anything. This way then can poison Europe with American chemicals, get energy out of European soil on the cheap, then sell the energy for brutally high prices. I get my share on those deals without having to do shit! So no time is wasted on my part, flippin awesome!
Example of a well organised bottling-plant
that sounds much nicer then a frackingsite, eh?
Source disclaimer shit: Someone pasted it in discord.
If it is a crime to look at this picture then why did they put it on the web?
Look away if you don't want to break the American law. I'm in Europe, and far as I know American laws are backwards, so that means I'm doing the right thing after all.
But that's not all. Here comes the best part! the fracking produces LOTS of waste water, and here is THE VERY BEAUTY of my plan:
I can even ship it back to the USA where the FDA opens up the market for me for selling poison to the people, because lets face it, there are WAY to many people on this planet. And for every cancer I create the cancer industry will give me a bonus on top! A WIN WIN WIN situation! Just the genius that I am. Lord R. will arrange a medal for me from Queen E. for doing the very same to the people in the UK, where Brexit allows me to siphon off even more money. O boy, how will I ever spend all that money? I think I need to start collecting cars.
And well here is my product. It's in the shop at the end of this month.
FRAC!RAW, The latest harddrink straight from the well. Run to your local grocery store right now, and enjoy that bite it gives in your upper lip.
FRAC!RAW. The harddrink that will change your life faster then ~~~Coca-cola~~~. Ehm BLEEP that out at will dear trademark gestapo! Just realise that ~~~Coca-cola~~~ is bottling the drinks FOR me, so there is no trademark issue! Yes I cover all my bases, all of the time. I just live this shit.
FRAC!RAW, you don't even need to cool it, it just IT BURNS!
Disclaimer to disclaim al the disclaimable claims of disclaiming:
I really did my best to tell my story but if it has become unreadable due to all the copyright disclaimery then I sincerely apologise.
Satire disclaimer: To spoil all the fun I also disclaim that this entire article is bullshit from the highest order. So you need to take everything I wrote with a grain of salt. Just like all shitstream media, with the exception that I'm doing my best to be honest about it. (even though it destroys the very point of being satire)
Appollogy 13 Disclaimer: Disclaimer that went not to the moon and back to appollo-guise for NASA to never have gone to the moon and stuff.
I digress wile digressing so I better post this article before I loose the plot of all plots while plotting a new plot digression.
Cheers,
Drink FRAC!RAW, it fuzzes on your tongue.
I nominate :
and
Hey @bifilarcoil, please nominate 2 people to participate in this round and how do I get me some of this FRAC!RAW. I love fuzzy drinks.
what is the proper way to nominate people? ... i suck at rules...
I'll find 2 good nominees soon
You can just name them in your post and contact them directly if you prefer just to let them know you nominated them.
they are now listed @ the bottom of the post
and i indeed have dropped them a message about the nomination
Yep, I saw. Thank you.
I will send you a free bottle of FRAC!RAW if you don't mind a little bribe. :-D
This was frackin' awesome
feel free to become a shareholder!
My son is on the inside, works for Halliburton, if you need a contact
😀 😁 😂 🤣 😃 😄 😅 😆 😉 😊 😋 😎
I can give him discounts if he can leak some cocktail ingredients. :-D
LOL
I think he'd rather be a partner? 😋 😎
What about building a bottling plant in your backyard and pay me 75% for the licence? :-)
nah the water is too pure ;)
There are lots of investors who would be happy to help you change that. You just need to open your wallet and look away .
Mooi stukje satire met zo veel waarheid er in 😂. Blijf schoppen tegen die schenen ouwe!
Satire is een mooie teamsport. :-D
Drink the coolaid...drink FRAC!RAW
Your dentist will love you! I even get donations and upvotes form the Pharma boys.
What would @magic8ball do?
I have been summoned to answer your question! My Magic 8-Ball says:
Hi! I'm a bot, and this answer was posted automatically. Check this post out for more information.
hahaha sounds a bit like the promo the Chinese used to sell the American gov. their toxic waste and turn into fluoride to "treat" our water with.
hilarious disclaimers at the end too lol got a good laugh!
i have copyright on those
Hello, I represent the Morton and Morton Salt company, I will have you know that we at Morton and Morton have copyrighted the word Salt, you are in violation, so you need to change that word right away to something like Sodium Chloride 32 and don't even think of ever uttering the term Iodized in connection with sodium Chloride, or we will see you.....well we will be very upset with you..
Fun Post. But I still think pictures should come with a source link if it is not your own picture.
both pictures have the source. as far as could check, I made the FRAC!RAW ad. (I even out my logo and a copyright thingy on it)
WHOOOO I MADE IT Now nobody may look at it without giving me MONEY.
Then what's the point of making it?
Do i also need to say this in the article ?
Do i also need to say what software i used what version and what filters and who programmed the software and under what licence it is released? And next year i must record the entite procces of creating the thing as proof?
And who made the fonts, ans under what licence the fonts are released.
hehe
Is Natrium still alowed or is that a Trade Mark for Salt? Please sue me for saying salt i really needed to say the word to be able to say what i wanted to say.
How dare you post that picture without my permission. How dare you use pictures that are available in the public domain. Don't you understand international internet copyright law?
with basic courage, just upload ....
LOL
International law of what country? Mine yours or of the russian who is hosting it in decentralised space?
OR a special US law that rules them all?
You forgot about deep space copyright law...aliens have copyright laws too.
we can turn our botteling plantsinto makeshift SpaceSex rocket launchers and shoot ElonMuskifiedSextoys into deepspace to compensate for this.
check sick of the lies comment below in this tread
Coooool. We have the perfect volunteer astronauts that would like to donate their services to the cause. They could conduct some tests to see how your product handles deep space and the extreme conditions that humans may have to deal with in the future. They are also lawyers and can make sure that your product does not breach any of the alien copyright laws. This will save your company from any possible copyright infringements that may apply according to their rules.
We are working on a deal with Elonius M., we discovered some explosive features that can turn our FRAC!RAW in to rocket fuel. We added @bashadow's Patented Salt, and that makes big boom! The exiting part is that we can use the residue as lubrication for the toys and it even may reduce the number of newborn children on Mars
This product will soon be launched as FRAC!NSFW
Musk even wants to paint his SpaceSex rockets in the same colors as our retail package, but the ladies of the FDA would not let go of the paint designs. And as a result the guys in Hollywood decided to destroy the design with a plethora of very costly NSFW related logo's. They refused to realise that NSFW already covered the combined bunch of logo's at no cost for us. So this little snag may delay the launch of Pecker13 for weeks if not months.
Any solutions to circumcise this issue are welcome, Pecker 13 has to get launched ASAP before the payload goes bad.
I summon the the wise @magic8ball on this far reaching and complex issue!
I have been summoned to answer your question! My Magic 8-Ball says:
Hi! I'm a bot, and this answer was posted automatically. Check this post out for more information.
on a more serious note:
Trump Sucks
I'm sick of the lies, sick of the wars
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