Who Fills Your Heart

Her lime green socks were the only bright thing on this dreary morning. Socks she had knitted herself and not any sane person would wear but they looked awesome on her.

For some reason, no matter what she was wearing she always looked great even a potato bag did. She wasn't aware of that fact which attracted even more people and by people I mean men. They followed her, winked, blinked, smiled at her and she? She was kind to each one of them. The good, bad and ugly and I wish she wouldn't do that. There was no need to share with all those strangers, those predators, men who thought they had a chance to get to know her better. I knew better and wished she did too. Slowly her kindness and her relations started eating me. She swore at her mother's grave I had nothing to worry about, she loved me, even loved me into pieces and that was exactly my point. She had loved me into pieces, I was shattered and the only way out of it, my last option to glue what was left of me was by getting rid of her. A dreary morning, a dark day can be good. It was what it was for me. Those days can brighten up your day in the end. "With or without you," I hummed. Lime-green socks without her would make my day.

"You know what I mean. Who fills your heart?" my mother asked me. She became noisy lately most likely because the years passed by and I never showed up with a date, a candidate good enough to assure her of grandchildren. I never tried to explain to her that that perfect baby-donor person would never arrive. I had no intention to be a parent. Not now or in the future. Children, all those extra responsibilities were not what I had in mind. My mother would behave like a child soon enough and I was not looking forward to that moment either. We had never been close and would never be. She never really cared about me, mainly fulfilled her own dreams and wishes and her voice was good for triggering the next migraine.

"Do you copy me", she asked but didn't wait for my answer. The only thing she was interested in was what others thought about her. At her age not having grandchildren made her an outlaw and her friends wondered what was wrong with me or most of all wrong with her since she raised me.

"Lime green, it's the trend for nursery rooms," she went on.

I frowned. Lime-green... Lime green... it had been my solution once, why shouldn't it be twice?

"I am out for a week or three," I interrupted her walked out of the door and closed it behind me. For a moment I stood behind it and listened. It went in exactly the way I expected. She immediately called her friends and informed them about my early leave and planned holiday. It was good enough. I only needed a few days to prepare. There was room enough and I had plenty of choice. I smiled. It is good to have perspective, to make plans and a bright future laid ahead of me.

The only thing that would be left was a house smelling like a dog but why should I care? The owner would figure out she was gone soon enough. He would clean it up and rent the home to someone else.

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Picture: source
Date: 4-8-2024 / 2021

The pictures used are all mine unless mentioned differently.

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