"Let's talk!" №7 - "Is it possible to forgive adultery?" // "Давайте поговорим" №7 - "Можно ли простить измену?"
Hello, everyone! It's "Let's Talk" again! This time we're going to talk about cheating, yes, physical cheating in a normal marriage.
Is it possible to forgive? If so, why? Or should you move on to an open relationship if you cheat?
It's a worrying subject, but it exists in our world, as sad as it is. Many divorces happen because of adultery, while there are also marriages that can go through this stage of life with ease.
Write your opinion in the comments! The authors of the three most informative and interesting answers will each receive 2 Steem. The results will be announced on April 22nd, after 18:00 UTC.
We value everyone's opinion! Share your own or other people's life experiences in the comments! Good luck!
RU
Всем привет! С вами снова рубрика "Давайте поговорим!" На этот раз мы предлагаем обсудить вам тему измен, да-да, физических измен в обычном браке.
Можно ли простить? Если да, то почему? Или в случае измены стоит переходить на свободные отношения?
Это волнительная тема, но она существует в нашем мире, как бы это ни было печально. Много разводов случается из-за измен, при этом есть и браки, которые могут спокойно пройти этот жизненный этап.
Напишите свое мнение в комментариях! Авторы трех самых информативных и интересных ответов получат по 2 Steem. Итоги подведем 22 апреля, после 18:00 UTC.
Нам важно мнение каждого! Поделитесь в комментариях своим или чужим жизненным опытом! Удачи!
Мы все живые люди, нам не чужды ошибки, но измена - катализатор проблем в семье или паре. Это либо разрушенные отношения и их отсутствие , или банально не понимание ролей и потребностей друг друга. Мы тут не будем говорить о полигамных открытых отношениях, но, даже там важны честность и обсуждаемость. Что касается моногамных отношений -"баба яга" категорически против измен. Быстрее всего, я не приму обратно изменщика. Для меня очень важно Доверие и Честность в отношениях. Я не приму, если выберут, даже в какой то момент и на какой то период, не меня. Причём для меня не особое значение будет иметь , это другая женщина , порно, алкоголь или другие вредные привычки. Исключительным является то, что мне предпочитают что-то или кого-то еще.
Я была в браке 13 лет, мой муж мне не изменял, но он пил, по сути, во многих моментах , это ничем не лучше. Это именно момент предпочтения и выбора. Сейчас я строю новые отношения, максимально стараюсь обсуждать с нынешним мужчиной все наши дела. Трудно представить , что будет дальше. Но измена, это то, что может поставить жирный крест на наших отношениях. И да, и в первом и во втором браках, было основное условие, если, при каких то условиях ты все же изменил - живи и мучайся с этим сам, не надо мне приходить и облегчать душу. И перекладывать ответственность за свои поступки на меня. Я считаю, еще более низким поступком, не только измерить, но и признаться в этом. Потому что ты дважды причиняешь боль от события. А так, изменил, принял, пережил, не надо ставить это событие во главу угла отношений и выбора - продолжать или расставаться. Повторюсь еще раз, измена, в большинстве случаев- катализатор проблем в паре. И именно эти проблемы должны привести либо к развитию отношений путем решения вопросов или к разрыву. А никак не измена, которая скорее дважды обидит и унизит партнера. И если ты хочешь расстаться - надо быть честным с собой , прежде всего и принять ответственность за свою жизнь и расстаться. Вот как то так))).
Можно, наверное...
У меня есть знакомые, которые это пережили - жена простила мужа, у них было двое детей - родили еще двоих, живут вполне хорошо - по крайней мере, я так вижу... но я считаю, что он накосячил не тогда, когда изменил, а когда рассказал об этом сестре жены... а она ей.
Еще пример - муж не смог простить измену жены (развелись, она живет с тем мужчиной счастливо (я уверена) вопреки всему) при том что он в период их совместной жизни ни одной юбки сам не пропускал.
Опять же дама не смогла сдержать в себе содеянное...
Амораль сей басни такова: накосячил (а) - лучше молчи, пока не сделал (а) конкретных выводов о том, что больше не можешь (не хочешь) жить с этим человеком, или считаешь это невозможным. Не надо сваливать на него (нее) это свое неправильное...случившееся. Решай-ка эту проблему сам (а). А не вот по-хитренькому - на чужие плечи, и мучаться вдвоем...
Пост идет... нельзя, конечно, вот так писать. Но я так думаю.
Покончить с изменой и идти на исповедь. К Богу (не к жене и не к мужу). А дальше - как пойдет. Сами поймете, говорить - не говорить. Но нужна ли ему (ей) эта ваша правда, если она ничего, кроме душевного раздрая, вашей половине не принесет. Человек слаб - он припомнит. Даже если уверенно простит. А оно вам надо?
Greetings!
It is actually possible to forgive adultery, however, it is not the best thing to do. Why?
First of all, I stated it is possible because it is feasible, it is probable, you know? We all know plenty of cases in which that has happened, either if it is a woman who forgives a man, or a man who forgives a woman; we have all witnessed those cases.
Now, why do I state that it is "not the best thing to do"? Because of the act of cheating itself. Cheating is never an accident. It is a choice. Cheaters often ask for forgiveness because they know for sure that their partners have something that the person they cheated with, doesn't. They have stability, and in many cases, they have children in common, which makes the situation a little bit of more advantage for them, and when they get their forgiveness, they have been implicitly given permission to do it again...
But I still haven't defined why it is a mistake to forgive a cheater: It is a mistake, because the person who cheats has already violated the trust the other person granted him/her, and nobody deserves to be betrayed, especially because who cheats once, can cheat twice, and even more if allowed.
No one should lay down next to a person who has betrayed him/her. That's not healthy, or fair.
P.S: I have based my arguments on general notions and truths, because if I had based them on my personal experience (from my family and my own), I had extended myself too much, besides, I wanted to keep it as objective as possible.
Я прошла через уродливую ситуацию очень плохой ситуации, отец моей дочери, когда я забеременела изменил мне с другой женщиной и имел сына, который того же возраста, что и моя дочь, это ситуация, которая не является легкой, потому что доверие больше не то же самое, хотя мы пытались много раз мы не можем приветствовать друг друга....
There are also cases of cheating on marriage. Many times two children get married of their own free will. Don't tell anyone in the family about marriage. But after a while, the boy or girl kept the marriage secret and got married somewhere else according to the wishes of the family. .It is also seen that when the love affair between the two breaks down for any reason, either party starts making fake cabinet letter and claiming as husband or wife. .Again, it is seen that they are not married at all but they are married. If the girl does not like it anymore or if the girl becomes pregnant then the boy starts refusing marriage. .Such incidents are considered as marriage related crimes. If there is cheating or any other crime in marriage then is there any chance to get it? Of course there is. The Penal Code provides for severe punishment for marriage-related offenses.
Complaints for marriage-related offenses can be sought by going to the police station or court. A case has to be filed as a statement in the police station. If you do not want to take the case, you can go directly to the Judicial Magistrate's Court and file a case directly. .Some do not go to the police station but file a case directly in the court. There is no problem. When filing a case in the court, you have to give a clear description of the allegation along with proper evidence and also give the names and addresses of the witnesses. The court can make any order after taking the statement of the complainant. .In many cases, the complaint can be directed to the preliminary investigation without taking into accountIf someone publishes intimate pictures of themselves as husband or wife through Facebook or any other social media but no marriage has been consummated at all, then there is an opportunity to file a case under the Information and Communication Technology Act and this case has to be filed with the police station. Apart from this, if a fake cabinet letter is made, allegations of fraud can be brought.
It is not possible to bear and forgive and forget others blunders. But everything is not impossible, Being a Human we should give them 2nd chance to show sincerity and maturity and reform his /her self. For others life improvement we should forgive. It's also a good will or gesture to show kindness with him/her.
Thanks
Hi, @steemit-family .This is my opinion about you question.
Marriage is a social bond, a valid contract through which a man and a woman establish a marital relationship. But if someone betrays or commits adultery with her, the foundation of that relationship is destroyed.
And this adultery can actually be forgiven and never goes away. It depends on the mentality of the individual. Even if I can forgive adultery, others may not.
However, many people do not like to forgive adultery. It shouldn't be. When one confesses to betrayal, one realizes how great the pain is.
I mean, from my own feelings, When I was betrayed, I thought I might not survive. I wasn't in the middle of it. I felt very small. I did not think that he did that! So everything was a lie?At one point I forgave him for the pain, but only after he left. Because it is not possible to live together with an adulterous traitor. If I had forgiven him earlier, I would have given him a chance. He might have thought it was my weakness. He would have hurt me again. So I forgave him but I left. Maybe I had a shortcoming, maybe I couldn't be like his mind. Let him be with someone like his mind.
In fact, many people have bad temper and commit adultery because it is bad temper. Again, many are involved in adultery because of their surroundings.
My opinion
Adultery is the sin of the flesh when married giving way to infidelity either on the part of the man or the woman.
When the man cheats he does it mostly from the carnal point of view without giving way to true feelings for the other person, however when the woman cheats it is something more of feeling or anger to get even for a previous infidelity.
I think you can say that you can forgive an infidelity but there will always be a small thorn in the heart that will never forget it and that will prick the heart at the slightest suspicion that the other person will do it again.
For my part, I tried to forgive an infidelity because I considered that I was not being the best wife and I neglected my husband too much, allowing him to cheat on me.
But I thought that was the only time, when I found out that he had a relationship when he was newly married and another one after the forgiveness granted, I realized that it was not worth continuing with that relationship and I ended it definitively in my heart and soul.
And as the saying goes "The first time is his fault, the second time is yours", that being said, you should not forgive the betrayer.
I've seen a case that the husband commit adultery with another woman and have a child as a result of it, the legal wife forgive the husband and take care of that child like her own till the child grow up and become something in life. So it's quite possible to forgive the adultery.
If one cheat he or she should not move on with an open relationship with the person instead they should made it known to others and repent from doing so, plead for forgiveness and pray to God to forgive them also, among all the should not go on practicing it any longer.
Thanks for reading
Best regards to @steemit-family
Though adultery is a very serious sin, even God's word the Bible says that we should not commit adultery and in the mosaic law anyone who committed adultery was stone to dead but when Jesus came to the earth he said that adultery is a serious sin too and it is the only ground for divorce, but if the couple decided to forgive one another if at all one of them committed adultery they can do that.
My opinion is best on what the Bible says, adultery can be forgiven if the person committed it shows a remorseful attitude and if it was not intentionally, because something can leads to it.so I will say that it is possible to forgive though it is painful.
Why I said so is that the Bible says that we do not know how many times that we sin against God but he forgive us and if we want God to forgive us of our sin we must forgive one another who sin against us.
The person that is cheated should repent and seek for the forgiveness instead of trying to start another relationship because it might not work for him/her
Thanks for reading my opinion @steenit-family