The fourth time I committed suicide. | "The Keyword of the Week" | [es-en]
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"La cuarta vez que me suicidé."
shortstory
"MOTIVOS ULTERIORES" CONTEST: "The Keyword of the Week" by @hive-107855
Queridos papá y mamá
Quiero aprovechar este, el que espero sea mi cuarto y último suicidio para expresarles por escrito todo lo que no les había podido decir hasta ahora. Ha sido muy difícil para mí hablarles con sinceridad y franqueza, eso lo aprendí muy bien de ustedes, el evadir decirnos las cosas cara a cara.
No se realmente cuanto dolor y confusión causaré en cada uno de ustedes, pero si se cuánto los afectará socialmente entre sus círculos de amigos. Ni siquiera suicidarme pude hacerlo bien, esta vez, se los juro, será la última. Ha sido algo que he considerado profundamente y creo que es lo mejor para todos.
Durante años, viví en una opresión constante nuestra relación. Sus expectativas y demandas que pusieron sobre mí fueron abrumadoras, me desgastaron, me consumieron, por nunca poder llenarlas. Vivir “en familia” fue realmente permanecer atrapado en un ciclo de toxicidad física y emocional que me quebraron. Cada fue una lucha constante para mantenerme a flote, para mantener mi propia identidad y encontrar felicidad en medio de la oscuridad que lanzaban sobre mi.
No se trata de culparlos, ni apuntarles con el dedo, solo necesito ser sincero acerca de cómo me he sentido. Con ustedes aprendí muy bien a ser invisible, a ser incomprendido, como si mis sueños y deseos no importaran. Su constante presión para que yo siguiera su camino, un camino que no resonaba conmigo, desgastaron en mi espíritu la posibilidad de futuro.
Sin embargo, a pesar de todo esto, quiero que sepan que suicidarme por cuarta vez, es mi manera de decirles que los amo y deseo lo mejor para ustedes. Me gustaría creer que, lejos de mi presencia, podrán encontrar la felicidad que se merecen, que nunca tuvieron. Mi partida no es un acto de abandono, sino un intento desesperado de encontrar mi propio camino y permitirles encontrar el suyo.
Les pido que, por favor, comprendan mi posición y acepten mi decisión. No es fácil, lo sé, pero estoy convencido de que es necesario. Por favor, se los ruego, no pidan que me revivan, si este, mi cuarto intento por irme, no funciona. Espero que puedan seguir adelante, encontrar la paz y la felicidad en sus vidas, liberados de la carga que represento para ustedes.
Con todo mi amor y dolor,
“Detrás de todo comportamiento hay una intención positiva (o lo fue cuando se inició).” Presuposición de la Programación Neurolingüística
English Version
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"The fourth time I committed suicide."
shortstory
"ULTERIOR MOTIVES" CONTEST: "The Keyword of the Week" by @hive-107855
Dear mom and dad
I want to take advantage of this, what I hope is my fourth and last suicide, to express to you in writing everything that I had not been able to tell you until now. It has been very difficult for me to speak to you with sincerity and frankness, I learned that very well from you, avoiding telling us things face to face.
I don't really know how much pain and confusion it will cause each of you, but I do know how much it will affect you socially among your circles of friends. I couldn't even do suicide right, this time, I swear, it will be the last. It's been something I've considered deeply and I think it's best for everyone.
For years, I lived in constant oppression in our relationship. Their expectations and demands that they placed on me were overwhelming, they wore me down, consumed me, never being able to fulfill them. Living “as a family” was really about staying trapped in a cycle of physical and emotional toxicity that broke me. Each was a constant struggle to stay afloat, to maintain my own identity and find happiness in the midst of the darkness that was thrown at me.
It's not about blaming them, or pointing fingers, I just need to be honest about how I've been feeling. With you I learned very well to be invisible, to be misunderstood, as if my dreams and desires did not matter. Their constant pressure for me to follow their path, a path that did not resonate with me, wore away the possibility of a future in my spirit.
However, despite all this, I want you to know that committing suicide for the fourth time is my way of telling you that I love you and wish the best for you. I would like to believe that, far from my presence, they will be able to find the happiness they deserve, that they never had. My leaving is not an act of abandonment, but a desperate attempt to find my own path and allow them to find theirs.
I ask you to please understand my position and accept my decision. It's not easy, I know, but I am convinced that it is necessary. Please, I beg you, don't ask to be revived, if this, my fourth attempt to leave, doesn't work. I hope you can move forward, find peace and happiness in your lives, freed from the burden that I represent for you.
With all my love and pain,
“Behind all behavior there is a positive intention (or there was when it began).” Assumption of Neurolinguistic Programming.
Fuentes
Bases del Concurso: CONTEST: "The Keyword of the Week" by @hive-107855
Imágenes
- Las imágenes y gif son de mi creación a partir de Promts editados en Ideogram.ai. Dicha aplicación emplea la Inteligencia Artificial, para generar imágenes, a partir de frases y oraciones escritas. Estas son libres de derechos
[1] Ver mi galería en Ideogram.ai: joslud )
 Original production by @joslud -- #wox-joslud |
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We are the hope!
https://x.com/josluds/status/1747277841467596941?s=20
Dear @joslud - you really got me with this - fictitious - letter. I come from such a family where we didn't talk to each other. Where there were no discussions about my ideas and a lot of expectations that I didn't want to fulfil. I assure you, my letter wouldn't be so conciliatory and caring...
Thanks for sharing @weisser-rabe
🤣In my case the therapy sessions were of some use, 🤣😃 and I can talk about it and sublimate my family affections.
But the story, at least in my intention when writing it, hidden behind the conciliatory language, there is a premeditated revenge.
I understand - I'm not that subtle. More like: straight to the face ;-))