It's the words of a song, maybe if you are from the baby boomers or the next unfortunate generation, you recognise those words.

Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes

But I can take or leave it if I please.

It was the theme song of MASH 4077, normally know as M.A.S.H. but in the television series theme over the opening credits, it was turned into an instrumental.
Suicide is Painless

Source you-tube, I own no rights in this material

That's how I remember the facts, later on I'll use google to check my arse.
maybe it had words, all the time

Little did they know I suppose, when they wrote that song, that it would become a leading cause of death.

Suicide might seem painless, and in certain cases probably is, but it fucks people over left behind, in most cases.

Rarely are we anywhere near as unloved as we somehow come to think, and we rarely can do the Leaving Las Vegas routine.

It's not like this...

Doug Stanhope on suicide, and watch out if you are easily offended, you should probably go somewhere else.

Source you-tube, I own no rights in this material

There are exceptions, such as what Doug Stanhope describes in this audio from the Opie and Anthony show about the death of his mother.

Source you-tube, I own no rights in this material

But suicide is not an act that can be considered in isolation from the real world.

Also, before I go too much further...

disclaimer.

I am not a recognised medical professional, I am a fuckin' painter. So use any information given here with your own due diligence.

I am in fact the anti-doctor.
Unless you can bring me a doctor who has been trained in functional medicine, I am not very interested in what they have to say.
If I have been in a car accident however, I suppose there is no choice.
You may take me post haste to the emergency room.

Anyway, as suicide is a topic that is part of me, and seems to be important and relevant right here and now on Steemit, I thought I might try to write down some of my thoughts.

Maybe it will help a few people. As it has gotten so long, I am posting in parts.

Certainly I am probably going to offend some people at some point here, as people take what I say so personally so often.
When I talk personally, I am talking about myself more often than not.

As I have dear dear friends who have lost somebody to suicide I really speak with a compassion, that might not come through in my words often.
And my main reason to think I have something to say on the matter is that I have considered suicide seriously right from the early days.
It just seemed to be one of the things that a lad like me had to consider.

When I discovered Albert Camus's quote...

"There is only one serious philosophical problem for the thinking young man, and that is whether or not to suicide"

...way back in the pre-internet world I took it on board as one of mine

I can't really consider myself a spammer if I link to my own blog so I will link you to a post where I reprinted Albert Camus's essay, the Myth of Sisyphus, when I was doing my second (or third) big failed project this year.

I found it incredibly informative to read what he really said, as I had carried the (taken out of context) quote around with me for so long, and for a completely unrelated reason found myself reading the original source.

The above quoted words are the version that I had written down in some sketchbook or other all those years ago, and it was how I had stuck it inside my head.

I found the longer, (original translation) longer version, from the first essay in the book The Myth of Sisyphus and other essays called An Absurd Reasoning

"There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest -- whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories -- comes afterward. These are games; one must first answer."
source

but by the end of the book, if you read the afore-linked essay, you will see that he decides that Sisyphus is smiling on his way back down the mountain.

I had been living by a false quote. lol

As a specialist in risk and failure I have been on the wrong side of the line so many times.

I have failed.

I continue to fail.

In failure is the thing I am looking for.

But it can't be found, only looked for, in ever more defined places. Despite what Pablo Picasso might say, but he was talking about art, and I am talking about the art of life.

I refer to quotes, that I have used in earlier posts.

I have burnt my friends and lost my lovers.
I have lost my only son, a biblical punishment as if one was necessary.
For I did not even gain the whole world.
Just lost more each time.

I always move forward and so rarely back that until recently I never even took my past into account.

Except as an accumulation of scenes for the future movie, with the future Brad Pitt that is chosen to play my character at twenty five years old.

Drunken charismatic arsehole

I have had some of the classic suicide prompts that one can hear of.
The first time I woke up in the watch-house, I thought my life was already ending

By the time I had done that 40 or so times, it got easy

And even after I was six years sober already, I threw away my life and all that I had built to follow a Spanish piece of... (arse as they so crudely used to put it in places where uncooth man beasts hang out and drink), back to Spain, mainly because I am so stubborn, and like to gamble for real.

I immediately fucked up in the worst possible way and found myself on the other side of the planet with nobody. and nothing. and I didn't even speak the language.
And drinking, of course.

And I had nothing and life seemed to have ended.

I ended up, only five weeks after arriving, flying home to my side of the planet with tears streaming down my face for the whole trip, and believe me that's a long time as that's a long trip. And it didn't stop as my sister drove me to my mum's house so I could lick my wounds for a while.
and on and on.

I have built it up only to dash it all away so many times.

Each and everyone would make a great post.

But for once I am not here to talk about me. Well, to the extent that it is possible for me to talk about something outside of me.

The fact is, that as someone who has seriously considered taking his own life virtually most days of his cognitive existence on the planet, and is still here this day, the 15th of September in the year of my dogs 2017, I have some stuff accumulated which could possibly be of service.

I have tried to reach out to certain people on here who I think could benefit from some of this, and in my innocence and naivety didn't think about the fact that this stuff can be hard to get straight in the face.
like a roundhouse swing, that breaks half your face.

I have had that one too

lol

remind me to tell some of those stories

but back to the topic.

Suicide, depression, bi-polar, adhd, fuck-ups

They are all related problems
I know that excessive weight is also a related problem, but I have not suffered from that one.
I will have something to say about it, but it is a side problem.

Start making breakthroughs on these other fronts, and the weight will go away by itself

so lets get into it

Here is where I lose a heap of you, so try hard to stay when I say the following statement

most, if not all, of your problems are dietary in nature

I know that can be a tough cookie, one bitter pill and other metaphors, all mixed together and not very appetising
at least that's what everybody thinks

But you would be stunned at how good my breakfast tastes.

it's probably 12 midday by the time I eat it.

The post I wanted to do today was a day in the life of the bicho, but that's not this one, so we'll stick to the important thing

food is your mood

and death cult food from the death cult corporations is causing your death cult too

simple as that
one of the first and simplest things one can do to regain some sense of proportion and sanity in this most insane of worlds, is to vote with your money

vote with your money, it's the only vote that counts.

stop buying anything (at least in 'food' products) that comes from a multi-national corporation.
Easier to say than to practise, as most fruit and vegetable distribution is also controlled by multi-nationals, but if at least you stop buying processed food and beverage products, the battle is almost won.

Big claim, and I am afraid I am going to do no more than to point to a few authoritative voices on this one, and then move on.
These are not in any way affiliate links.
I have no relationship with any of these people, except as an admirer of their work.
And an admirer of Izabella and Kelly as sheer gorgeousness too, but that's about me.

Look into the work of Dr Kelly Brogan and Dr Izabella Wentz and Dr Patrick Gentempo, or is it the other guy? They get mixed up in my head still a little
I will google before publishing

It was the other guy, lol but, well, I was impressed by this quote from Patrick Gentempo too

"EVERYONE, ON SOME SCALE OF LIFE, IS COMPELLED TO BE AN INTELLECTUAL FORCE.
THEY MUST THINK. THEY MUST VALUE. THEY MUST ACT.
AVOIDANCE OF SUCH IS THE VERY NATURE OF DEPRAVITY AND THE ROOT OF SOCIETY'S ILLS."
PATRICK GENTEMPO, JR.

not so impressed by the block caps

lol

And there's a whole heap of others too. The Dark Side of Wheat by Sayer Ji is a very informative book, and his website greenmedinfo is a must have resource.
Dr Mark Hyman
and the aforementioned other guy
Dr Tom O'Bryan

and heaps more, but that's not the point. They all have variations on the same theme.

"A person who has their health has a thousand dreams.
A person who does not, has just one"
Dr Izabella Wentz

If you want an eye opening statistic, the aforementioned completely fabulous Kelly Brogan, (happily married with kids drats) and whose speciality is psychiatry made the following statement, on an episode of Isabella Wentz's documentary series about thyroid problems.

"Eighty percent of Bi Polar diagnoses are actually gluten sensitivity"

And a few minutes later, the psychiatrist damn google that made the extraordinary sounding claim that every patient of hers is treated as a dietary sensitivity until that avenue is exhausted.
And they are both radically successful strategies, let me add.
They both have success rates with their patients far above average, which, as you may know, are very low for psychiatrists in general.

The most difficult thing for them to achieve with their patients, is the same as it is for me now.

You are all backing away saying don't take my pizza, donuts, ice-cream and coke away from me.

And @r0nd0n says over my dead body, you'll pry that shit out of my cold dead hands only then.

lol
I am just making that up, sort of

and my girlfriend @menoslobos is the same, some things are sacred.

lol
and every time she visits I end up eating bread again and for half a week afterwards too. (or longer like this last time)

but anyway

cliff notes version, and we can move on, because diet is huge, but it's not the only thing I have to offer for your contemplation.

If you want to start feeling better mentally, fat is your friend, and sugar and sweeteners are both your enemies

Lol, but the fats are a fickle and tricky lot and only a few types of fat are friendly, the rest of 'em will turn on you and stab you right in the heart, literally really

But if you have brain fog, if you feel like shit just ain't worth it, if it's all too much, what is really is is that you have too much sugar and simple starches in your diet, and not enough good fats.

My aforementioned breakfast plate of mung and lentil sprouts, is actually a complicated little plate of therapeutic substances.

I only recently rediscovered sprouts, and they have saved my...

bacon,

...to throw that word in here too. (gotta think of the googles)

they are an incredible source of heaps of nutrition, (the sprouts, not the bacons) fresh as fuck right there in your home for a little money and a lot of work.

If people like my service posts, I will make one about successful seed sprouting

But anyway, I take a great big plateful of the two types of sprouts, or more types if the weather is kind.
I take a big sharp kitchen knife and holding them in a bunch I cut them into smaller bits, and sometimes, if I am feeling generous I add some other ingredients, you know, peppers or carrots etc, but usually not. I added onion, garlic and ginger this morning.
But usually, and I am a little embarrassed to say, I add those same things as powders.

I also add turmeric, as powder, because I have not been able to access any fresh turmeric root. (cúrcuma en castellano)

then I go on down my spice rack. I add cinnamon and black pepper. The pepper is vital, as it deactivates the main pathway through which our bodies de-naturalise the active ingredients in turmeric, allowing the turmeric to have more than one thousand times the anti-inflammatory response in the body.

I add curry powder, as well, which is mainly turmeric (the brand I buy, lets not bicker over curry recipes) but also cilantro and cardamom and cumin and chilli, which satisfies some of my daily need for nifty bits of alliteration.

I then top off my alliterative plate with a copious quantity of coconut (desiccated) and sometimes raisins.

but it doesn't stop there.
And again I repeat my disclaimer, I am not a medical professional, take everything I say and do with a grain of salt.

But the salt comes a little later.

I then spoon five (currently, it tends to creep up) teaspoons of extra virgin olive oil see my olive oil post which is heavily infused with all the active ingredients of beautiful marijuana heads.

And then a tiny pinch of salt and copious quantities of lemon juice freshly squeezed with my puny strength, or apple cider vinegar if I have no lemons, or a bit of both.

And lately I have been adding some pats of grass fed irish cow's milk butter.
And I want to be vegan again, but I have felt better so far in the head department, since I have added it back into my diet.

Apparently fish is good too, (I don't eat that shit) and some of the fats in egg yolks, and coconut oil.

maybe also linseed (flax) and walnut oils, which have relatively large amounts of the ALA essential fatty acid. But we need DHA and EPA as well, and we have a very limited capacity to self produce these. We can produce them in a limited way if we have enough ALA

I am not trying to give you any authoritative recommendations here, rather make you aware of the fact that your diet holds the key to your mental health.

I am not the person to write that post, although if people want it we will see.
I will do a post at some point, about making marijuana infused extra virgin olive oil, which is less virgin after spending some time in my company.

I do have a heap of service posts in me, when I think about it.

lol

Maybe I should post this thing as a series. There's 5296 words already, but not all of that is this post.
Edit, now that I have got it down to the actual post, it's more than 3000 already.
I have started trying to get into the habit of writing my comments in ghostwriter and copy pasting too, just like I do for my posts.

but I started writing this post because several comments dealt with suicide related themes. So some of that shit is part of this post no doubt.
I'm going to stand up, grab my camera, and go out into the sunshine, after taking most of my clothes off, and have a few minutes in the sun with the dogs, and then I'll come back and clean this up and post as part one of my suicide prevention series, and general hack your head course, for those that want a better head to work with.

(edit, it's now dark out there and still I sit here editing)

Believe me I only mean better, not repaired or whatever term you want to use. Cured I suppose silly people would say.

You will be cured until you go back to your old ways, and then you will relapse.

One of the two psychiatrists that I mentioned before told the story of a patient presenting with paranoid schizophrenia that was so severe she was again being institutionalised, and had restraining orders in effect, put there by her own family.

The woman was put onto a zero gluten diet, and was quickly transformed into a normal functioning person, and got her life back on track, until she ate a biscuit.

I shit you not, that's the story that the medical doctor, in capacity as an expert witness, tells in the documentary.
The woman was institutionalised again apparently.

I could investigate further in the future.

but all you need to know is that this shit is actually the key
Food is drugs, alcohol is drugs, and drugs is drugs.

you need to be very careful which drugs you apply to your brain and your body
If you are living in a headspace you are not satisfied with, you are applying the wrong drugs.
If you are living a normal sanctioned American-class first world lifestyle, wherever you live, you are applying the wrong drugs.

listen to me.
or not, but if you won't, don't also post about having impossible migraines that the doctor can't fix as well as boxes of donuts and pizzas and coke and chips for dinner every day.

you are what you eat
I look like a bean sprout now.

lol

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Part two to follow, and probably part three too.
All photos in this post are mine, and most are from Ibiza in Spain, from an exhibition I was part of in 2012

Thanks for reading, if indeed anybody got this far

If anyone would like to see an extensive, although unfortunately by no means complete, collection of SpaiNgaroo artworks, they can visit my main domain

There is some work for sale at Saatchi online gallery
and a Redbubble print on demand shop
and a fabric and wallpaper shop on Spoonflower too although many of the designs are still not available for sale.
sorry

Blame it on the sunshine,
blame it on the moonlight,
blame it on the good times,
now blame it on the steemit.

video bicho hmmm... sometimes
don't really use twitter, but robots do
the facialbook, if you must

Well, as usual thank you for coming by anyone who is reading these words, and don't be afraid to show your appreciation, or criticise the hell out of me.

if you would like to help us survive send

bitcoins

to
37R8CJBsizPvThmDzu7GT24zZ6DYv9C2Gq

dogecoins

to
DFy5VD4ohEntW6nc84Dfh2SwdELDiepnZK

all the steem you think we should have to @spaingaroo

ask about buying my artwork for steem

whatever you think is a fair thing.

lol

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lol

maybe this is common place,
tomorrow.
remember where you saw it first.
The blockchain doesn't lie
images by @spaingaroo, artwork by @spaingaroo, incredible chewy goodness by @spaingaroo