“People always think that a suicide is committed for one reason. But it is perfectly possible to commit a suicide for two reasons.”

Albert Camus, Notebooks, 1942-1951

you are lucky enough to be starting on the great adventure that is part two of my suicide and mental health post series. I decided to at least cut it into blocks, cause it was all one post at first.

There will be more.

So I talked about food and diet a little in the first post.
just touching on a really big topic.
Not meant to be the definitive work on the subject that's for sure.

If you want a more detailed post about that, you are going to have to ask me to post that, cause otherwise, I will leave you to wander down that rabbit hole yourself.

I am going to add here again, a couple of things;

first

disclaimer

I am not a medical professional, I am not a medical authority, except in my own head.
I was certainly capable of becoming one, but I rejected their death cult outright.
so do not take anything I say seriously, except in so far as to follow your instincts, and go down those rabbit holes for yourself.

and I would like to point out that most medical doctors have zero training (and most have zero interest) in food and diet.

This is why I implore you to also reject their information, unless it matches up to your own common sense and deep investigations.

and second

We are all different, what works for one person may not work for another, and vice versa

None of these ideas are guaranteed, as, in the end not even our lives are guaranteed.
I might be able to help you see a way out of the mental bind that you have set up for yourself, and get you to the point where you are jumping out of bed in the morning, ready to rock the world, only to have you jump in front of a bus, and it's game over for you.
"No-one here gets out alive", that much we do know. Jim Morrison was kind enough to voice that and then show us how true it is.
(and yes I am aware that it's not the only possible story)

More the thing is getting to live while you are here.

"Everyone dies, but not everyone really lives"

Internet cliche, but oh so true

onwards ever onwards

so where are we going from here?
I posted yesterday about food, because it is one of the most basic steps to get real results fast.
the next is related really, as it's literally a deficiency problem.

I am referring to Vitamin D and sunlight.

As it well known that a prolonged lack of sunlight causes depression or depression like symptoms, so it shouldn't be too surprising to hear the same idea expressed in the following manner.

Sunlight makes us feel better.

But many people in the west have become averse to the sun.
Extreme foolishness.
The sun is our father and our source.
All the energy we have, everything we are comes from the sun.

Don't get me wrong, I know we can get too much sun, but we can also (and now far more commonly) get too little.
One of the worst things about steemit for me has been the lack of outdoors.
Outdoors doesn't have internet, and discord and screens (I don't consider the phone here, although I do have one, I leave it at home always)
There are people who don't have a choice in the matter, people do live in places where there is a night-time that lasts six months.

other people live in cold and grey places with no sunny days for weeks at a time.

If you are unfortunate enough to live in such a place I urge you to leave. haha
Or whatever, but you might look into some sort of bright light replacement therapy, as well as supplementation with Vitamin D

Light and sun on the skin is vital to happiness.
You need to go out into the sun everyday and take all your clothes off.
At least as much as you can get away with under your current circumstances.

Now
Don't get me wrong, I love the dark, and am more at home in the dark than the light.
I have worked shift work almost always and I normally work right through the night, as a normal habit.
Lately I have done my main outing in the very late night, or the very early mornings, if you prefer.
I am going to talk about the night soon here too.

But let us just establish that it is vital to allow yourself to receive the sun's rays directly on some exposed skin, on a daily basis if that is at all possible.
It is also important to receive sunlight on our retinas, not shielded by sunglasses or window glass always.

I don't really recommend staring straight at the sun, (I used to do that, but you should not) but we should spend some amount of time out in the daylight.

So let me get back to the night.

the night holds one of the keys.

I will probably have to come around to my point bit by bit.

Most suicides spring, imho, from a type of isolation.
I hesitate to use to word selfishness, because I truly believe it almost never really applies.
But I prefer the image of isolation.
The person becomes cut off from the sense of belonging.
When we get to the point where we are contemplating taking our own life, I believe we are believing that others could be better off without us.
Or perhaps feel certain that they would be.
After all, if we feel like an outsider and often we might feel fraudulent.
Feel the imposter syndrome.
Feel that nobody cares.
Feel the burn!

I remember in my first days on steemit, finding some bot-room on discord, where the bots would respond to requests for wisdom.

I asked three times for the bots to lay wisdom down upon me, and had to stop, not only to note all three things down, but also to take in what had just happened.

The first two, I am going to have to go and look in my notebook to see what they were, but the third one is still right in the front of my head.

"Someone sees, someone cares, you are in someone's prayers"
No author cited. I am going to ask google. Google seems to think it should be "Someone remembers, Somebody cares, Your name is whispered in Someone's prayers" Not sure what to think. I like the bot wisdom more I think.

Because the other two pieces of wisdom were cited, one, I remember was from Richard Bach, of Jonathan Livingstone Seagull fame, and the other author was also known to me.

So back to my hypothesis. We get to the point of feeling like ending it all, because we get to point of feeling complete isolation from the world, and it's people.
Our people.

Some people
when they hear
your story
contract
others
upon hearing
your story
expand
and
this is how
you
know

Nayyirah Waheed, perhaps the most famous poet on Instagram

I admit, I am not dealing with all types of suicidal or depressive and damaging thought, just a particular brand, my brand.

If other people can identify with it, well and good.

But suicide is being considered because there seems no alternative more attractive.
We may have burned our bridges, we may have thrown away love on offer, we may have done an enormous wrong.
We may have done enormous amounts of damage.
Enormous amounts of damage may have been done to us, by ourselves and others.
We may feel like there is no way to repair any of that damage.

I have heard pain, physical pain being offered too as a reason to consider suicide, and that seems as good a reason as any.
But for me that does move onto the other type of 'suicide', those deaths that a more enlightened person may call mercy killings.
The second video that I linked yesterday, probably bears repeating here.
It's from the Opie and Anthony show, and features (newly discovered for me, shout out to @r0nd0n) stand-up comedian Doug Stanhope talking about his mothers death by voluntary decision, on a predetermined date and in a festive spirit.
A powerful image to be sure.

[source](

)

I have no group of children who can do this for me, once I am old and feeble and unable to organise my departure.
I would hope to have someone brave enough to do the necessary for me, although I doubt that I would wish to neither hurry nor delay the dying process.

but it's easy to say that from here.

I do know chronic pain, (as usual I say, ask for the story of that) but I know the joy of life too.
Even through the pain, I have a body that works remarkably well, and although it has had it's shortcomings, it has taken all the abuse I have thrown at it and kept on rockin'

We go back to an addiction to real food which I am sure is most of that.
I am lucky to have had that addiction from way back, and I haven't ever gotten enough enjoyment out of junk food to stay there.
And I can go a few hours without shoving something into my face.
get off the sugar engine and get onto fat burning, and then you won't have the same problems.
That is a post in itself

But anyway, there is a world of difference between mercy killings at the end of natural life, and people cutting their lives off early, because they can't do it no more.

Oh how I ramble on, and no wonder you have all forsaken my blog.

But I am here for the fabled reader, and maybe just one person stumbles across this and reading all these words keeps them here just that one little extra bit longer, and they decide to stay one more day and there is the gap and the light shines in.

Leonard Cohen sings

"There's a crack, a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

So we were at the point of talking about the next of my mind hack ideas, what I have been doing to try and get a new ability to go on in the midst of a life that has fallen apart.

“If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them.
The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.
But those that will not break it kills.
It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.
If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.”
Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms source and interesting blog post

We don't go on because we are brave, we go on because we are not finished.
And we go on until we don't any more.
Until we can't.
I talked about Camus in post number one, and his influence in my self image and my ideas of life and death, although I was ignorant of his work.
Almost completely ignorant of his work.
I had my misquoted quote, scribbled down one day and set to memory.

And twenty years later I find out more parts of that story.

I would not have learned that if I had decided to end my own personal story at any one of its flashpoints so far.

So deciding to go out voluntarily while there is still more to learn, might well be the only cosmic crime.
Nah, that's not right either.
There are plenty of cosmic crimes and we are all participating in them.
But why go out before we see what tomorrow actually brings?

I talk about the ongoing collapse of civilisation often, and have found plenty of people, especially from the generation before mine, who say "It doesn't matter! I'll be dead before that happens"

First thing I shoot back is "what the fuck!" and then "so what!"
and then I think, but usually refrain from voicing is "You gutless turd"

One of my favourite quotes, which I have pulled out more times, is from Thomas Payne, according to the internet, although I had attributed it in my head as being from Guy MacPherson

"One day soon we'll all be sitting down to a banquet of consequences"

And why would you want to miss a front row seat to that show.
I wouldn't miss it for quids, as my dear ol' dad would say.

It helps to have a sense of perspective, which I think is often missing in our midst today.
We are so used to having all we want and more, that we do not appreciate what we have.
If you are, like me, sitting in a house in one of the 'Western' countries, and you have eaten and you have a connection to the internet and a device connected that you are reading these words on, then you are well ahead of most of the worlds people.

And the reason you are feeling so blue, is probably biochemical in nature anyway, as I have been trying to make the point in this post and the previous post.

You do not need to kill yourself most likely.
You probably don't have Seppuku qualities either.

Your honour will not be restored, and you have probably already noticed how the act of takings one's life makes you more the Rodney Dangerfield of the place.
You won't get no respect.

Most people won't go there.
Most people won't read your suicide note if you leave one.
Most people will probably see it as somehow shameful more than anything, and if they are close to you they will also feel hurt and confused and will almost certainly not connect with whatever you thought you were teaching them by your act.
And if they were not so close, they will quite possibly push every part of your memory out of their minds and soon enough you will cease to exist, or ever have existed for them.

And most people would be right most of the time.
Your reasons for deciding to go ahead with the act of taking your own life ahead of time, are probably pretty poor.
Seen in the cold hard light of day.

Try being grateful instead

Just try it on for size.

Since most of our thinking these days is not up to scratch, I am going to ask you to stop.
Make an effort, and be willing to be uncomfortable.
Stop and really stand back a minute from your self-centred tiny world, and try to look at your life and your problem from another's perspective.

Imagine what a poor mother of a starving child in some African dust-bowl would say to your description of your personal life hell?
Is your problem really up to scratch?
Or are you being a spoiled brat?
Is that how you want to go out?
being a spoiled brat?
surely not, even those of you who are literally spoiled brats.
there is no medal for not ranking, and there is no medal for being gutless.
This life shit is hard, and you gotta be hard to do it.
surely, if you can do steemit, you can do life.

I say all this as much to myself, as to any of you.

And although it seems to be labouring the point, night time holds one of the keys.
Go out into the night, go somewhere where it is dark.

(if you live in a city, well... try and find at least some dark place, or pretend.)
Look up at that cosmic lightshow.
See those stars up there?
Think they care?

Realise how insignificant you are.
Trust me it helps.
I really think it brings us into perspective, into alignment.

Maybe it is not our own insignificance that is important.
Maybe in your particular case you need to contemplate how insignificant your rival is.
Or the lover that has spurned you.
or the family that abused you
or abandoned you
or the criminal that has stolen all you have.
or the government which has steamrolled you.
or the steemit that has taken your life and liberty on a promise of mere free money

whatever it is, it is truly meaningless, in the grand scheme of things.
you came from nothing and you are going back there.

[Alan watts discussing nothing on youtube](

)

try forgiving

"Earth is forgiveness school"
"We don't forgive because the other person deserves forgiveness, rather we forgive because we deserve peace"

take the full ride, don't jump off halfway through.

unless you really wanna, in which case go right ahead.
I am not here to stop you.

But make sure you are not being a gutless wimp first.
If doing what you need to do is braver than not doing it, well, who am I to stand in your way.

Go right ahead, but don't forget to be kind and thoughtful in your final act.
Don't cause more reverberating trauma than your loss will already cause those people who have risked their emotions on caring for your sorry arse.
And I am yet to really meet someone whom truly nobody cared about.

No matter how much of a freak and a failure you may think you are.

this'll have to do for part two, another three thousand plus words.
look for part three soon, where I talk about some resources available to all with a connection to the internet.

"you would care a lot less about what people think about you if you realised how seldom they do it."

Robin Williams and Louis CK video from Louis.

[source](

)

I am sure there is a suicide prevention hotline in your area.
Google is your friend there.

I have nothing against suicide, but it is usually wimping out imho.
You have zero idea what tomorrow will bring.

cheers, and hold on at least as long as it takes me to post part three

All photos are my own creation, all videos are not my work, linked to their sources on youtube

Thanks for reading, if indeed anybody got this far

If anyone would like to see an extensive, although unfortunately by no means complete, collection of SpaiNgaroo artworks, they can visit my main domain

There is some work for sale at Saatchi online gallery
and a Redbubble print on demand shop
and a fabric and wallpaper shop on Spoonflower too although many of the designs are still not available for sale.
sorry

Blame it on the sunshine,
blame it on the moonlight,
blame it on the good times,
now blame it on the steemit.

video bicho hmmm... sometimes
don't really use twitter, but robots do
the facialbook, if you must

Well, as usual thank you for coming by anyone who is reading these words, and don't be afraid to show your appreciation, or criticise the hell out of me.

if you would like to help us survive send

bitcoins

to
37R8CJBsizPvThmDzu7GT24zZ6DYv9C2Gq

dogecoins

to
DFy5VD4ohEntW6nc84Dfh2SwdELDiepnZK

all the steem you think we should have to @spaingaroo

ask about buying my artwork for steem

whatever you think is a fair thing.

lol

---

---

---

.
.
.
lol

maybe this is common place,
tomorrow.
remember where you saw it first.
The blockchain doesn't lie
images by @spaingaroo, artwork by @spaingaroo, incredible chewy goodness by @spaingaroo