I wrote about my personal transformation in part one, now I will share with you the lessons I learned from it – why in the end I think I am better for it, as well as the takeaway messages that I got from this rocky experience that helped me become a more successful person as a result, providing me with new strategies to deal with my everyday struggles.

If you have not read Part 1, you can find it here: How gaining a lot of weight pushed me towards becoming a better person - An ongoing personal transformation and self-discovery journey

Lessons I learned:

Isolating yourself only makes things worse.

When your mind has been invaded by a plethora of negative and self-loathing thoughts playing in a loop 24/7, the worst you can do is spending a lot of time listening to it by being by yourself all the time. Furthermore, almost all of my binges happened when I was alone.

When I was with others, I was distracted from my obsessive thoughts by being engaged in conversation, or watching a film at the movie theater with a friend, attending an art exhibition or a music gig, doing sports, etc. Additionally, in spite of my chubby figure, I hated the thought of people looking at me like someone who had no control over her eating habits, so even when food was available (somebody bringing cake and cookies to the office, or having free food around during a conference) I would refrain from eating more than a reasonable portion. I would “police” myself when I was around other people, which is not an ideal state of mind to have, but in the beginning it also helps.

The support of friends and loved ones is really important. Having someone who cares spending quality time with you, making you laugh or just catching up will lift your mood and make things less difficult for you to stay on track.  

Empathy for other people’s struggles.

If you asked me ten years ago about my opinion on people who are overweight of fat, I would have probably told you that the problem with these people was that they were lazy, had no self-respect, no discipline and were too weak to make use of their will power to improve their situation (yes, I was that judgmental). 

Now that I have been on the other side, I can see that things are not that simple! It is true that some people carry a few extra kilos because they are careless and slightly hedonistic, but I got to know firsthand that sometimes the excess weight comes as a result of some factor in their lives that is disturbing their well-being: stress, grief, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, even ignorance about basic nutrition or bad eating habits that have been ingrained in them since childhood. 

Psychologically speaking, I learned that it is very hard to not like yourself and feel self-conscious all the time; to go getting an ice cream cone or a gooey, sticky dessert and feeling like people are silently judging you (even if that is completely in your head). It is very discouraging to see others indulging while you have to limit yourself, and your body still looks much worse than their “normal” slim bodies that they seem to effortlessly maintain. To walk down the street looking at people and feeling like almost everyone has a better body than you do. Motivation and drive are sometimes very difficult to maintain.

Regardless, you have to push yourself through these bad times and all the discomfort and frustration in order to get to the next step, there’s no way around it!

Learn to identify which situations make you more vulnerable (and avoid them).

After some self-examination I realized that many times I was eating out of boredom or because of anxiety to distract me from a task that I didn’t want to perform (or that I dreaded for some reason).  Therefore, I started making an effort to try and get myself out of those situations as much as possible.

Example: I tried not to stay at home the entire time after coming back from work, since I knew that was when I felt the most tempted to just crash on the couch eating an entire pint of ice cream and junk food that would leave me feeling gross and unproductive; instead I would go straight to the gym and work out there, then do some stretching and finally spend some time in the sauna to relax (yes, the gym I went to had a sauna and it was awesome). Nowadays, I spend my evenings training martial arts, which is a double win since I not only get a great workout in, but I also socialize with my training partners, which contributes to my overall sense of well-being. 

Banishing junk food from your home or avoiding buying food you know you are likely to binge on are also effective ways to reduce temptation and make it more difficult for you to make bad choices based on impulse.

Remove the temptation from home.

You can also start a little personal project that you feel excited about and keeps you busy on your down time. For example, whenever I am writing articles for Steemit I am absorbed in the task, and my mind is engaged in something other than thinking about what I could be snaking on at the moment.

In the case of anxiety eating, I must admit I still struggle a lot with it. It is like my brain is not completely back to normal in this case. I do know that the way to avoid it is to face the task that you are dreading, take action and just do it to get it out of the way (and your mind), but it is certainly easier said than done!  

Setting a goal helps you pushing through bad times and staying consistent.

I spent the last couple of years after my sudden weight gain mostly yo-yo ing the same 5-7 kg. However, I noticed that the periods when I consistently lost weight were those when I had a clear goal (and a deadline).

For example, I signed up for a 10 Km race, so I had to train consistently and eat well for about 8-10 weeks in order to do well. Another more embarrassing example: I had set up a date with a guy I met online whom I really wanted to impress, and since our schedules clashed, the date for our first meeting in person had to be put off by about three weeks – you can bet I made use of all my ninja discipline to slim down as much as I could in that time.

Even more recently, I went from 64 kg down to 60 kg in a couple of months because I signed up for a competition that required a certain weight limit for me to participate (you can read about it here); therefore, if I didn’t lose the weight I would have not been able to fight (you get disqualified if you miss weight).

Having a clear goal gives you the drive to consistently work towards an objective, instead of being stuck in a nebulous limbo of “wanting to get better” for an indefinite amount of time. By having a deadline, you have the pressure to deliver a good result, giving you something to look forward to. Find something you feel excited about and go for it!

Getting some instruction from Pedro Duarte (fourth degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu), during our last summer camp.

Focus on what your body can DO, not so much on what you look like!

This was a real game changer for me. From my previous post Martial arts are my meditation

“[…]my approach to fitness had become rather shallow and mechanical: burn calories, look better. It is no surprise that with such hollow approach, even though I forced myself to work out regularly out of pure will power, I felt unfulfilled and exercising often felt like a chore.  

[…] one tiny event changed my life forever: watching Bruce Lee’s iconic film Enter the Dragon. I was equally fascinated with Bruce Lee’s philosophical approach to martial arts as well as his superhuman physical prowess. I started learning more and more about his life and training, and finally I read the book that completely changed my outlook on the way I approached physical activity: The Art of Expressing the Human Body.

I was no stranger to Martial Arts, having practiced Taekowndo for five years almost to a Black Belt level. I wanted to recover that feeling of marvel at my own physical prowess, that sense of mastery over my own body. This marked my return to my sport of choice: Martial Arts. For over a year now, I have been practicing Muay Thai and Savate –where my Taekowndo kicks proved to be a most valuable weapon– along with Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.  I train six days a week, and every time I look forward to it!” 

There is so much that you can work on: balance, agility, flexibility, endurance, strength, coordination… it is really fascinating and absorbing to learn how much you can do to optimize your athletic performance; this realization gave me a bout of motivation to constantly improve myself and keep working on expanding my body’s capabilities, step by step. This mind set has taken me much further in my fitness progress than my previous superficial view.  

Embrace the fact that you don’t have to be perfect, lose your vanity.

I think one of the biggest benefits that I gained from this whole ordeal is that I lost a great deal of my vanity; I spent so much time feeling unattractive that it just got killed and afterwards never came back!

Looking back, I think a large part of my confidence was dependent on the way I looked. After my looks were radically altered, though, I had no option but to learn to build confidence based on who I am as a person, regardless of my outwards appearance. I learned that things like being a great listener, an enthusiastic conversation partner and a supportive team mate are much more important than having the most fashionable outfit in the room or the perfect make up. If you work on polishing your personal qualities, you will see that people react to your presence in a very positive and engaged way. A little fat roll won't detract from your value as a person.

I used to be one of those selfie-obsessed people and now that is gone as well. Now I prefer to just focus on my surroundings and enjoy the experience, instead of being adamant to show myself off to everyone else so they can see what an amazing time I am (not) having.

Finding confident role models that you can relate to can help you to stay positive during your quest for self-improvement.

I used to roll my eyes at the notion of “diversity” in many body positive campaigns but now I see there is some truth to it. Having role models that are fit and healthy but also similar to your own size helps with your perception of yourself.

All those Instagram fitness models with their six packs and super thin but toned legs and arms made me feel inadequate and like I was light-years away from looking fit. If what you look up to is something that feels so distant and unattainable, it can also feel like is not even worth trying. Instead, looking at someone who has a similar body type (or is in a similar stage of their fitness journey as you) can give you a much more relatable feeling of what you can achieve if you stick to your goals; witnessing other people’s struggles can help you to avoid feeling like a failure, while at the same time motivate you to stay on track.

In my case, I found a lot of inspiration in Mackenzie Dern and Demi Lovato, two incredibly accomplished women who share my love for martial arts and also have a body type more similar to mine. It was also somehow reassuring seeing that many people considered them really beautiful and sexy, which in turn made me feel a lot more at ease about myself – instead of feeling like an unattractive ball of pudge just because I didn’t fit the extreme “super fit and ripped” standard.

But beyond the looks, these ladies also provided an inspiration for some traits that I had left aside during my hard times: they are strong, confident, eager to take on challenges and improve themselves constantly; they seem to be enjoying their lives to the max without getting mortified about not looking like a store mannequin. They embrace themselves fully and irradiate confidence, feeling at ease in their own skin, not letting themselves be disturbed by petty insecurities. I mean, look at those smiles! 

Mackenzie Dern, multi world champion in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and owner of the shiniest smile and most sunny disposition in the sport!

Demi Lovato looking fierce and ready to kick your butt (but not before she steals your heart with that sexy and confident stare).

Those are the main points that helped me to change my frame of mind towards a more positive one, that allowed me not only to better myself, but to feel fulfilled and motivated during the process. 

Let me know if you find them useful, also I would be very interested in knowing what works better for you! Share with us in the comment section (I always reply!).

Cheers,

Irime

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Image sources: Pixabay, the rest are my own. The Mackenzie Dern photo comes from War Tribe Gear; the Demi Lovato shots from Fabletics.