Finding Redemption 6 : A #Weekendfreewrite.
Finding Redemption 1
Finding Redemption 2
Finding Redemption 3
Finding Redemption 4
Finding Redemption 5
Source
I will rather stay mute there.
He finally came out and the whole congregation went berserk, everyone wants to have a picture, a glance, possibly say there prayer as it is believed to be the one true god. Stampede have been a characteristic of this type before till the government wave in on the mass death accompanying him, security and barricading every place. He enjoyed the holiness mantra too.
The advert by the wall at the entrance of the stadium have a small description for anyone who would wish to join the league of his faith, The Children Of The Source they called themselves, with pictures of how they live in simplicity and harmony, learning at the feet of the master too.
This wasn't all, they showed the environment they were living in, serene and heavenly if you ask me.
So I didn't give it a second thought when I gave in to them, filled the application form and expect my next deployment for campuses abounds all around.
I was contacted in few days and my joy knew no bound, packed my bag and and left for a life changing mission. I was greatly welcome by the host of other children, though the ones in upper class never seems to bother. Twenty-six years down the line now am still here, the training runs for a year though, but few days into our Final graduation 🎓 I went strolling, though under the influence of alcohol which is greatly forbidden in the Holy ground. But being a final day before our entrance into the line of the Source, we were ready to take our chances.
The day came and I was wandering all about the rooms, then heard screaming, a little bit moaning and groaning, with the shadow of a grown up man driving through a small lady, I had a peep by the crack of the window, and there lies the most holy man of all digging deep into the honey pot of an underage.
I was caught and threatened, with my family life in danger I was made to stay in the camp and never talk, they wouldn't allow me step out either but have me drugged to a coma and woke up to be an imbecile.
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As always, a strong statement of what can happen in a cult. But you are expecting the reader to believe that you are an imbecile and still can write the account of the happenings. Maybe make it a threat if you are discovered writing this or something like that...
I have to read this like three times and go through the story again to grasp what you're saying ma'am.
He was an imbecile but he gave me his story while I wrote it down in first person experience format the same way he dictated it.
I don't seems to understand this at all.
Okay. The way I was reading your story is that the person is telling the story that observed the cult leader and was captured. You are ending the story that he was drugged and came out of a coma having lost his mind
An imbecile is not going to be able to write a coherent story like the one we just read. So, the reader is asked to either believe that the imbecile person was able to write this story or one must assume that the last sentence is not true. Does that make sense?
In my opinion, you want to show how dangerous the cult is and that this treatment is a possibility. There would be different ways to show that.
You could have a shift that a narrator steps in and says that the found this hidden somewhere and that the author is an imbecile now -
or, like I said that the storyteller expresses fear that this will happen to him - or that he has it seen happening to someone.
Make us feel the danger of the situation while we still can believe the story.
Hope that makes sense...
It makes sense a lot, I think I'll have to take congnizance of how I write from now on. Editing and re-editing it.
Thanks a lot.
no worries. It is a freewrite and as such, it is okay to switch perspectives and such. but I know that you are working on your writing - so, I thought to give you something to consider :)
This will be burnt into the blockchain forever and ever... Hope that you won't be caught again... 😅
Thank you for freewriting with us! I am here to deliver prompt:- Day339 : 5 Minute Freewrite: Sunday - Prompt: the four corners.
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