Arming For Adventure, or: "Why Would I Want One of Those?" - Basic Equipment in D&D, Part 4

Encumbrance is probably the single most hated and ignored rule in all of Dungeons & Dragons history (although 'keeping track of literally every material spell component' gives Encumbrance a run for its money). I've never met a player who enjoyed all the bookkeeping necessary to ensure encumbrance compliance, although I have met my fair share of DMs who take obscene delight in hosing the party on weight restrictions at critical moments. Encumbrance is the gaming equivalent of diagramming sentences in your English class: it does little more than waste time which could be spent doing literally anything else for a greater reward.

That said, as a Dungeon Master myself, while I hate Encumbrance, I am a member of the, "You didn't buy it? Then you don't have it!" club. This isn't (solely) because I want to be a dick to my players, it's because I want to spur them on to greater heights of creativity than even they thought possible. See also: schadenfreude. Some of my most memorable times around the gaming table have involved my PCs using seemingly unrelated mundane items to MacGyver their way out of difficult situations. With a little planning and some creativity, you can turn nearly anything in the Player's Handbook into a way out of a potential problem, so let's take a look at the basic Adventuring Gear table from page 150 and suss out some not-so-obvious uses for some not-so-obvious equipment.

In Part 3, we went from Druidic Focus to Hunting Trap, so today we're starting with...

Ink (1 ounce bottle)

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As befitting a setting where literacy is far from universal, the price of ink is enormous: 10 gold pieces for a bottle of the black stuff. Keep in mind that in D&D, ink is used by the upper-class almost exclusively: shopkeepers use it to keep their ledgers, wizards use it to inscribe spells, scribes use it to record history, and wealthy nobles use it to create notes which read like those cheesy "Do you like me? YES / NO (circle one)" types you passed around in grade school.

You can't just waltz down to the local office supply store and pick up a 24-pack of pens either: making ink is a time-consuming, not to mention filthy, process. According to my research, you can't just milk an octopus for it (and please, for everything that is holy, do not Google that phrase). So yeah, ink is too expensive and runny to waste drawing dicks on latrine walls.

On the other hand, when you need to blind somebody fast, indelibly mark something as belonging to you, or whip up a quick, quiet message when silence is required, there's nothing like ink. Splashing ink on someone is a great way to later identify them if need be. A little sleight-of-hand and you can dribble it into another liquid, maybe to disguise it as something else, or to discourage someone from drinking it. Or let the Barbarian amuse himself by drinking some so the next time he takes a piss, it's dark blue/black. Your call, really.

Ink Pen

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No, this isn't a Bic or Biro. It's a writing utensil that you dip into an ink vial that allows you to write with it. Compared to the cost of ink, these are remarkably cheap at only 2 copper apiece. If you buy ink, you'll need one of these to get it out of the bottle without breaking or splashing the contents everywhere. If you want to map effectively, write letters, or do anything else involving putting words on paper, you'll want to invest in a few of these--their inexpensive cost does not point towards a high longevity.

While these are meant specifically for ink, I see no reason why you couldn't dip them in any other colored liquid, like dye, and use them to write as well. You could also use them as cheap ways to test for acid or other corrosive substances instead of risking digestive tract hemorrhage or external scarring from unknown liquids.

They're also completely unremarkable and unlikely to be confiscated as weapons by even the most paranoid societies, so if you can coat one or more with a contact poison (perhaps mixed/disguised within your ink vial?), they could make nasty, unnoticed pieces of gear for a would-be assassin.

Jug or Pitcher

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You're most likely to find these 2 copper piece deals in every adventurer's favorite place: the local tavern. At four pounds when empty, they're made to take some punishment and keep on working. You can lug a gallon's worth of liquid around in a jug with its own cork or cap, and same with a pitcher, but pitchers don't have lids and thus lend themselves to more rapid dispersal of liquid.

Jugs are good for carrying a backup supply of water or your choice of cheap alcohols, while pitchers are for serving multiple people. Nefarious sorts can doubtless think of all kinds of other liquids (urine, diarrhea, etc...) or substances (brown mold, green slime, etc...) which might be stuffed into a jug to be later hurled into combat for a nasty surprise. And if you've dragged along your barrel of holy water, having a few pitchers to dip into it for splashing/dumping on zombies, vampires, devils, and other fiends/undead seems like a match made in one of the Seven Heavens.

Ladder (10 foot)

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Bulky, conspicuous, and heavy, a 10-foot ladder weighs 25 pounds and will set you back a single silver...but have you seen the sort of physics-and-common-sense-defying nonsense people pull off given enough ladders and negative intelligence modifiers?

Ladders can be laid across short gaps to allow for easy crossings, propped against walls or buildings to access a second story, give a boost up to high-hanging tree limbs, or left laying around carelessly as tripping hazards. Despite their weight, they're made of wood and thus will float, offering something to hang on to in a shipwreck situation. You can break/chop them up for kindling if you really need a fire, or tie a blanket around one and use it as a stretcher to transport the injured (or with the help of a couple more ropes and strong PCs, as a way to lower small PCs and/or equipment down a hole). Lay two on the ground, side by side but staggered, to create a makeshift agility course.

Leave them leaning against walls to spook superstitious sorts. Have the whole party grab hold of one and run at an enemy group to knock them all down. Affix a torch to the tip and raise it high in the air as a signal. Coat it with metal and extend the reach of your Shocking Grasp spell. Chop one in half to create two five-foot ladders--easier to carry and fine for when you just need a short step up. Commission a carpenter to create a single massive ladder (60' or so), break it up into separate pieces, then use Mending to put together only the parts you need for a specific situation (re-break afterwards so you can do this again).

Lamp, Bullseye Lantern, and Hooded Lantern

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I'm lumping all three of these together because they all serve roughly the same function: to provide six hours' worth of light for one flask of oil. The only difference is how that light is provided.

• A lamp is a simple oil lamp, meant to be stationed somewhere and not moved around, like a desk or a table. It gives off bright light in a 15' radius, then dim light for a further 30' radius.

• A bullseye lantern is as close as one can get to a flashlight in Dungeons & Dragons. It provides bright light in a 60' cone, then dim light a further 60' beyond that. A bullseye lantern is meant to light the way in front of you.

• A hooded lantern gives off bright light in a 30' radius, and dim light for a further 30' radius. A hooded lantern is meant to light up your surroundings.

All of these provide more light than a standard torch, and burn for longer periods of time. In addition, they have have the advantage of not being open flames, and are not as prone to being easily extinguished by wind nor to setting their surroundings on fire. With a simple means of covering and uncovering the aperture, a bullseye lantern can be used to send signals out beyond vocal range (say, from ship to shore).

As with any light source, using these will give your presence away to anyone within sight, but that doesn't mean you couldn't use one or more to set up ambushes: light one in a clearing, hide behind nearby rocks or trees, and see if anything investigates. The cone of bright light from a bullseye lantern could be used to 'light blind' an adversary as well--while this won't actually blind them, it could make it difficult for them to identify the person using the lantern.

Lamps and lanterns are more expensive and cumbersome than torches, especially since you have to buy not just the item but also the flasks of oil, but their ability to shed brighter and/or more directed light is important, especially for those poor unfortunate souls who lack darkvision, more than make up for this downside.

Lock

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And what do we use locks for, class?

As provided in the PHB, this is a simple lock which comes with its own key. Using a lock allows you to secure a chest, closet, door, or some other container against casual inspection, although someone proficient with thieves' tools can try to pick it with a DC 15 Dexterity check. That's what you get for your ten gold pieces; higher-quality (and thus, harder to pick) locks may be available at higher costs.

Most people think of locks as things to be used defensively: you put a lock on a door to keep you secure at night, or affix one to a chest to foil amateur attempts at thievery, but consider the mayhem possible if you use locks offensively instead? Imagine locking doors behind you to prevent undesirables from flanking while you explore, locking up cabinets to deny other owners access to their own materials, etc... A simple lock on the door to the goblins' supply room could prevent them from arming themselves in response to your party's incursion. Lock the enemy guards in their barracks. Secure prisoners with lengths of locked chain. Lock down a portcullis or gateway to deny quick access by reinforcements. Given enough ingenuity, a simple lock can not only solve your problems, but complicate matters for your enemies long enough that you can make an escape. One closed room + one Stinking Cloud spell + one locked door = a bunch of completely miserable victims.

Locks are custom-made for foiling your DM's carefully-laid plans. Do so at every opportunity and you'll drive him into fits of hysterics. Make sure you stock up on acid vials so he can't use your own tactics against you.

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That will do it for today's installment of "Arming For Adventure", but check back next time as I continue down the chart, offering up more offbeat uses for everyday items. Thanks for reading, and leave your own suggestions or stories of unique, insane, silly, and awesome uses for mundane gear in the comments down below.

May all your hits be crits!