Haha, I fucked the whole damn lot of you and none of you saw it coming!

Pay attention you worthless plebs, I've something important to say.

For the last two and a half years, you've all been my bitches, and hardly any of you stupid, unwashed lot realised it did you? Back in June 2016, the peasants of the United Kingdom thought they could have a say. At the time, it was clear that there was a big divide in the country between the gobby Gammon-skinned filthy working class, mostly in the North, who were always barking on about jobs and immigration, and the whining self-loathing champagne socialists in London with their vomit inducing virtue signalling.

You had a vote, and there was a clear majority who voted to leave the EU..... for some reason they were upset about being anally raped by unelected foreign bureaucrats who wanted to turn the entire population into something resembling the cloned Taco waitresses from Cloud Atlas. It was the biggest vote in British electoral history, with 17.4 million of you bothering to stop jerking off for five minutes and drag your fat useless arses away from Coronation Street for long enough to go and create a majority for wanting to actually do something different.

To be honest, I was almost impressed in how that you gave that pig-fucking moonfaced childsnatcher David Cameron such a kick in the goolies after he spent £9 Million of your own money telling you the zombies would suck the marrow from your childrens disemboweled intestines if you didn't all do as you were told and put your X next to remain.

Wanker

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But of course, you can't trust you stupid Peons to do anything you're supposed to, and so there was a hasty meeting amongst the dark cabals that rule the world from behind the 9th dimension of Hell, and they realised there was only one thing for it.... They had to call me to sort you all out and bring you back to your rightful place of subservient serfdom, and make you pay for it in my own inimitable style, a political version of having your gonads removed with a rusty cheese grater, and dipped in a bag of white phosphorus.

And, if i may say so, I've fucking excelled myself!!!

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My friends at the social club

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Thanks to me, the whole of fucking Europe doesn't have a clue what's going on!!!!

And that's just the way it should be. I've managed single handedly to confuse the bloody lot of you into complete bewilderment, similar to how you'd feel the morning after a night out with that Ginger cunt Prince Harry, and a bag of Roofies.

Yes, you pathetic oiks have been utterly mind-raped by my clever little tricks:

• I created a deal that absolutely NOBODY wanted, regardless of which side of the argument they were one. This is because my deal could better be described as one where you basically all had to drop your trousers and get gang-banged up your brown starfishes by Guy Verhofstadt, Junker and that ugly fucking bucket-faced cockwomble Tusk.

EU attack-bastards

• I brilliantly managed to get what you all voted for taken off the table, by basically pulling the rug from under your feet and paying that weird little paedo (the one who's got fingers so stubby he couldn't even finish a bag of crisps) the Speaker of the house, John Bercow, to remove the default legal position of walk away and fuck the EU from the agenda...You know, the one you all thought you'd actually voted for.

17 Million to 1... my new gameshow

• I convinced that sadistic wank-splodger with the crazy high maintenance banshee wife, former PM Tony Blair to commit high treason by giving him an all expenses paid trip to Paris to go jerk off with Macron. One for the archives I think.

• I even beat that loathsome Brylcreem cunt Jacob Rees Mogg and his little band of whingy intellectuals who tried to remove me into a situation where they performed a political version of jamming sharp metal objects into their arms like angst ridden teenagers, and now they can't call a vote of no confidence in me again. What a result.

• I made that malnourished beardy communist cunt Corbyn look like a right wanker for not being able to come up with anything in opposition to me, because he didn't have a fucking clue what was going on....and then half his party fucked off and joined forces with Anna Soubry to end their political careers in ignominy....The funniest thing is, the only hope any of them now have of ever making any cash is if they prance around like that useless twat Ed Balls, having an aneurysm on Strictly Come Dancing.

fat useless cunt

And now I've pulled out my final play.

I've given the whole shit show over to Parliament, who considering they're mostly all banking on a nice job in Brussels when they finally get given the boot, are going to do everything they can to ensure Brexit never happens. They are going to spend the next 2 weeks arguing the toss like a bunch of pre-menstrual adolescents, and finally decide to cancel Brexit altogether, and then get lynched by the Darlington Football Lads when they storm the Houses of Parliament and nick all the lead off the roof.

Of course, by then, I'll be sunning myself in the Bahama's, with the shit ton of cash I had backhanded to me over two years ago by the European council to make this all just go away. Apparently they really can't do without us...they need the Welsh Guards to go in and kick the fuck out of a load of yellow-jacketed French peasants who are carrying on alarming in the streets of Paris.

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The long and short of it is this.

Haha....I screwed you all.

Remainers, Leavers, it doesn't matter who you are, you're all going to spend the next decade fighting a vicious civil war whilst I sit back and watch the fun. And all the while, the EU will continue to over-regulate every aspect of your very existence until you can't do anything except perform the 10 Minutes hate, sing the EU supra-national anthem everytime someone important farts, and give your entire lives in servitude for a daily handout of a bowl of minced up dead babies.

Now THAT'S what I call a show. I'm just laughing at the whole fucking lot of you!!!!

Who's yer daddy now, you dirty plebians?

Rt Hon. Theresa May
Prime Minister of Great Britain.