People of the UK rejoice. It's time for MY version of a proper socialist utopia...steemCreated with Sketch.

in funny •  2 months ago  (edited)

communism fantastic.png

Mandatory attendance at our vegan friendly re-education camps for gender binaries now a manifesto pledge

I am pleased and humbled to be here on the people's revolutionary socialist forum (Steem) to announce that the days of the evil capitalist empire of @theresa.may is finally coming to its worn-out knees.

The radical people's army is marching through the streets of London, waving their Kalergi flags, and bearing the arms of the liberated proletariat (the knife, sawnoff shotgun and squeezy bottles of corrosive face-melting substances...hasn't Sadiq done well?). We've even got people wrapped in ISIS flags in the capital, and I personally think it's a testament to our wonderful diversity movement.

man with isis flag in london.jpg
Showing how Jihadi's support family values

We've beaten Brexit


In a stunning twist, that capitalist dictator @theresa.may finally came to her senses last week and realised that she needed me, because the country is just filled with Nazis. 17.4 Million of them in fact voted to leave the European Union's Socialist Paradise. Who would have thought there were that many evil capitalist Jews in the country? They breed like rabbits you know. We really need to do something about them.

Anyway, the Prime Minister came to me and asked what she should do, because there were still enough MP's in parliament squealing about democracy to prevent us stopping Brexit altogether. Which is what the public really voted for, they've just been brainwashed by the Yids obviously. This is unheard of, the leader of the government, who doesn't have the support of her own cabinet subcontracting the biggest constitutional issue in hundreds of years to the leader of the opposition.

Naturally she took my sound advice, and pushed through a bill to basically ask the EU if it would be ok to pretty much ignore the Far Right extremists who all voted to leave by having a debate that lasted just three hours, then got it bang to rights through the Lords (full of my mates) the following day and with Royal Assent fifteen minutes later. Comrades, now THAT'S how to stage a coup without firing a single shot!

So, we are going to get to stay in the European Union, apparently for anything from a few months to permanently, and the best news is that Theresa will be gone in a week or so, at which point I'll become the Prime Minister, and we can get down to the proper business of turning Britain into a wonderful Socialist heaven, under my leadership.

It's actually quite a turn around really. It really wasn't that long ago that, my own party was trying to kick me out, saying I was too much of a marxist for them. But I showed them, all thanks to the fact that we've been insisting on making sure the national curriculum, and every professor and teacher in the UK is a card carrying Intersectionalist for the last 20 years. Kids soon grow up don't they, and if I had my way, I'd lower the voting age to 6....and also the age of consent too. I mean, if it was good enough for Mohammed right....?


MY NEW-COMMUNIST MANIFESTO


So today, I am pleased to announce my manifesto for the election. These are sensible policies which are primarily for the benefit of the many transgender non-binary oppressed citizens that make up the majority of the population of the country.

These include:


Workers Unite! Vote for me in the next election.

Obviously, if you don't support our inclusive policies, you will quickly be doxxed by Hope Not Hate and our young friends in Momentum, backed up of course by our loyal blackshirts from Antifa

It's so important now, more than ever, that we in Britain show the world how tolerant we are.... by being intolerant of anyone who doesn't want to see the end of oppressive cultural microaggressions, such as Christmas and the flying of the Union flag, and those awful Alt-right nationalists who think that everyone in England should be able to speak at least a few words of English.

scout parade.jpg
Just check out these vile fascists. Nazi scum!


IN MY NEXT BLOGS

In my upcoming writings, I will be talking about the great times I've had chatting with freedom fighters from the IRA, Hamas and Hezbollah, why Diane Abbott is the best person to draft legislation to teach children about maths, and a nice fireside chat with John McDonnell about his favourite passages from Mao's little red book.

Until then, please upvote and resteem this post so we can fund more NGO's who do exemplary work with Children

Toodles

Rt Hon. Jeremy Corbyn MP
Leader of the British Labour Party and member of the Privy Council

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Straight!

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The word "straight" is going to be added to the list of banned words and phrases. It implies that somehow non-binary people are somehow less than worms, and was the primary cause of World War 2. Don't you know anything about history?

I will be soon putting out a diktat on words which will be removed from common parlance. The simplification of language is necessary to ensure that people with learning difficulties do not feel offended. The new Collectivist-English dictionary in fact will only be 8 pages long.

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There's a movie which introduced that mandatory simplified language concept. You'd love it. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0435651/

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It seems to feature an oppressed woman behind a White Male. I don't think I would like this very much. Also, it suggests she is a "GIVER" which suggests he is a "TAKER" and this is very much in line with the sort of prejudice we are fighting. Let's send him to a camp anyway.

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He's the giver tho!

I can't wait for your socialist utopia @comrade.corbyn

How will you make sure that all the nasty capitalists give up their property and become good communists?

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There's quite some know-how in that wing if you look back.

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I'm not aware of any, can you give some pointers please?

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We will have our friends in Antifa go and pay the directors and the disgusting owners of businesses a visit at their homes. There will also be demonstrations outside their kids schools, because their children need to be educated as to why their parents are horrible pieces of shit.

We will also have the BBC get "evidence" from Hope Not Hate, and force all news channels to label them as "far right extremists" every ten minutes, until the entire population recognises them for what they are...a bunch of evil fascists, worse than that bloody @tommyrobinson.

They will soon learn that profit making off the back of the workers is not acceptable in Britain.

I will leave you the Downing Street Cat for when you move in. It will of course be dipped in a bag of Anthrax.

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You have no love and peace in your heart. I hope you die horribly.

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Please kindly leave politics and enjoy your life


Welcome to Steemit @comrade.corbyn!

I wish you much success and hope you find Steemit to be as rewarding and informative as I have.

Here are some links you might find useful.
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Oh yea, I have upvoted you and followed you. Many blessings!

Great to have you here in the anarchist utopia that is Steem comrade. You do need to quit the racism, but I support a lot of your principles.

Power to the people!

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Racism?(throw the jew down the well?)

When a Jewish comedian sings about other Jews, in a satircal way, it's hardly racism.
No different than milo taking the piss out of gay culture....Hardly a homophobe.

Sacha Baron Cohen is himself a Jew who is likely not an anti-Semite nor a racist nor a homophobe. He used the Borat character to force people to confront their own biases in unconventional ways.

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I realise this post is satire. The Jews have suffered centuries of persecution, but I know Corbyn (the real one) has issues with Israel. Even if a group has suffered persecution we should still be able to discuss their faults. Nobody is perfect. This is a deep topic I'm not going to dive into right now

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We will be bringing back the Protocols of the Elders of Zion as obligatory reading for 5-6 year olds. They need to know......

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Thanks for sharing this on Twitter mate :)

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I thought it was worth it.

Thanks for my #Seven77 reward!

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Rewards are a bourgeoisie plot, designed by Hebrews to keep everyone enslaved. What people really want is a pot of Socialist Worker vegan jam.

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Mmmm, jam

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It has just been noted that you are not a member of the inner party yet, and thus have not been cleared to use the word Jam.

The term "jam" can be used by musicians to insinuate "free playing" which, unless you have undergone a rigorous diversity training programme, could lead to accidentally riffing on capitalist keys, such as A flat minor, which as we all know is the relative minor of B major, which is a codeword used by right wing extremists to signal oppression of women. Please make sure you book yourself on a course as soon as possible.

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Mmmm, jazz

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Jazz is acceptable, as it's MOBO. Unless it's being played by a white male, in which case it's cultural appropriation, and therefore a hate crime.

You look white. Are you not guilty? Eh? You bloody should be.

Congratulations @comrade.corbyn! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

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Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

Welcome comrade.corbyn!
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We have Mobile application for Android and iOS users. We also have developed Surfer Desktop application that helps you to gain new followers and stay connected with your friends, unique features - notifications, bookmarks, favorites, drafts, and more.
We reward our users with encouragement upvotes as well as monthly giveaways rewarding Spotlight top users and active Discord users.
Learn more: https://esteem.app
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This seems like a Jewish plot to me. Your details have been filed under "UNDESIRABLES".

Welcome to Steem comrade.corbyn! Partiko is officially the fastest and most popular mobile app for Steem. Unlike other Steem apps, we take 0% cut of your earnings! You can also be rewarded with Partiko Points while using Partiko and exchange Partiko Points for upvotes!

Partiko for Android can be downloaded here on Google Play and the iOS version is available here on the App Store.

If you have more questions, feel free to join our Discord channel and ask @crypto.talk, we're always here to help!

Thank you so much for your interest!

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Popular is another word for populism, meaning Nazi hate speech. @partiko will no longer be tolerated in Britain under my leadership, as you are clearly all capitalist traitors to the working class.

Why isn't buying back our water in your manifesto Mr corbyn?

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We won't be buying anything. All the water is owned by hooknosed Jewish capitalists. We will just commandeer the water companies, and they will come under public ownership manned only by ex-coal miners who have undergone gender re-assignment surgery. What could possibly go wrong?

Hello @comrade.corbyn

Welcome to Steemit & Wish you luck - success with Steemit!

Currently, We're supporting for the Planktons by our small upvote. If you follow @haccolong you will get free upvote of 20 users. You may like it, Check statement here.

To get 3000points and receive additional rewards from your activities on Steemit, you can use Partiko app for your phone.

Please ignore this reply if you do not need the above.

Posted using Partiko Android

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I do not require rewards, nor does anyone else. The issuance of any form of reward, whether financial or otherwise to a non-inner party member will be deemed a capitalist bribe, and dealt with severely with the full force of the new laws we will enact.

Can’t wait to see JC in No.10

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Well, Downing Street is a capitalist symbol of oppression. Our plans include moving the centre of government to an industrial estate in Slough.

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Let’s do it and I’m with you :)

Can't wait for this ....go!

Posted using Partiko Android

'good stuff', (in my best Alan Partridge impersonation..)

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Impersonations are micro-aggressions. You have been reported to the ministry of truth for a hate crime. The police will be around to ignore your statement soon.

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back of the net!

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Nets are also banned. They are tools of oppression and animal slaughter. You are on your last warning now. Any more transgressions, and you are likely going to find yourself in one of our new Government Unacceptable Language Adjustment & Guidance centres (G.U.L.A.G.'s) which will be springing up in every town and city.

We will in our first week of office be publishing acceptable forms of cheering, which will be based on e-prime diversity-inclusive non-semantically packed hegemonic linguistic patterns devised by Professors of Gender Studies at Kingston-Upon-Thames university.

Congratulations @comrade.corbyn!
Your post was mentioned in the Steem Hit Parade for newcomers in the following category:

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