Me Online Dating Profile

in funny •  2 months ago

Ahoy mateys! Revered Rum, literal pirate and world renowned love guru, here with a special arrrticle for ye today! Now I know ye probably consider good ol’ Rev a prolific wordsmith, and in most cases ye’d be correct, but sometimes even I run into a spat of writer’s block.

As I sat in me luxurious captain's quarters aboard The Maiden’s Desire wracking me brain over what I could write, it hit me! I had @underground ask me fer dating advice, recently, and wanted to know how I met me wench.

Well werry not, Undy, I’ll be posting me entire online dating profile I used on www.piratesonly.com (now defunct at the bottom of Davy Jones’ Locker). Maybe ye can learn a thing or two from the master of romance himself: me.

Ahoy lassies! Reverend Rum, ordained minister and literal pirate, here lookin’ fer love and companionship with me one good eye. I’m the captain of me own ship, The Maiden’s Desire, but I don’t let that power get to me head. I’m a good and fair leader, and me crew respects me to lead them wherever we may go.

While I happen to be quite the successful privateer and find it rather enjoyable, me real desire is to meet a good woman with whom I can spend me life with and settle down, or sail and adventure across the 24 Seas.

Me ideal date would be a night at the theatre seeing a good show with me one good eye, followed by coffee and then protecting y’er honor in drunken sword fights and pistol duels.

Interesting fact: Me peg leg is wooden. Not opposed to gettin’ freaky with it.

Likes: booty, long walks on the beach, rum

Dislikes: scurvy dogs, salty landlubbers, tomatoes

Dealbreakers: must love parrots

Well as ye can see, a short but sweet and to-the-point profile. Keeping y’er profile concise can do wonders, but that’s only the first step. This is just the pre-first impression, mateys. Just remember to be truthful and polite. I know that ain’t somethin’ us pirates are known fer, but the romance game and the freebootin’ game are totally different.

Need advice? I’d be more than happy to proffer me knowledge about romance with ye and answer any questions you have in the comment section of this arrrticle! Or ye can always tag me in y’er own arrrticles and I’ll come with answers.

Until next time, me ‘earties! Keep y’er heads up.

Sources: https://giphy.com/gifs/doctorwho-doctor-who-colin-baker-sixth-7EcJUK3l9YB2w, https://giphy.com/gifs/kpop-k-pop-twice-xUySTMRPPFEBaS2vpC, https://giphy.com/gifs/42BsuUNl1GrjJNIWvy

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So beautiful and full of sexappeal....
I would love to know more about dating

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Do ye think I should make a dating advice column?

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Maybe you should

great stuff!!! lol

Oddly enough, I did ask a question pertaining to "dating"
and yes indeed, it was good advice! THANKS Rum! lol

(like I need "dating advice")

😁 😂 🤣

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good stuff

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Rave Reviews from all involved!
👍👍👍👍👍👍
👍👍👍👍👍👍
👍👍👍👍👍👍
👍👍👍👍👍👍

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Anytime, me 'earty! Glad I could help. Silicone > water based any day.

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only use that when getting freaky with the peg leg, yarrrrrrr
zombehnom.gif

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These Moldy ZOMBEH foods don't like tomatoes either!!!

😁 @reverendrum

It's like a bad dream, the tomato is running fast but still cannot pull away from the shambling zombeh food

😨 😩 🤯 😬 😰 😱 😳

I thought @underground was married ...and how can one not like tomatoes I am shocked :o

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🤦‍♂️

tygertygertyger…

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cute 😋 😎 😍 😘

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Your balance is below $0.028. @dustsweeper is now disabled for your account until you transfer new funds. Check out the Dustsweeper FAQ here: https://steemit.com/dustsweeper/@dustsweeper/dustsweeper-faq

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lol no , that's rev rum,,,,ha ha, he's on a lampooning binge ha ha

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I LOVE HUSKIES!!!
<3

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Love? Please don't love, I'm the one in love..lol

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Not with me I hope!

🤪 lol

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You could always join the Boot Camp, "Sexy Rexy"

😂 🤣

https://discord.gg/gsnapHu

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Lol....funny right?

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yes! 😁

But SERIOUSLY, We have a community bot that upvotes your posts :)

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I just don't, okay matey? If I wanted me food watered down, I'd use water. Tastes better and less mess. Also can't really keep much fruit on a pirate ship, ye should be acutely aware of that, what with being a pirate and all... Unless y'er and imposter pirate! gasp Quick, what's rule 6 of The Pirate Code?

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Never trust a man with two eyes ;)

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Y'er a true pirate after all! I thought so. Can't be too careful with who ye trust, though. I'm sure ye understand.

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Lol... what of a man with no eyes?

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YOu don't trust him either! One eye lost is the sacrifice to the ocean gods two is stupidity and how can you trust a stupid man ...

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U are making a point

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These guys want to eat that tomato :D

lol
mermaid-1488446_960_720.png

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Looks like a mermaid that is kicking some Walrus's A$$

😂 🤣

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Please this is scary!

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This post has received a 63.96 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @reverendrum.

Hahahahahaha!

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giphy (17).gif

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I got the D's!

You have recieved a free upvote from minnowpond, Send 0.1 -> 10 SBD with your post url as the memo to recieve an upvote from up to 100 accounts!

You got a 28.19% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @reverendrum!

Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support the development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!

that last pic is creepy AF, I love this blog,

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VampiCorn to the RESCUE!

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🤯 😬 😰 😱

oh the nightmares are back, mummy...

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Mummy loves you come into her purple embrace :D

http_%2F%2Fwww.theluxuryspot.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F02%2FScreen-Shot-2016-02-14-at-11.49.47-AM-768x1024.png

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Yes mummy!

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How did we get from online dating to this?

i want learn from you teacher

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What would ye like to know, me disciple?

LMAOOOO this is hilarious and superb! just love ittt ahaahahah
@underground you need to take this pirate's advice! for realzzz

😍😍😍😍

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Incredible words !!

Arghhh so nice to spie a fellow datin enthusiast err on steemit. I too like me some big booty, and anyone in their rrrrright mind would like a parrot. Newayyy I’ll be er with me blog sippin some good ol capitan morgs and hopefully we can av some datin strory swapsies

i like you job

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Award for the number of upvotes received

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To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

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Dear friend You should check maximum suggested bid and roi before sending the bid amount. Why are you losing money to other people and also yourself?

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Dear Fiend,
please walk the plank!

pirate.jpg

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I may have only one good eye, but I'm not blind. Do ye really think Good Ol' Rummy Tum Tummy would do somethin' that loses money? There be riches aplenty to be gained if ye play it smart like this pirate did. But by all means, keep insulting me intelligence. Y'er'll be walkin' the plank fer sure, ye scurvy landlubber.

I'll promote me hard work however I please, because I, unlike some naysayers (wink), actually put work into me writin'. If that causes ye ire, ye can shove right off.