I am the Master Baiter! The New Styles Are In! Get Them While They're Hot!

in #funny8 years ago

Are your articles dull? Do you suck? If the answer is yes, you've come to the right place!

If you're sick of sitting around waiting for those votes to trickle in.

If you're wondering, what in thee hell did I do wrong this time!

@nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself to the rescue!

Be the talk of the town with my latest series of article covers.
Wow them with your escape from the mundane.
Impress your friends and make your mommy proud!

That's right!

You too could some day be that attention seeking whore you've always wanted to be!

@nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself will save the day!

My article covers are the bees knees and the cat's meow!

With this much variety, when you're bored of one style, why not change things up a bit?

@nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself will excite!
He will wow!

Do not delay! Act now! If you want to be noticed just call

@nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself!

He'll take care of the rest.

Our lines are open!

Our operators are patiently waiting to hear from you!

Oh, and before I forget!

Congratulations!

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Disclaimer: Humor alert. This article was designed to be funny, not serious.
There aren't any operators with sexy voices for you to call.
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All images seen here were produced by me.
"I'm an adult!"
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©2017 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.

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Using these dazzlingly beautiful images in my posts has increased the number of fans voting by over 9000!

Don't use just any blog picture. Use the best!

Another satisfied customer!

Why is this poplar?

You are using the logical portion of your mind to interrogate this conundrum. Use the left hand side. It makes sense of nonsense.

Well, it's official. This article cracks me the fuck up.

"Tap that ass" sounds like animal cruelty to me. Arse. The word you're looking for is arse. Say it nice and loud. Doesn't that feel much more satisfying than ass? Though you probably have to say it in a Kiwi accent to get full satisfaction.

That was animal cruelty though. This is steemit. I totally meant tap that ass. There's no humor here! This is english! Words can only mean one thing! I'm having a bad dream! AHHHHH!

Arse. I'll have to practice that one. It shouldn't be hard. When I played hockey, the goalie's name was Darcy. We called him Darse. I think I can do this.

You're an adult? You adult very badly. (which is a compliment ;)

Just thought I'd have some fun writing an advertisment parody that pokes a bit of fun at click baiters. SMH... what was I thinking... LOL!

Speaking of clicking, I see that you did not decide to put these on SUP, LOL!

SUP was broken! I sent them an email... they said, "yes, we know, we're working on it." I'll probably change the links when I can. There was supposed to be a funny secret message to go along with this article. Because of them, I'll have to use that joke on something else.

Speaking of wood, how much for the 'boner' one, and does it come in a large size? I'm asking for a friend.

Can I get one large BONER here! This guy wants a BONER! Bring me the large BONER! Why am I paying you people! Where's my BONER!

That'll be $19.99 sir. Would you like it wrapped?

SHHHH! Yes, wrapped, please.

COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE WRAP THIS BONER!

I'M ON IT....LATEX OR VINYL?
Crap, teach me how to enlarge d...I mean text, text!! How do you make it big, how do you make it grow??
(Seriously, that's the one markdown feature I haven't figured out yet!!)

You get this with one of these #, then a space, then the words.

This is two of those.

This is three of those

This is plain. Bold is easy, just put two of these * on either side of the word or sentence. One of those gives you this. Three gives you this.

I knew the rest, sheesh I'm not that unsavvy, just didn't know how to make it # LARGE...that didn't work. Number sign space and word, nope still small.

The first thing on the line must be the #
You can also type out a line and then put one single hyphen under the line.

Ha! You think so? I thought so too. Something so silly and corny and I can't even read my own work without getting a chuckle. Thanks for enjoying it!

This post has been ranked within the top 50 most undervalued posts in the first half of Jan 12. We estimate that this post is undervalued by $6.13 as compared to a scenario in which every voter had an equal say.

See the full rankings and details in The Daily Tribune: Jan 12 - Part I. You can also read about some of our methodology, data analysis and technical details in our initial post.

If you are the author and would prefer not to receive these comments, simply reply "Stop" to this comment.

I make this list nearly every day!

The kiwi alphabet. A is for arse. B is for bugger.


C is for ... I will leave that to your imagination.

Your kiwi accent is coming along splendidly

Ha, I'm not sure what I find funnier, your abc's, the style of the video, or that the video started with "New Zealanders don't talk much"...are you the chatty cathy in your neighborhood, hmm? LOL

Oh god no, I'm a complete introvert. One on one conversation, or very small groups, is best for me.

You're being serious aren't you. This is not like if noname were to say it.

So you're a closet wild child with an outrageous sense of humor, but reserved for those who are lucky enough to yank you out of said closet? My daughter is your kindred. (well, not sure about the wild yet, but I have a feeling that her older brothers will be telling me stories in the not so distant future of she and wine and dancing on a table...lol;). Not me, I am exactly as I seem to be; super shy and extremely demure, also politically correct and bad words make me blush....if it were opposite day, HAH Though I do enjoy some good quiet time.

Pretty much. Dancing on a table I could and have done, but that story is reserved for you in private. But ask me to chat - not so easy. Though I could blather on for hours about nutrition or something nobody wants to hear at a party.

A table dancing story that requires privacy...oh now you must onward to chat, can't leave me hanging like that! I suppose I remember our early days long, long ago (steemit friendships progress in dog years I've found) where you may have seemed a bit shy-er...however your love of This Man gave you away, I knew we were destined to be friends :)

Ohhhh, sweet, thanks!!

(Nesting problems again)

Do you think the glaring majority of people here will continue to snub my humor for the rest of my days?

You know it is so difficult for me to understand what the metric is for such things on this platform. @kiwideb's husband or partner, not sure, made a few comments in a post about Americans and their prudishness, and of course there are exceptions (moi) but he isn't wrong. Particularly those of the pseudo-intellectual clan, which sadly there are a great deal of on steemit. The snooty "book club" types, who will discuss symbolism and metaphor and all kinds of nonsense in a book where the author probably had no such thoughts about when he/she wrote it. And they will turn their nose up at a book where the characters say fuck and shit because it's vulgar which they seem to translate as ignorant. And yes, there are ignorant people who swear a great deal because they're vocabulary is limited, but there are also a large number of very intelligent people who swear for a reason. Be it clever humor, in your case, or in line with characters, in my case. So what I guess I think is that eventually the population of steemit will grow and include a bigger variety of people who will not all be from this clan and things will change.

I have trouble judging people, but I realize many would and do judge me. I've noticed my humor seems to sit well with folks from the "commonwealth" countries. A few americans as well. I really don't know what type of people are here. I suppose I don't really care. I'm holding too much back to make something like this article really shine. I get the feeling people would prefer things I do to be a little more mainstream. I'm always working hard and offering up many of my own images per article. Sometimes I think people see that and think I'm trying to up the ante or set the bar to a place they can't reach. That's not the case though. Or maybe they see the poor penmanship in the letters, judge me accordingly, and don't realize it's all intentional. I do a lot of self deprecation style bits. Making myself appear to be stupid is part of the show. If people really do think I'm a bit off, they should probably vote. That means I did a good job. For the most part though, I'm just being myself.

I just don't get it... humor in all it's forms is such a huge draw everywhere else. I see people here googling jokes and "borrowing" memes to get a laugh. They get the big votes for some reason. Here I am on a new platform attempting to be something new and never before seen. I'm holding back, but damn, it feels like I'm being held back at times. Not always, some days just feel strange here. Oh well...

Oh, I also wanted to tell you that countzero, the one who asked why it was popular, is a kid, literally a kid, from I think Russia. He was being literal, he has a language barrier and is trying hard to 'get' what's going on here lol

Yeah, I figured that one out after I asked what was wrong. I don't mind explaining though. I have kids, I know how to say, "this is grown up humor." ... but it's never wise to start with that line... just in case, you know, it's a pouting adult.

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