An Open Transmission to Hand-Cutting, Propaganda-Pushing, Family-Murdering Father!

in funny •  10 months ago

@lordvader is at it again! His latest transmission has caused me to come out of exile to set the record straight.

I haven't posted in a while because the wi-fi is awful on my sacred island. But OMG the views are amazing!

skellig-star-wars-location-24.jpg

Talk about paradise! Not to mention this honey just showed up out of nowhere:
ridley-hamill-last-jedi-trailer-ht-jef-171121_12x5_992.jpg

My father's just jealous because he can't pull women like this even if he tried, while I just have them showing up on my island!

Now on to my father, @lordvader's claims. He claims that the clearly fraudulent scene where I cut off a wampa's arm is real! I would never do that! You can tell from watching the scene that the producers used camera tricks to make it look like I did that unspeakable act!

And I have proof!

Exhibit A

19406205532_750a9d1885_b.jpg
This photo was discovered in a folder on my dad's computer, which was labeled "Super Secret Propaganda".

I hacked into my father's computer, because despite his praise of Vera, she is surprisingly vulnerable to pop-up ads that say, "Is your boss a total dipwad?"

On his computer, under a folder called "twi'leks getting it on", was a folder called "Super Secret Propaganda." Which is where I found indisputable proof that the name "Empire Strikes Back" was originally "The Empire Strikes Back and Makes Luke Look Like a Wampa-Killing Jerk."

Aayla-Secura-cosplay.jpeg
Just an example of "other things" that were found on my father's hard drive

If he's so high and mighty about animal rights, then why are his scientists doing experiments like this:
images.jpeg
This dog has been "heavily modified" and weaponized to further my father's evil plans

Or this:
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My father moments before destroying a giant chipmunk

@lordvader, you could have let me retire in peace, but now you have forced me to air your dirty laundry. I just have one question:
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niiice bro

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I'll try to wade through the grammatical errors and logical fallacies, but I already know what you're trying to tell me: I love you, son, come home.

You poked the bear. Great stuff!

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I see what you did there, but I would never poke a bear, because I love all furry creatures. Way more than dad, and even better.

Old bucket head just can't face the truth that you are better looking than him. Also, he never projected himself across the galaxy

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My super flowy hair wouldn't even fit in his nasty sweaty helmet

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He doesn't even have any hair. You should do shampoo ads

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I do have my own line. I call it Chez Handsome
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hello dear sister. im new for steemit.. my full confidence you full soppurt and help me.. thanks dear

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