An Open Transmission to the Crooked, Lying, and Whiny Farm Boy.

in funny •  9 days ago

Greetings loyal followers.



This is my feline named Padme. She will scratch your freaking face off if you cross her. That is why I like her. I treat animals well... except for ewoks. Those I eat well... done.

My executive assistant Vera, who is the epitome of integrity, has informed me that the whiny little farm boy is spewing hypocrisy all over the universe. The Empire has intercepted the following transmission...



"Luke would never do this?" You freaking did it! Don't deny it! It's right there in the documentary known as Star Wars. You know you did it. Everyone knows you did it. And yet you deny that you "would do it". You were recorded doing it and yet you insist that you didn't. Are you saying the transmission is fake? You even admitted last year that the video was real. Are you insane, a liar, or do you have dementia?

Why is your nickname on Earth "Mar Camel"? I believe a "camel" is some sort of desert creature on this primitive planet and "mar" means to disfigure or scar. The inhabitants of that blue rock are calling you an "animal disfigurer" right to your stupid scarred face and you are too much of a moron to notice. Loser!



You are about to cut down a mouse in cold blood. Real heroic you crooked farm boy! Terrible!

Next you say that the Wampa is like a "hungry bear" and you should have just "scared him off". Look, I know you are incredibly weak when it comes to dealing with enemies, but come on. We all know you love killing animals. In fact, some would say it is one of your favorite pastimes.

Before I continue burying you in alternative facts, I'd like to mention how delicious that wampa arm looks. I don't know if @justjenn is anywhere near as talented as @gringalicious, but from the looks of that picture, she can whip up a mean wampa arm. I wonder what she could do with an ewok arm?



Oh my Maker. Just looking at this is making my mouth water... which can be a problem because if I do that too much in this helmet I might drown.

Anyway, back to the crooked farm boy.

The disembodied voice in the transmission mocks you and calls "Camel" an "animal lover".

Animal lover????????!!!!!!!



Let me remind everyone how much you "love" animals.

First of all, I don't know what you do to cows to make them so sad that they produce blue milk... but you are clearly very good at it. There seemed to be no shortage of depressed cow juice at your "moisture farm" (translation "drug front").

You bragged to all of your new buddies how you "...used to bull's-eye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters." So you murdered cute little womp rats for fun. And I'm the bad guy? I know you were questioned about this sadistic behavior. How convenient that on that now famous Life Day 'interrogation' with no swearing in and no recording, you lied many times...and nothing happened to you? If I did that, people would be calling for my beautiful head in a fire. Rigged system, or just a double standard?



By the way, speaking of Life Day, I would like to take this opportunity to wish all of my followers a Force-filled Life Day. I'm sure the whiny farm boy would prefer I wish everyone a happy life/death/in limbo/clinically brain dead day, but I am not Pathetically Calibrated like that. It's "Life" Day. If you don't celebrate "Life" day, then you are wrong. You suck. So who cares what you think when I say it to you?

Back to the "animal lover" wacky Mar Camel.

Do you remember the dianoga? Danny (that was his name) was that adorable creature who got lost and became trapped in a trash compactor. When you found him, he was so happy that he gave you a big hug. And what did you do? You had that scruffy looking scoundrel you run with shoot him. One second, he was overjoyed at the idea of being free. The next second... he's freaking dead. Good thing you didn't "love" that animal any more. You would have ripped out his eye and spit down his neck.



Don't hug this whiny farm boy. If you do, he'll have his friend shoot you.

Of course there is the incident in question. You were recorded cutting off an innocent wampa's arm. You even admit that, "Wampa was hungry (not EVIL)". And yet you cut off his freaking arm. We better warn the humans to keep those adorable polar bears away from you. The Maker only knows what you would do to them if given half the chance. You might just "love" their heads right off.

I will admit that there is obviously one animal you do truly love... Tauntauns. You love them so much that you are just fine with your nerf-herding friend turning one into a sleeping bag for you any time your itty, bitty, toesies get too cold. You slept inside a living creature and never mentioned anything about it.



Nothing says "animal lover" more than living inside the dead carcass of one.

Hey animal expert, I have a question for you. What do you think lives in a swamp? That's right! Animals! And what did you do the first time you saw a swamp? That's also correct! You dropped a freaking star ship into it. You knew you couldn't lift the ship. You even whined "Moving stones around is one thing. But this is totally different." Then you said, "Alright I'll give it a try." You knew damn well that you were going to drop that ship. Did you think about all of the animals you "love" who would be crushed by your failure? No! You just did it. You killed all of those creatures and no one said anything. No justice!

Do you remember this being?



This is Doug before he encountered the "animal lover".

Do you think Doug had many friends in the world? Of course not. He had exactly one. His name was Randy and he was a beautiful animal. Doug got Randy when he was just a youngling. He fed him, cared for him and raised him into a wonderful companion.



Then the one time you met Doug's best friend Randy, what did you do? You murdered him! Just like you murder almost every animal you encounter. If you "loved" animals any more, there would be none left!



This is Doug after encountering Mar Camel.

I will say this: crooked Mar Camel killed many times and nothing happened to him. I think it’s a shame. He lied many times. Nothing happened to him. It’s very unfair.

Oh you thought I was finished?

You "love" animals right?

Are humanoids animals?

How many freaking animals do you think you murdered when you did this...



You ended approximately 1.2 MILLION lives that day you monster! I know you only "love" animals so perhaps you don't care about the humanoids you murdered. But allow me to inform you of something. Some of them had pets.

So Mar Camel, tell everyone again how much of an "animal lover" you are.

Now a final plea to my loyal followers...

There is so much GUILT by Rebels/Camel, and now the facts are pouring out. DO SOMETHING!

Huge announcement!


I have sent a special transmission to my most loyal followers. You can find it on this frequency: @lord-vader. Although the transmissions sent to this frequency will be brief, they will be extremely powerful and amazing (like everything I do).

Images

Kitty
deadmau5
Mmmmmm wampa arm...
Hilarious!
Animal lover
Free hugs.
I thought they smelled bad on the outside.
Doug
Doug and Randy
Doug and Randy after being "loved" by Mar Camel.
Murderer!

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Very wise.

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I love the Vader bling :)

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how strong !


The Reality of paid "social" media becomes non bullshit covered, nice

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I too try to avoid bullshit.

Hi @lordvader I see you are interested in Star Wars. Check out my recent post, my tribute sculpture to George Lucas. I did many custom toys based on Star Wars universe. I even made full scale BB8 I will post about here and shown my Rey Speeder bike custom quadcopter I released to public for free to 3d print.

very interesting, thanks for sharing

Lord Vader, your content is some of the best on this self-obsessed platform. Also, you have lived the documentary called Star Wars; you should know that Mar Camel is no mere farm boy. That being said, here is a little something to remind you of how the Empire is a bunch of animal lovers:
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Don't have a reply? It's ok, Jam's Earl Jeans (I think that's your Earth nickname), I would be hard-pressed to find something to remark about this one as well.

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I never find it difficult to do anything. I am the best at everything.

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Fake news. That never happened.

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Oh! That changes things. In that case, do you know where I can book a hotel on Alderaan? I think I might want to vacation there soon, but I can't seem to find a place that will let me book a space there.

Rebel scum.

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Lord Vader just added a new follower.
Love animals so much might I might live my next life a cat. Wait! 'Mar loves animals too.'
I am out!!!
Wait again! Sorry I was already a loyal follower, Just wanted you to hear me slam the door close.
GBAMM!!!!

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Me too...

You have trained her well

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Too bad the transmission ended before it shows her cutting off those fiends' paws. (Someone always loses a hand).

i'm glad you have a cat.

you're just like us on the inside ehhhh?

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Are you scarred over 100% of your body and have robotic limbs? If so, then yes I am just like you on the inside.

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Comment of the day.

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Forgive him, master, he knows not what he speaks... how could we even dream to be like you? Be merciful and give him a quick choke...

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Your loyalty should be rewarded. Here . Enjoy this.

Haha, this reminds me of the poster book that I added speech bubbles to!!!

wookie.jpg

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Yes. Yes he is a mass murderer.

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You raised him well, by remote force guidance?
What is thy bidding 2..jpg
(from my campaign against Monsanto)

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I think it is very clear. Make me popcorn.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still bloody laughing hysterically at this...and the big problem is I don't even sure what I am laughing at...that makes it doubly funny...so following you for the laughs...

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You are laughing at the audacity of the hypocritical, whiny, crooked farm boy.

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Guess being a hypocritical cynic myself makes me laugh

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Ahhh what the hell upvoted...may the force be with you

....I have no idea what I just read, but I can't stop laughing at this. Keep it up!

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"Lord Boss". I don't remember any "Lord Boss". Hmmm we shall see if you are worthy of becoming a loyal follower.

Lord Vader I think I can't help but agree with you on this one. I mean, whatever your opinion of Luke, the guy is simply one of the greatest mass murderers of all time by virtue of that one proton torpedo. I doubt whethet even you, the Dark Lord of the Sith you are, have directly killed over a million people.

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Not yet...

Lord master show us your mercy!!
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Have you learned nothing from my apprentice?

I just love your posts @lordvader

Please don’t choke hold me again.

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Of course you do.

OMFG I have just discovered a post level GOD.

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You're welcome.

Good..... good! And now I sense you wish to continue your search for the young animal murderer. You must move quickly, that padawan is relentless. Won't you think of the wampa children who will now only know their father's (mother's?) one armed embrace?

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An excellent point. Another reason to despise that despicable liar!

Hope you enjoy

[()

The documentaries didn't show the ewoks being wiped out when the debris of the second death star trained down on Endor. Another genocide by the farm boy and his friends. What a jerk. I heard he's back on screens soon

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Tell me about it. Do you know how expensive Ewok meat has become?

the best
13178012_971219312973538_8904813614511162620_n.jpg

I am different, with a hijaber woman, remain optimistic for you

22196223_1316476885164767_4680199727014601035_n.jpg

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You look like a worthy apprentice.

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why so? what is in mind is there to me

This is fantastic ; very well made - love the theme and everything, starwars is amazing ; and never broke character once .

You sir have an amazing gift Lord Vader .
May the darkside be with you .

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"Broke character?" I break many characters.

Sometimes two at once.

I can't stop laughing. Keep it up dear

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That will not be a problem.

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Yeah. Right

RIP Doug
Gone But Not Forgotten

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That's Randy. But you are correct. As a sign of loyalty you should do this...

Loool! That was hilarious XD. I take it you're not a Mar Caml fan.. Look forward to your next one.

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Of course not. He is a crooked liar who should be in prison.

I have apparently been brainwashed... Thank you for bringing this scoundrel's misdeeds to light!
Thank you Lord Vader!

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You are welcome.

No wonder that guy in the bar couldn't stand Camel's face. The nerve of him showing up in public. Stupid Obi with his concealed carry commmited a crime and the cops look the other way. Dirty crooks.

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I am glad you understand. They are all crooked. Did the galactic news agencies report anything about it? Those agencies are an enemy of the people.

This is really a cool article. I remember my childhood days when i watched star wars. Star wars really invaded the whole world because during that time people are really impress with the creation of the movie. The idea of the movie is also great. The characters are definitely world class. The story line is superb. Thank you for sharing with us your article.

a good post @lordvader , because a good person is someone who benefits others. so after reading your post then i can laugh for a moment even though i am not appetizing with joke, still be the best

Congratulations @lordvader!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

  • Pending payout - Ranked 6 with $ 213,3

what's with cats am the only one who doesn't own a cat? especially on steemit

Saw this the other day, and thought of how much of an inspiration you are to this planet of ignoramuses.

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If he had done those neck exercises as I had instructed, he's still be alive. If...

i like animals vs super man ex. spider man and batman

Lord Vader, you are too kind in mentioning me in your transmission. I won't tell anyone, but I think there's a chance that there is some good in you, but have no worry, I won't tell the 'farm boy.'

"This is Doug before he encountered the "animal lover"." Oh, I remember this moment as if it were way before I was born. But, my mere mortal parents have told me of this and of course, it was recorded on film, so I have watched it repeatedly. That 'farm boy,' What a hipocrite!

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If you were to prepare me one of your delicious meals, then I would definitely have good in me.

Your parents have raised you to appreciate the Dark side. They have done you a great service. Your family's loyalty will be rewarded.

Very nice brooo.....😊😊😊😊

I've read it and I've had a lot of fun, it's really nice your content, now you have a faithful follower from Colombia:

I hope to continue reading you.

See you later and I want you to keep growing more and more, I'm also trying to do

a picture full of meaning