Oh Look! That Loser, the Whiny Farm Boy, has Come out of Hiding.

in funny •  9 months ago

If you have been wondering why I haven't sent any transmissions recently, it is because I have been trying to enjoy one of my favorite pastimes: ruining creatures' Life Day celebrations. Perhaps some day I will regale you with glorious stories of one of my favorite forms of amusement. But for now, I need to deal with an annoyance.



I can't even enjoy my favorite pastime without that loser Mar Camel sending a blatantly false and inflammatory transmission intended to attempt to make me look bad. That is a fool's errand (so he should be excellent at it). I never look bad.

In his transmission, he has the nerve to accuse me of lying. Me lying? I can't believe that he even has the audacity to hope that he would catch me in a lie. I am far too good at distracting people from the lies I never tell.

But he sent it, so I guess I need to point out all of the dirty lies and falsehoods he packed into it.



Just jump already. Your island sucks.

Lets start with that island of yours. I commend you on being the only Jedi with enough brains to realize you can't possibly defeat the Dark Side of the Force. So you did the incredibly heroic thing of hiding on an island like a freaking weasel while your family and loved ones fought (and lost) battle after battle. Bravo! Now I'm glad that old dirt bag stole you away from me when you were a baby. I'd be embarrassed if I raised a son who behaved like such a coward.

By the way, could you have found a crappier place to hide for 30 years? You live on a rock surrounded by furry penguins (that look delicious by the way) and turtle women dressed like Holly Hobby. Congrats on that choice.

Here is where I hang out on the very rare occasion I want to get away from it all.



Your island looks even crappier now doesn't it?

As far as that "honey" goes, I just have to tell you that you are seriously sick. I mean you have major issues. Not only did you make out with your sister every chance you got, now you are hot for a woman who is most likely my grandchild (despite what my fanboy Kylo-Ren has to say)?! That means you are either her uncle or her dad. What? Are you a Hollywood producer... or actor... or executive... or sports team owner... or senator or... Never mind! Just keep it in your pants you sicko!

And accusing me of not being able to get any ladies?! Are you delusional? We all know that every woman wants me. They just don't know it yet. Luckily I have a little test that involves grabbing them anywhere I like. When they let me (and they always do) I know they are into my power. Furthermore, do I need to remind you of how freaking hot your mom was? Oh wait. Of course I don't. You're the sick, sick person who kisses your sister all the damn time! But you win. You trolled me. I will show you an image to remind you of her hotness.



"Can't pull women..."

There. Are you happy now? Of course you are. You sick old man.

Now onto the animals. You claim the wampa lost its arm due to a camera trick. Then you use this as "evidence".



You are standing there holding a freaking lightsaber next to a wampa with a severed arm. Why won't anybody investigate you and all of your crimes? You are so crooked yet everyone is always focused on all of the terrible underhanded things I did. No justice!

Also, why did you cut its arm off. Do you know how much that creature is going to suffer? It won't be able to feed itself now. Were you aiming for the middle and you missed? How stupid are you? I would never do that. If I promise I am aiming for the middle, I would never make a mistake and really target the upper part of something. I guess I am just 1.5 trillion times better than you at aiming for and hitting the middle part of something.

And you are talking about my files? What about the 33,000 transmissions you deleted to cover up your crooked tracks? Also did you just admit committing a crime? Is no one going to do anything about this? If I ever blatantly admitted committing a crime, no one would ever let me live it down. But you get to brag about it?

Sorry that the images on my data pads disappointed you. I'm sure you were looking for females who resembled your family members.

And that file titled "The Empire Strikes Back and Makes Luke Look Like a Wampa-Killing Jerk." so what? I also have one titled "Water is wet" and "Ewoks are delicious". We made you look like a wampa-killing jerk because you are a wampa killing jerk. You kind of did our job for us. Thanks for that.

I always knew you were dirty, but bringing Sadie into this? Seriously?



The Empire enhanced that creature. She was awesome before, but now she is super awesome! Why? Because the only thing better than a living creature is when you combine that living creature with the most advanced technology available.

That creature has never been happier. I'm sure you're just upset because it will be more difficult for you to injure that innocent animal.



Your final piece of of evidence is just ridiculous. Do you see how happy that creature is? I gave that creature that fur and it let me ride it. What's the problem?



In that final image, are you begging me for a hug? Well that's not happening. Knowing you, you'd try to make out with me.

Go back to your rock and stay there you coward!

Images

My favorite pastime
Jump!
Wish I could get here a little more,
MILTHLIDON (Mom I'd like to hold like I did on Naboo)
That's not the middle
Sadie
Give a creature a fur...
Hug it out

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

You rocked it your lordship, you make great points ... If the sith dynasty thing doesn't work out, you'd be a great attorney for a law firm. Oh wait, I guess that's basically the same thing, never mind.

·

i think it is not the same thing o'fella :D
@iarticle

·

I'd be a great anything. Thank you very much.

hahha very funny I like it

There's no one else i'd rather upvote! Thanks Lord Vader!

Rebel intelligence indicates that you spent more than 100 days this year "getting away from it all". Is that an accurate figure? Also, there is a proposal from the Senate to cut taxes for the Empire's greatest supporters; will that help make the Empire great again or is it a mirage in the well-combed desert?

·

Rebel intelligence is fake news. You have no idea how hard I work while I am spending Imperial credits at establishments I happen to own. Of course I am cutting taxes on those in the highest ranks. How else will all of that trickle down to the slaves on the spice planets? And it's not like I promised to provide relief for those in the middle and lower stations. M.E.G.A. is real!

·

He's too busy trying to distract the media by putting his son on the chopping block!

·
·

And his son makes it so easy by being a complete doofus.

@w@

thank you, this is really nice post)

New Avtars Of star wars

very nice post

Wow man!!! you have nailed it.... I'm sure you are a crazy star war guy :) ..keep up the good work.. voted!!!

This is just too funny.

Wow Captain Picard. I like your post very much sir. It is a nice post. A post worthy of being posted. You post well. So well. So very well of a poster you are sir Captain Picard.

·

Here is an award for you.

·
·

My very own Death Star!!

(Note to self: Christmas, 2017. Fucking awesome!)

Chewie has confirmed the porgs are tasty. I saw he took some along for a snack.

·

Smartest thing that walking carpet ever did.

I thought you were busy making a movie! Still haven't watched new Star Wars, but I hope you are there! ( please don't spoil my dreams )

·

Is it awesome? Then I'm in it. If not. I'm not.

·
·

Beautiful daydreams

Infinitely superior! 6852497463_55626a2446_b.jpg

Sounds like someone forgot that whiny runs in the family like father, son, and grandson old nounverber blood runs true

Ohhhh my God,, What an awesome story it is. All of the pictures are really super.

the story is very interesting and easy to read @lordvader

it could be a beautiful post if Without photos of star wars

star wars my favorite movie, iko uwais new actor makes this film so much more great, amazing...

You are excellent minded man

life is like a game

Well said, your Lordship!

you gave him a good beating with that speech and with your indifference

Hello, great work, i liked your post and reward it with upvote.

I'm running budget proposal campaign on Steemit for funding my future STEEM Windows and Android app - STEEMER. If you would like to contribute, please visit my post for details: https://steemit.com/utopian-io/@cryptomonitor/steemer-your-future-steem-blockchain-transactor-windows-android-app-funding-update-23-12-2017

your post is very good, how can you get an idea like this?

Fantaaaaaastic @iarticle

Luke makes constipated faces on the island.

hahaha this is to funny and amazing

Kylo Ren has a daddy issues HAHAHAHA

hehe, you are so funny,
and i wish you get more

Your kid seems to have developed some trust issues.

worlds-greatest-dad-darth-vader.png

I wonder why?

Congratulations @lordvader!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

  • Pending payout - Ranked 6 with $ 360,43

nice post thank you for share

wow its so awesome ..you are funny loved it

greetings

The movie i am waiting for....

I'm just going to look past this awful post and remind myself what a great Christmas we had this year!