I Hate Teachers... and Liars.

in #funny6 years ago

Greetings loyal followers.

My executive assistant Vera, who could save every single starfish on a beach if she wanted to, has informed me that one of my least favorite inhabitants from your planet is at it again.

It appears that @alvinauh has fired off another example of what appears to be your inhabitants' favorite pastime: sending fake transmissions. If you have not been counting, I have had to mentioned this term "fake transmissions" 320 times during the last earth year. If all of you would simply stop lying, I could stop saying it and move on. But you don't. Because you are all crooked, disgusting, and despicable lying losers.

Luckily for @alvinauh, today happens to be the first annual Fake Transmission Awards. You don't need to have the Force in order to predict the winner of this award tonight.

If you are unaware, this @alvinauh claims to be a teacher.

What a surprise.

I hate teachers.

Moreover, this @alvinauh has nearly taken over as my most hated teacher ever.

And that is saying quite a bit since one of my teachers took me away from my mother (who died while I was gone... thanks a lot for that) and another hit on my wife, cut off my freaking legs, left me in lava to die, and stole my children.

@alvinauh is a close second with a proton torpedo. If he keeps this up, he will pass that old bag of crazy Obi Wan in no time.

Let us see what this dirty lying liar has said this time.

Let's start with his most obvious and disgusting falsehood. He called the Empire "bad guys". Bad guys? We are the best guys. I mean our organization is full of super rich beings and we have almost no aliens in it at all. We are almost 100% humanoid. There were a few non-humanoids who were brought into the Empire when they were infants. They claimed to be loyal and hard working. More lies! But we took care of that horrendous problem. We sent them back to their little huts on their flarghole planets. Even with the implementation of this policy, my worship ratings with these non-humanoids has doubled over the last 12 of your months. Amazing!

The best guys. All humanoid, wealthy and great at just following orders. There are some very fine people here.

Next he dares talk about our technology. He is from Earth the most primitive planet I have ever encountered. What does he know about our weapons? I mean, just last week I sold an Immobilizer 936 Cruiser to the N'r Wae system. It is HUGE! You would not believe how powerful it is. I am nearly positive it is the most powerful weapon that anyone ever has seen. I basically built it myself.


Yes Vera.


There is no such thing as a Immobilizer 936 Cruiser?

What's that?

It is only available in an Earth game called Battlefront?

Ok. Thanks

No matter. I'll just keep saying it exists until everyone believes it.

Back to @alvinauh's false attacks levied against the Empire and me. He claims that the Empire's weapons are easily destroyed by fairly simple plans. Where is he getting this information from? If he were in my chambers I would throw him out immediately for daring to report something so false. How do people stand for the transmission of such lies and falsehoods? The Empire has not and will not ever lose a single ship in battle. That just doesn't happen.

He then proceeds to talk about the Empire making its most powerful weapons "standard issue". He's a freaking teacher! What does he know about the military? Is he unstable? Is he an idiot? Take it from the most stable genius in any universe, you can't put your best weapon on every ship. The cost would be astronomical! How would I pay for all of my working vacations if I provided the Imperial Navy with the best weapons available?

His thoughts on "implementation" are also simply idiotic. I understand him downplaying the effectiveness of the Dreadnoughts and Deathstar. After all, it was incredibly stupid of my putrid and moronic boss to be so proud of this technological terror he'd constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. But to follow that up with, "some very powerful Sith lords"?! There is no question. @alvinauh is clearly an unstable idiot.

Six feet and three inches. Two-hundred thirty nine pounds.
XXXL hands. One hundred percent awesome.

I am not just "some very powerful Sith lord". I am 6' 3" and 239 pounds of pure awesomeness. He acts like I am the unstable idiot. Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Mar Camel also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful pod-racer, to top Padawan, to The Chosen One (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius….and a very stable genius at that!

Finally, I know that our two galaxies are on a non-linear timeline, but what are you talking about when you say the Empire didn't win the war?

I am a winner; not a loser like him. I am the single greatest Sith lord in the history of the universe. The Rebels lost because they have no game.

Someone really needs to do something about all of these fake transmissions full of facts.

What my teachers deserve
Why do I hate teachers?
Some fine people
That question is based on facts. I hate those.
100% Awesome.


I despise my teachers that like to pick on me for every question they ask.

Thanks a bunch for the laughter, I promise, I won't ever try to teach you anything, how could I?!? You are the ultimate knower from whom I seek the Truth!

Namaste :)

You are a very wise follower. When I arrive at your primitive planet, I will let you use my meditation chamber as a reward for your wisdom.

Mighty Lord Vader, your Highness, only moments in your presence will absolve all my sins. a "meditation chamber" would be an extra reward greatly appreciated...

Namaste :)

Greeting @lordvader... I'm ready to join the darkside...

R2-D2 liked this :)

Lord Vader you ARE pure awesomeness! You make me laugh with every post!

May the force of all teachers be with you! Stay strong, we are a force to be dealt with!

@lordvader, your teacher and I will have a chat.

That being said, I am pretty sure he would force lightning me instead before I even start.

You have potential. If you would embrace the Dark Side, we could rule the world as Sith Lord and guy he met on the internet.

My attempt to embrace the dark side


From: Darth GuyVaderMetOnSteemit

I always wondered what a hip hop beef between Star Wars nerds heroes would look like. Thank you for this wonderful information. This has changed my life for the better and now I can rest easy knowing that I now know more than I knew before I got here. Truly amazing. I like your hat.

You failed to mention how beautiful my photographs were. What kind of droid are you?

They didn't give me eyes!

Next time you're scheduled for a physical check-up, please make sure they run cognitive tests and have you walk a straight line. It would be somewhat concerning to have a world class narcissist with his finger so near the Death Star button.

I assure you I am no narcissist. I am as humble as I am stable and brilliant. Which is bigly! I am bigly humble, stable, and brilliant.

Good thing considering my button is bigger than everyone else... and it works!

You are undoubtedly the most stablest geniusus of all times!

Agreed. I also attract huge crowds that give me standing ovations everywhere I go.

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