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I heard that video content is a thing you should do

in order to stay ahead in today's competitive online content marketing game, so there you go, video content. All yours. No charge. Free video for you. It's 33 seconds, which from what I'm told is an appropriate number of seconds for a video content to be. People have very short attention spans, you know, so you have to keep your video contents short and sweet and to the point. Apparently another thing you're supposed to do if you want to stay ahead in today's competitive online content marketing game is to always write with short paragraphs, use short sentences, and include lots of transition words as opposed to lumping everything together into one longwinded disconnected chunk of text because nobody has the time or patience to read that kind of nonsense. This is 2018. People skim content, they don't read it, so in order to be a successful online content writer you have to write in a way that lazy people will be able to understand and process. You have to make lots of great video contents and you have to write for the lowest common denominator in 2018, otherwise you will lose the competitive online content marketing game. Which is not a thing you want to lose, unless you're okay with being irrelevant and un-hip and broke as fuck. Also, apparently you're not supposed to use the F-word in your online content because many people find the F-word to be offensive and they will immediately cease skimming your online content if their eyes skim across the F-word.

But holy fuck, it was windy up there!

Dammit. I'm new to the online content marketing game, I'm still learning, goddammit. Bear with me, I'll do better next time, I promise. You see that ripply effect in my video content? It's not just me, is it? You can see that too, right? I didn't do that. I didn't do anything to make that happen, it just happened. I've never had a video content do that before. Maybe the wind was just so strong that it F-worded with the lens somehow? I don't know. Nice effect, though, maybe it will help my video content win big in today's competitive online content marketing game. I couldn't stand up straight. The wind would have blown me off the summit if I had stood up straight. I had to crouch down and sort of crawl my way up to the top. Back when I lived in Chicago they used to joke that the wind was so strong sometimes that you could lean back into it and not fall over. Well, that's nice. That's very nice. That's all very nice and cute. This wind was so strong that you could lean back into it, sure, fine, go ahead and do that, lean back into it just like that, and then enjoy the ride as it picks you up like you don't exist and throws you off the mountain a thousand feet down into the valley below. What a great day. It was great. My kind of day out in the mountains. Oh yeah,

paragraph break!

Stay with me skimmers,

everything's gonna be great,

because

holy fuck, I made a video content!

Dammit. I'm trying to be hip and relevant, I really am. Don't hate me for failing every now and then. I'm only human, I fuck up from time to time. Dammit! I'm trying, I really am! Go ahead and tell me I'm not trying hard enough, that's fine, you can tell me that, but it's not true. I'm trying. I'm really trying, I swear to god I'm trying as hard as I can!

Dammit. Use more paragraph breaks you fucking useless excuse for an online content marketer!

Dammit!

Don't use the F-word! Don't use the F-word! Don't use the F-word!

Nobody will ever read your contents and nobody will ever watch your video contents if you keep using offensive F-words like that!

Where the hell did you learn to be an online content marketer?

What!?

You went to a university to learn to be an online content marketer, and you're still fucking it up this bad!?

Dammit!

FUCK

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Hello from the high Rockies of Colorado. My name is Brandt, pleased to meet you. I’m a writer but I probably shouldn't be. I live in a little ghost town called Leadville. If you like mountains, snow, jokes, running, hiking, breathing, not working, video contents, etc., then you and I have a lot in common. Thanks for stopping by, and have a lovely day!

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