Promise (Freewrite)

Three months. Who would have thought three months is such a long time? She’d promised Mark she’d be here today, even if he wouldn’t make it. That was in the early days when they still had hope and Mark was still her husband. Funny how time flew by back then. Ten weeks is almost three months yet everything is a blur to her mind. Ten weeks spent in fast-forward, rushing from one doctor to another, the sessions, Mark being sick his hand turned white as he gripped on the blue toilet bowl, friends popping by to wish him well and bring him fruit when poor Mark wouldn’t touch them even before when everything was good and he still had an appetite.
They promised each other they’d celebrate this day here on their beach right before his first chemo session. There was no fear in his voice, but she could see it in his eyes, which turned away from hers. And she was grateful for that, because she didn’t want him to see the horror in her eyes. They’ll buy cold beers and drink them on the sand, with waves lapping at their feet. In the evening, after Mark fainted and fell from his chair, he made her swear she’ll be here this day, no matter what. That became his code phrase, whenever he thought of something she should do in the event…’you must do it, no matter what’.
She’d change the subject with a silly joke, those were words she could not bear hear. And she was afraid he was losing hope. How could he not lose hope when each morning when he woke up another little bit of him was gone. The last month even she shuddered when he walked into the room. The skeleton that was wearing her husband’s clothes. Sometimes she got angry and she wanted to scream at him he had no right to give up. They were supposed to be together for the rest of their lives and have three kids together. That’s what the psychic woman had promised when they walked into her booth. Barely five years ago, when they’d just met. Poor woman, what else could she say? Two foolish kids holding hands and grinning from ear to ear. Of course you’ll be happy. What else? ‘I’m afraid you’re making a terrible mistake and this bastard will die on you’. She wasn’t even thirty and she’d already been through hell.

She mustn’t think like that, not today. She’d waited so much, endless days spent doing nothing, nothing worth remembering anyway, willing the time to go faster so she could keep her promise. Her sister was so excited to hear she was finally getting a grip on her life and going away, at a time like this was the best thing she could do. See new places, meet other people. She had to bite her tongue so she wouldn’t snap and say she did not want to meet other people. She had no need nor did she care for other people. Other people can go to hell, as far as she is concerned. But then she might have guessed where she was really going and she needed to be alone today. Thank God, it’s early in the season and there’s few people around. Not on their beach, few tourists take the trouble of walking to this part of the beach even in high season. The beer tasted sour, but she tried her best to enjoy it to the last drop, as if in some absurd universe that could make Mark happy. Mark’s dead and your drinking a bloody beer doesn’t change shit. She had to walk along the beach to get rid of all the anger. It’s not how she’d pictured this day. It was supposed to be beautiful and her heart full of love. She’d promised.
She wonders whether it would be OK to look back or is it too early? She’d promised herself she won’t look back even once, she’ll just swim until she can swim no more. There’s nothing to look back at. The beach is deserted and there’s no Mark waiting for her there. If Mark is waiting for her anywhere it is on the other side. It’s so simple, if there is another side Mark will be there waiting for her. And if there isn’t, then everything is pointless anyway.
She must be very far by now, one look won’t change anything. She can hardly see the beach anymore or the place where she left her blue dress carefully folded under her white sandals. And the empty bottle. And her empty life.
She remembers that moment so vividly she can almost feel Mark’s hands squeezing her shoulders. ‘Promise me you’ll celebrate our anniversary on the beach’. And she nodded and she promised herself they’ll be together on their anniversary. No matter what.

Story written for @mariannewest's freewrite challenge. Today's prompt was: psychic! Check out her blog and join our freewrite community.

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