Habits -5minutefreewrite (x3) Comedy Open Mic Round 44

For https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/the-weekend-freewrite-1-12-2019-part-3-the-dramatic-twist

"Every aspect of your stay is designed to ensure that you leave feeling better than when you arrived," she said. He looked around him...
He saw the plush curtains. He saw the designer bed. What he didn't see was pillows.

"Ah! I see you noticing that we don't have pillows! While your first few nights might be less comfortable, by the end, you'll wonder why anyone ever started using pillows in the first place!"

"As he raised his eyebrows, she shot him a look that said, 'you're narrating out loud again. That's one of the habits we're going to break you of.'," he said.

He was entirely flummoxed about what to do with the comma in his narration, so he put it where he wanted it to go, between the end of his quotation and the end of her quotation. Once the two eyebrows he had knit were back in place, unraveled as it were, he smiled at her.

She left abruptly.

Here he was. All alone in a room designed to break him of all his habits. His good habits, too, they said. Nothing was to be habitual. He'd need to spend thought on every task, and that would make him happier... MORE MINDFUL they said, as if that was something good, unequivocally. Something

At least the spider was gone. That had not been the case when he heard the shriek overhead.

There were lots of rooms like the spider room. The spider was gone presumable because he had never had a habit of reacting to spiders. That was for someone else. And the shriek was something else in some other room. There were lots of rooms. He wasn't sure if he was being mindful or not. He'd managed to brush his teeth upside down, so as to make it a mindful experience eventually, but he still wasn't sure if that was BETTER. It probably meant that his teeth would rot from the bottom up instead. Well, nothing to be done about that now.

Worry was probably a habit. Did they know he was worrying? Were they going to break him of that somehow?

He couldn't imaging how, but then he saw it. The most beautiful sunset he could imagine. It was made entirely of naked human bodies. He didn't even realize that he'd stopped worrying until he worried that someone would judge him for being torn from his worry state of mind by the sudden presence of a sun made out of naked human bodies. They were the sun, for sure, right? He couldn't imagine anything so beautiful not being an actual sunset. But then it at last occurred to him. The sun was a giant ball of incandescent gas millions of miles away. And these were human beings. So they must not be the sun.

the heel fell off

That human who was a part of the sun mosaic was, in fact, not a human. Or at least he hoped not. Oh god, was hoping not also a habit? Was worrying about whether or not something was a habit a habit? Regardless, the artifice performed its function as the question of whether or not a human whose heel could fall off brought him back to the present moment. They were human, right? They were just beyond the window. The window with the plush curtains. He reached out and ... HISSS they all turned into snakes and slithered away.

OH GOD.

His heart stopped. That had never happened before, so it must not be a habit. He hadn't made a habit of dying, so dying was fair game. Oh god, he thought as he died. At least this is it. I have finally become one with the universe. I am mindful.

Oh no, he thought. Thinking things is a habit. Even as I die, I am indulging in yet another non-present, anti-mindful task.

I'm just the worst. And then he worried until the dying actually happened.

The end.

Except nothing is really ever the end, now is it? In fact, this is just the beginning. Because, you see, this man was in his own personal hell. He wasn't aware that all this had happened before and

I nominate @jeezzle and @ecoinstant to write funny things, too.