Day 41: 5 Minute Freewrite - Prompt: The goat ate my

Disclaimer: I use the prompt to try and think up and tell a short story at one sitting, but I don't try to stick with the 5 minute timer, in fact sometimes I take much longer than 5 minutes

Well we have had a long hard week here on the AppleJack homestead near Jasper, Alabama. Our farm is located close to where the well know actor George Lindsey grew up. You may know him better as Goober Pyle or Goober Beasley just according to when you started watching the Andy Griffith show and how long you tuned in. I’m mentioning this little known fact just so you’ll know how our billy goat got his name. He is a very friendly goat and if you’re not careful and you take your eyes off of him he tends to sneak up behind you and… well you know he is just a Billy that is very dedicated to doing his duties here on our farm and usually it’s not a big problem.

We have a lot of other animals too besides Goober and his ten wives. We have about fifteen chickens and a rooster named Jake, some Magpie ducks and a couple Canadian Geese that mostly hang out near the pond. We also have a donkey named Pete that provides our security against coyotes and there are several dogs and cats hanging around but not all of them belong to us. We do own a Dalmatian that we cleverly named Spot, and Midnight our black cat with a moon like crescent around the base of one ear. So you see we have a lot to do and take care of around here and there is always something going on.

It all started on Monday when the new Yoga instructor in town came out to take a look around. Martha Jean, my wife, had met him when she went grocery shopping, as was her usual custom every Saturday afternoon. A hand written sign on the door at the entrance of our local grocer announced that a free beginners Yoga class was being offered to employees and store customers in the storage area in the back loading dock area at 2 PM. Mrs. Henderson, the new store owner, had arranged for this professional instructor to fly down here from her hometown of New York City and give the local folks a taste of big city culture.

Having a curious mind Martha decided to check it out, and it seems that her and this Instructor really hit it off and had a lot in common. Simon Roubini it turns out was a part of the permaculture community and he was also a prepper! Though he worked in New York City he actually owned some property in Upstate New York and he was trying to get it ready for any coming disaster. Little did he know that he was about to be a part of such a disaster right here in Alabama. Naturally after having a good time in the class and talking to Simon for several minutes Martha invited him out to the homestead to see our operation in action. The date was set for Monday morning because his first real classes were starting that afternoon at his newly opened Yoga center near where the grocery store was located. Word was that Mrs. Henderson owned that small building also.

When Monday rolled around Martha and I got up before dawn and had our breakfast and then headed out to get started on our day. It wasn’t but just a few minutes before Simon came driving up in some little car that looked like it had been lopped off in the middle and the rear wheels had been moved forward. That’s not what happened of course, it was built that way on purpose but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what that purpose could possibly be. Anyway I took Simon, who was an affable fellow, on a long walk around the place explaining everything as we went. We ended up where the goats were hanging out and Simon was very interested in all aspects of raising these smart and interesting animals.

Having completed the circuit I told Simon that he was going to have to catch up with Martha, who had just completed collecting eggs, and talk to her for awhile because there were some chores that I really needed to get started on. Unexpectedly Simon volunteered to help out for a couple of hours before he would have to leave and prepare for his afternoon secession. Okay follow me I said, but because the air had warmed up considerably Simon removed his jacket and laid it over the fence before hurrying to catch up to me as I made my way toward the barn. Had I seen this little misstep I could have saved the world, and especially the folks of Jasper, a lot of problems.

We cleaned out the stalls in the barn, pitched out some fresh hay from the loft. Then we fed Pete and gave him fresh water. We then took care of the cats and dogs, and repaired a section of fence where a big limb had fell during the last storm that passed through. All the while we talked about farming and nature and he also told me about some of the things that went with life in a big city. Soon it was nearing time for Simon to head out and Martha had brought us both out a glass of freshly made iced sweet tea, the first that Simon had ever tasted.

Getting back to where we had started Simon said “hey Martha did you get my jacket?” Where did you leave it I asked? On the fence right here he said pointing to a section where we had been standing and talking earlier. Oh dear, Martha said, and we both started whistling and calling for Goober. There he is she said pointing out toward a cedar tree, he’s behind that tree. So through the gate we went and even at a distance we could see Goober grabbing sections of that jacket with his teeth while holding it steady with his front hooves and ripping it upward, chomping down fist sized sections of it at a time. By the time we arrived there was almost nothing left of the jacket, just the collar and a few shreds hanging down.

Oh no said Simon ashen faced, the goat, the goat ate my bottle of medicine! A jacket is no problem, goats have a fantastic digestive system that can handle just about anything, but this could be serious. What was it I asked, hoping that he would say Aspirin or Pepto-Bismol or something else that wouldn’t cause any great trouble. But we were shocked when Simon red faced got out the single word “Viagra”. Martha started to cry, poor Goober she said. POOR GOOBER I exclaimed very loudly, POOR EVERYTHING!!! There will be nothing safe from that amorous goat Martha, we have to get moving and lock all of the other animals up somewhere safe before it’s too late! Ta ta ta too late exclaimed Simon, it’s already too late, look as he pointed wildly in the direction of the barn! There stood Goober, breathing heavily and building up some froth around his mouth and nostrils. He was looking our way and pawing the ground like a bull in an arena. Run I said, now! We made it to the gate just in time, but that gate would not hold him for long so we ran for out tiny house.

We watched from the window for about and hour while Goober had his way with pretty much everything on the farm. Then we saw him jump up and clear the fence, well most of him cleared the fence. We have not seen Goober for about a month now, and Mr. Roubini decided to cut his trip short and head back to New York. It was quite the scandal in town and I don’t think Simon was prepared for how fast news traveled or how big a story and the rumors could grow in such a remote area of the world. Mrs. Henderson too has kept a very low profile as many of the rumors concerned her and her relationship with Simon, unfairly so I thought but the gossip was rampant.

I’ll close this out with just a quick word of warning, if you come across some half crazed Billy Goat that looks like he’s giving you the eye sometime in the next few weeks, I would stay in your car or seek shelter if I was you. I’m not altogether sure how long the effects of that drug last, but I’m very concerned that Goober will never get over it and that he will spend the rest of his life seeking just a little bit of love wherever he can find it.

Graphic by: Giphy.com

Prompt: The goat ate my
Set your timer for 5 minutes.
Start writing
Use the hashtag #freewrite
Publish your piece (include a link to this post if you wish)
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Or, if you don't want to publish your freewrite, just copy and paste as a comment under the prompt post.
If you don't know what a freewrite is, here is a link to the introduction post.

Thank you @mariannewest