What is holding you back from feeling more free?
I came across this posting this posting Freedom Challenge 2 from @sagescrub and found the question for a challenge he is holding very interesting.
What is holding you back from feeling more free?
I have only one answer for this. ME. I am what is holding myself back from feeling more free. When all is said and done, with all my 'diagnoses' my answer is still ME. Yes, years of abuse by my father and ex-husband (mostly psychological) Had changed me so much I lost who I was, what I wanted out of life, the pure definition of ME.
I have studied my different 'conditions' trying to educate myself to learn and move beyond being 'labeled.' That fear of retaliation and failing, not being good enough has always stayed with me. At work I tend to be an overachiever (being THE BEST) at what I do thinking it will make me feel better, take away the stress and the worry. It doesn't. It puts more on me. One of the worst feelings in the world is walking into work everyday asking yourself 'Is today they day they fire me?' Or everyone is an uproar over something being wrong and the first words out of your mouth are 'Did I do it?' I have more or less become a prisoner of my own mind.
Logically, I know that most things are not my fault. I accept responsibility for what is. I know I am in control of my life, my thoughts. However, reprogramming your mind is HARD. My job, and lack of pay and so forth is not what defines me. It is my actions that define me. I want so badly to succeed at something, I sabotage myself because I start listening to what has been beat into my head. 'You're worthless.' 'You're always going to be stuck in dead end jobs, why do you even try?' 'You're not smart enough.' 'You're just a dumb blonde.' 'You're fat and lazy.' 'People like you don't deserve to succeed.' 'You always start something but never finish it' and the ever popular 'Why try it's just going to disappoint you in the end.'
I try to fill my mind with positive thoughts and surround myself with people that care about me and support me. If you read any of my posts on coping, self love and so forth. The one thing I keep saying is BABY STEPS. If you only look at the big steps you take, when you have a minor setback, your setback is actually further. If you congratulate yourself even on the small tasks such as: I made it a day at work without getting angry. Or I went shopping and did not have ill feelings give yourself the proverbial pat on the back, so when you do have a bad or off day that setback will not 'damage' you. You change the thought. Accept this moment in time for what it is and keep moving forward. Tomorrow will be better. (Yes easier said than done.)
My ultimate goal is to free myself mind, body and soul. There is no timeframe I have as long as I need.
If you want share your thoughts and feelings on this subject please click the link up to for Freedom Challenge 2.
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STOPHey @tryskele, thank you for entering the #freedomchallenge! My heart goes out to you for what you had to endure. It is incredibly inspiring to see your fighting spirit and doing the hard work of improving yourself despite the challenges. Your post is actually quite timely for me with some challenges I am facing in my life. Thank you for sharing and for choosing love!
You are most welcome. I am finding out not being afraid to talk about what I have been through and going through. Helps immensely. I wouldn't talk about issues because I didn't want to be pitied or anyone accusing me of wanting to be pitied.
I am looking forward to future challenges !! Again thank you for doing this.
Good for you getting past your fears and comfort zones. That is very inspiring!
I not sure about you but sometimes the more I try not to think about something, the worst it may become. I feel that when we don't try so hard but learn to relax and look on the bright side of things, we will feel better. Really hope steemit can be a venue for you to focus your attention and have a great experience!
It goes both ways for me actually. When I am already caught in my thoughts I have to try to break the negative pattern. Most of the time, I have to actually change my activity and give my brain a break, so I color or paint. Steemit has actually helped. I have found a new way to express myself and try to help others. I went so long without the right kind of treatment that now I want to make sure no one goes through what I went through.
It is difficult to change your thoughts, oh I know! It is soooo worth it though, and soon enough those nasty thoughts lose all their power over you. When I was depressed I forced myself to tell myself that it was going to be a good day and that I am loved, and eventually I started to believe it! Honestly, encounters with magic mushrooms also opened my mind and allowed me to re-wire a lot. There are studies that show they are effective for depression! Probably PTSD too!
I sure hope that you succeed in your goal to be free, I know you can do it!
They go hand in hand actually. I was originally diagnosed with Major Depression. Then the doctors kept throwing diagnoses on me and the most recent being PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and Bipolar 1. Which can for all intents and purpose be grouped under PTSD. I just have to take each day as it comes and not beat myself up over a bad day. Like with most issues, I have to accept it and move on. Change my thought pattern to keep the positive vibes going. As one doctor put it, it took me 40 yrs to get here, it isn't going to change overnight. The changes I have made in the past year alone I am extremely happy with. Last year there was no way I could be on a forum like this talking openly about this. It's nice to be able to and get support. Magic mushrooms huh? I can't do pot maybe that might work hehe.