My Entry for Finish The Story Contest - Week #52!

in #finishthestory5 years ago

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This contest is a lot of fun to take part in so make sure you check it out. I had been so busy I have missed a few weeks. But I am glad to be back. Only 2 days left to enter but you can read some and vote for the best to help us all out. To vote you look for a comment on the post asking for votes and reply. This week was hard to stay under 500 words. I was at 900 when I was done with my first draft. I had to edit a lot of it out but I hope you enjoy.

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Pointy Eyes Shine In The Dark
by @f3nix

"Auntie Masha‘ n the God’s Mistakes / every day on FRINGE -FM! / We will lure them, interview them / fun and tortures never end! "

The radio anchor's words glide over the frantic notes of the jingle like an old rusted Cessna.

"We're still here! I know, my lobotomized listeners, you too are amazed that your beloved auntie is still broadcasting on the frequencies of... "

"Stop with the preambles, old wino!" The voices of the three God's Mistakes recall a misplaced cross between Smeagol and the Chipmunks. In the studio, plastered with purple sound-proofing cones, the three animated puppets stare at Masha with lusty and murderous eyes. In a quick flash, the radio host instinctively thinks about the many crossroads of her life.

"Let's all welcome the most annoying and useless voices in the whole history of radio broadcasting from Edison to nowadays. Don't interrupt me, at least not at the beginning of the program, damn puppets..."

"...Cursed the stoned producer who wanted you," the host adds a quick note in her mind.

"Hey granny, we are co-hosts, not voices.” The felt creatures stand assertively.

"As we said, my bizarre radio listeners, here we are at our usual appointment with Masha's spicey interviews. Today we have an exceptional guest who certainly does not need introductions: directly from Berlin, Kurt Kükenvernichter, the one who returned metal music to the wide public. You know, Kurt, that auntie won't allow you to exit this studio without you having confessed at least some sordid and succulent secret.” The presenter begins to press. "For starters, we want to know how you managed to convert post-millennials around the world to your music."

Meanwhile, it seems that Kurt has decided to ignore the presentation. The round sound of his flask's stopper popping is not even captured by the microphone that already the singer has gulped down a sip of grog, dark and thick like tar. He slowly approaches the loudspeaker and greets his fans - especially the female ones - with a bronze baritone voice.

"Anyway, I never converted anyone. In these shitty times, I saw an empty throne and sat there."

"Aha. Sure. On thrones, photos of you collapsed on a toilet have been leaked from the net in the last few days. It is said to have been an exclusive party in Miami. Not exactly an image in line with the Kurt we all know. Do you want to deny or give us some clarification?” If radio frequencies could take shape, listeners would now see a scythe.

"They are all ... I was saying ... hhhhh ... it's all a pathetic charade!" The shrill voice of a clown who sniffed early-morning helium extrudes from the singer's throat as from an occluded sphincter.

"What the fuck was that?" Auntie Masha leaps in shock from the chair. The God’s Mistake for once are silent, overwhelmed by a more absurd voice than theirs and looking at each other with lost pointy eyes.

Time is strange on radio and silence represents an abomination against nature. Five interminable seconds pass before the host manages to recover and decides to send the advertisement break. Kurt has already thrown himself out of the studio, making shrill desperate blows. In fading out, a coarse puppet's laugh resounds.

In the loft, the thick curtains are still those of the old printing works. The late rays of the sun filter through the large dirty windows together with the sounds of the offices being emptied. A man wrapped in black leather and studs is spread on a padded velvet chaise long while, at the end of the room, another figure sits composed giving him his back.

"You see, Doctor, my voice is everything, why did it start to betray me? I can't understand what's happening to me. I feel violated by a dark and perverse part of myself. Under this thick layer of metal, there is a sensitive heart and I don't think I can stand this anymore."

As he confesses, Kurt hears a little music coming from behind the back of the chair. It looks like something already heard.

"Doctor?"

"Isn't this riff I just invented beautiful?" Asks the therapist to the air with a gloating triumph note in his voice. Kurt pokes his head out and sees him fiddling with a tiny electric ukulele.

"Actually I think it's Smoke On The Water, Doc."

The chair snaps in a flash of lightning.
"Kurt, I have the solution but it won't be easy and requires your blind trust in me." Dr. Machete smiles as a strange light moves through his eyes. Struck by dusty beams of light, he looks like a sly Cheshire Cat.

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My Ending

“Doc, do what you have to.”

Dr. Machete hands Kurt a pill. Then he swallows one and falls to the floor. Kurt looks down at the pill in his hand. “Blind Trust”. Kurt takes the pill, things go black.

The doctor’s assistant comes into the room and moves both of them. There is a machine in the new room and she attaches it to their heads.

Kurt’s mind comes to life. He is sitting in a room with an empty table in front of him. Dr. Machete walks in.

“I am glad you took the pill. We are both connected to a machine I have been working on to unlock the secrets of the mind. I am going to take you to find that part inside you that betrays your voice. Then you can embrace your sensitive heart or destroy it.”

“I need you to try and let in the feels that betray you.”

Kurt closed his eyes and tried it hit him at last. A smile came to his lips. He let out in a squeak “Found it”

“Open your eyes”

Kurt looked around he was outside a perfect looking house in a nice neighborhood. He was home. A home he had almost forgotten about. The perfect little home where he had been the perfect little boy until he found Metal.

“It’s my childhood home.”

“This place with flowers and birds singing. This is the home of Kurt the God of Metal. How can it be? Is that your mom taking the extra care to cut the crust off your sandwich.”

“I am a fake….I had it so good and found a way to fake the anger.”

“Are you sure Kurt? Think of that anger let it grow in you”

Kurt pictured his first show. He was so angry that day. When he opened his eyes the house looked differently broken.

“I don’t see your Dad around? Your mom didn’t even talk to you when she gave you lunch.

“He always worked. All she did was watch TV. I grew so tired of fake hugs. TIRED OF FAKE LOVE.”

“There is that voice, so which one is real, Kurt?”

The Doctor walked over to Kurt and handed him a can of gas and a matchbook.

“You are going to have to decide. Was it a perfect home or a broken one? Close your eyes again find what is real.”

Kurt shut his eyes and let his heart take control. He opened his eyes and saw the perfect house in front of him.

“I guess you did have it good.”

“No, I made a choice and I am going to forget this.”

Kurt poured gas all over the house. He started the fire and watched. He heard the screams of the memories inside as they burned away.

“What have your done Kurt?

“What I had to doctor”

Kurt woke up. He felt different something was missing.

“Did it work doctor?” His bronze baritone voice was back.

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What a great story - couldn't help smiling from time to time - good luck on that contest :)

Why don't you join our community? You look like a very switched on and creative person. The discord link is under the flag ✌️😎

Ooo i love the line you walk in this one! The use of accessing memories through a pill and a machine instead of hypnosis etc gives it a much more scientific feel, with a touch of Scientology & their thetan's, both in the machine and the power dynamic between Kurt and Machete. Machete steers him so well, the pill was aptly named. The way Machete remarks on the childhood home, echoing Kurts own feelings, it does feel like he was setting Kurt up to make this choice.

The story you chose to tell here is a very good one, and has so much depth to it. Confronting the self, so many people twist their own memories to get them through what they need to, and that internal dilemma of not knowing who the real him is any more because of it.

I adore that when confronted with the two possible pasts, he chooses what he needed it to have been, not what it was. Which i think maybe we all do. We look back at our lives not through the lens of what really happen, but what we needed to have happened. We can focus on either side, and shift it in our mind, it could have been both, there could have been good days, and bad days, things could have changed over time. You give Kurt a very relatable choice. It's easier to burn it all, let the flames of fury cauterize it all and not feel anymore. A powerful story that really made me think about myself.

And damn you steve! Posting this just after the deadline (but i know they are super lenient on that and chances are people will get away with it all the way up to the results coming up) but I had to go back and change my vote, cos this story is just, fantastic.

Wow thank you a lot for saying all that. You have an amazing way of getting into my head. I am really glad all that came through. Sorry about being late.

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Very clever and original take. A trip inside Kurt's inner world to regain his authenticity and solve his unconscious conflicts. It's true, a lot of unsolved matters come from the family. The perfect family doesn't exist and beneath that apparent perfection, there was just emptiness. It's always a pleasure to read you when you can participate in the contest!

Thank you for taking the time to read it and give me some kind words. You are right on the point that perfect families don't exist. We all should remember that.

You're welcome, my friend.

- Memories -


They say you should run
far, far, away from them;
burn it all down in a fury
of fire and catharsis now!

But what’s the point to run
and run away from them if
they come back from there
and begin haunting again!

They say "burn, burn, burn!"
But ain’t nobody gonna heal
like that, fires only work in the
forests for it provides nutrients!

So own up to the memories,
take the Leap of Faith to now
and conquer the dæmons which
now resides in your big brain there!~

Yes, that is another good take. If continued maybe they would return and his voice would crack again.

I'm so glad that you found time to write this fantastic ending, Steve! Using the 'blind faith' pill to show Kurt's willingness to do anything to regain his voice works both for the plot and symbolically. With it, he's giving Dr. Machete the trust and power to help him. Then you bring in my favorite sci-fi element of this round, the machine. Giving Doc the ability to actually delve into Kurt's mind and see those memories for himself was highly creative, well done.

You give the readers a peek at the formation of the 'God of Metal', from a happy child in a loving home to one that grows sick of artificial pretenses as his family life deteriorates. Resentment and rage build inside him and he comes to grip with why his baritone voice has abandoned him.

Your ending with his moment of choice, deciding to eradicate those memories was so powerful, both in his resolve and as an ending for this story. Now bereft of those happier memories, that feeling of something 'missing' will remain. A high price for the return of his voice but one he was willing to pay.

~Bris

Ya, I really got going into this. I am really glad a lot of you like the turns I made with it. I am going to try to get back into writing more as I really enjoy it. I have to say I was letting some of my contest work get in the way.

There's still 3 hours left to cast your votes for your favorite story in Finish the Story Contest's 53rd edition brave storyteller! Three votes are needed to activate the popular vote category prizes and our potassium deity would love to bestow the enhanced blessings upon one of the writers in our fintastical tribe!

Have a terrific day and happy Steeming! 😎

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