#FiftyWords: Patched Smaller (Micro-fiction)
Can you keep loving after a heart break?
Salam (Peace)
I wanted to take part in this week #fiftywords since I read @ablaze story of the last prompt. I wanted to write "Something that would make me feel like that." Thanks again to @jayna who manages this challenge, the prompt this time is "Break." It's one of the themes I love actually. So, here we go:
Patched Smaller
He wiped away his tears and stared down, as if collecting the pieces of his broken heart. With every piece he reclaimed, another was left behind.
Not able to return.A smaller heart, with less room to let people in.
He knew however, they couldn't dam his river of love.[The End]
I choose to make the story about "Heart Break" or more specifcly "Pieces of a Broken Heart." Before I got the result I'm proud of, I rewrote this story three times, the only part left unchanged was the idea and the first sentence. But I'm glad I did.
I read somewhere (maybe years ago) about how to deal with failure and heart breaks, and it was something like "Only when you see your heart in pieces, and lose everything. You start collecting these pieces, keeping only the important ones and let go of the negative pieces. That's the moment where you know the things you really care about."
I wanted to write a story that convinces that, and the feeling of "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." which is one of my favorite quotes... If you felt that while reading the story above I'll consider it a success.
What are your thoughts?
I'm waiting for your comments.
A great story @ahmadmanga and thanks for the insight into the story as well, it gives great perspective. I am very happy that my story from last week encouraged you to take part. You have a very nice writing style..
I especially liked the last line "they couldn't dam his river of love"
Thanks for reading and for writing that story...
My end result was a very different feel, but I wanted a strong last line because I read from yours: "she put down the onion." I figured out, if I could make the last line strong all the story will be better.
Thanks very much... Very good point about the last line, with only 50 words, you want to leave the reader with something unexpected or profound at the end I feel.. You certainly accomplished that here.. Well done
Lovely story, @ahmadmanga. You’ve created some very striking imagery around the idea of a broken heart, in the literal sense. That rewrite process you described is essential for crafting those previous 50 words into an art form. Nice work!
Beautiful. In time, maybe, the heart will recover and reclaim those lost bits of love. Or another will find those lost bits -- maybe sweep them up in their arms, and carry them back to the dispossessed.
I hope so.
I hope so too...
I haven't thought of the possibility that his missing parts of heart can be found by another person, great insight in your comment.
By the way, I just posted an eBook containing this story and my other fiftyword entries if you'd like to read that.
Loved the story @ahmadmanga. Yet the quote about strength, reminded me a lot of the original quote. That being Nietzsche’s “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger” quote. And the story elegantly reflects that just like how Nietzsche made his aphorism. Resteem’d btw.
The original quote is what I was trying to say there, but I forgot it... Well, now I'll try not to, the next time.
No, no. I just wanted to say it reminded me of the very original quote. The popular phrasing is still right, just wanted people to know this quote existed.
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Can't believe I gave the bot the wrong link to upvote...
Oh, well... I can still live with that. :Sweat_Smile: