"Dooooon't....Shit on the porch." Old man Bob groaned a little too audibly than prudent. Quickly he ducked back down below the window and tried to stay out of sight, peeking from the corner of his upstairs bedroom at the spectacle below.
The damned thing was down there on his front porch again. He was sure of it. He could see its hairy knees and feet sticking out from under the porch eaves.
This was the second time this week the creature had laid a steaming pile on his door mat. The grotesque thing obviously protesting his moving in to the long uninhabited cottage house. The realtor conveniently left out the mentioning of the unique wildlife found out in the backwoods of Anderson County.
The blasted thing had all these woods and thick scrub of upstate South Carolina to its self. But for some reason took exception to his arrival in this tiny meagre home he'd bought.
Between the slaps on the side of the house at 2am, the stealing of any item he left outside to now the using of his door mat as a latrine, the infernal beast was terrorising him and his wife for the sheer pleasure of it.
This was not how they envisioned their retirement years. All they wanted was a simple home out in the country side and some peace and quiet.
And he knew it wasn't just one of them around. There was a damned troop of them sum'bitches living out there by the creek. He'd seen them. The big one at least nine foot tall and responsible for moving his truck one afternoon. Bastard did it in broad daylight. Dragged the old Dodge to the end of the dirt driveway as if to say 'take your shitty car and leave.' Bob hadn't even bothered to call the insurance company regarding the now bent and twisted rear fender where the vile thing had grabbed it. How would he even explain it to the adjuster anyways?
And the juveniles, at least he thought they were, just the other day took all of his gardening rakes and tools and threw them up in the trees. He didn't have a ladder tall enough to get them down. And they knew it too. Bob remembered them grinning and hooting at him when he shook his fist in the air as they scampered off with his favourite shovel. Their whooping and hoots, at his expense, their form of laughter he supposed.
'Fuck. I think it heard me...Shit!' Bob thought as he ducked down again hoping the smelly abomination didn't notice his outburst or figure out what window he was hiding in.
Bob whimpered and listened. He could hear it walking around on the wooden deck of the porch somewhere down there. The deep thuds of each step shaking the house.
He was terrified of them attempting to enter the house. He always kept the doors and windows locked. Not that a simple wooden door would stop a thousand pound animal if it wanted in. He knew it was only a matter of time before that happened. There was a refrigerator full of food to be plundered after all.
His wife was downstairs and easy pickings. She sat in the rocking chair by the living room window ignorant of just about everything that went on around her. Blissfully bobbing her head to the music in her headphones all day smiling. She'd gone batty from dementia years ago and was a hassle on her best days. But he couldn't care if they nabbed her and ran off. They'd be doing him a favour taking her of his hands.
Still things were getting out of hand. Tomorrow he will call the expert. He promised himself. He will take care of the fowl monsters for him.
The thing was still walking around down there. He could feel it. What was it doing? Bob crept closer to the window hoping to find out.
Where is it? He thought as he peered out the window struggling to spot the defiling intruder.
Recoiling Bob fell backwards onto the floor and looked on towards the window in horror. Oozing down the window was at least a pound of brown sasquatch surprise. A parting gift for Bob.
The forest erupted in a chorus of whooping and howls as Bob sat on the floor, his face buried in his hands weeping in despair.
Will Bob ever make peace with his new neighbours?
Will the expert be able to chase off the creatures?
Will they abduct Bobs wife and take her with them into the forest as their human pet?
Stay tuned for chapter 2 to find out!!!
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