Unconditional (Micro Flash)
Bri leaned against the tree--its shade a relief from sunlight.
After the violence his father inflicted on her, would she ever love this child?
Sudden, tingling warmth flowed from under her fingers where they rested on her abdomen. It was too soon for kicking. But he was there.
Her son.
![](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/http://www.jasminearch.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Blue-and-Yellow-Fitness-Gym-For-Men-Masculine-themes-Twitter-Post-1024x512.png)
Original image, courtesy of Davey Heuser via Unsplash.com
Well, I wrote another one. A fifty word story, that is. This one didn't come quite as easily as the previous two. It took me about 6 rounds of editing to prune it down to its current form.
My friends and I have taken to live-editing these stories. We look at them together, comment, tweak, and look for solutions--contemplating the placement of every word with the precision of a surgeon.
A newer version is shared, and we do it all over again, offering alternatives and possible solutions to remove or add that one word that stands between the writer and that elusive word count of exactly fifty.
We encourage each other, root for each other and share in both the birthing pangs and the joy of each and every creation.
They're a great exercise for any writer. When each and every word is precious, a bite out of your budget, precision suddenly becomes important, and a word will be substituted time and time again, until the writer finds exactly the right nuance he needs to convey his story in the space of a single breath.
Only today, my friend Anike remarked on how a single word can matter so much--change so much, when you only have so few of them to spare. But really, it doesn't matter how large your allotted budget is. A single word can always make that difference. We just don't pay as much attention to it.
I guess it's the difference between a set of fine marten-hair brushes and palette knives, and a paint roller. When we want to cover a large surface, we tend to prefer the paint roller but in doing so, we lose some of that precision.
That's why I keep writing these, despite having very limited writing time. They help me keep my precision skills on point, both in writing them myself and in helping to edit those of my friends.
As an extra benefit, my fifty word stories have begun to help me explore the characters of my works in progress. This time, I got better acquainted with Bri, the protagonist of a fantasy novel I'm working on--as yet untitled, but referred to as The Brennpunkt Project.
I strongly begin to suspect the entire story will not fit into one book, but let's get to the end of the current book before dreaming of the next, shall we?
Huge thanks are owed to R. Jean Bell, Anike Kirsten, @alheath and AJ Savage for helping me polish this miniature story into its current, tight form. It was great fun, as always.
Hugs
Jasmine
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://www.jasminearch.com/index.php/2018/07/18/unconditional-micro-flash/
Lovely story, @jasminearch! I love how you've captured a specific turning point in the main character's life. She can leave the past behind and focus on a new beginning, in multiple ways.
I also loved reading about your peer editing method. It sounds like a wonderfully creative process, and a great way to use collective talent for a much more refined result than you may have achieved on your own. Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure other Fifty Worders will be inspired!
Thanks, @jayna!
And thanks for hosting the challenge. Really struggling for writing time this week so might skip this time around.
You are quite welcome, @jasminearch. I hope you do find the time. I love your work!
Heartwarming micro story, @jasminearch. No doubt you put some love in editing it.
The scene is quite vivid. Loved it.
I had reading this violence coming from her father totally different and for a second I'd thought about sexual violence and incest. But then I studied the correlative and found the semantics working against that thesis. Crazy, huh?!
Forgive my dark thoughts. Wonderful write! ☻♥
(Coming back to upvote when my hurt VP bumps up in a couple of days.)
Well, it's a rather dark scene. The violence was inflicted by the baby's father, not Bri's. But the fun thing about these stories is the fact that they leave room for different interpretations!
"His"father, Right! That changes things for me! Thanks ☻ I've read "her" father. Different picture. Tough whatsoever.
Nice story; bittersweet☻
It's such a strong moment you chose and it turned out beautifully. Loved the first version but this one is so much more powerful.
Thank you so much!
hugs
✅ @jasminearch, enjoy the vote!
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I too misread and thought it was HER father at first - makes much more sense as the baby's father!
This is the process with a new baby that many people really don't understand if they haven't been there: we're designed to protect that baby from when we first find out about them. We can overcome the design by various methods, but it's our basic nature.
Haha, oops. 50 words is really tight and I only had the one word to denote who's father was the bad guy. Easy to misread I guess.
Hey, I'm impressed with the brevity. That's my biggest challenge in writing anything - apparently I'm not naturally gifted with the soul of wit.