I Was Stunned

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ME
(Present day)

I was stunned.

I sat back...stroked the cat and drank some (more) whisky. The cat hissed and scratched me some. Nothing serious. If you are owned by a cat you get scratched. That’s the way it is.

Leave this miserable dirt-ball? Billions of potential habitats? An asteroid for my very own?

Oh please.

Ever since JFK screwed the pooch....and then Nixon shot it dead...I’ve been pissed off. I’ve seen the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey a few times. Every time I saw it I felt cheated. Where was my space station? Where was Tycho Under?

“You have my undivided attention” I said .”Ummm by the way. Just where ARE you anyway? It’s got to be close...no speed of light lag..”

“VERY GOOD” she said again, in THAT tone of voice, that made ME feel REAL GOOD.

“You’re a very bright boy.” She said. "I’m in heaven.”

“Huh?” I responded brilliantly..

“Ok...not the mythical not-very-well-defined-everyone-sitting-on-clouds-playing-harps heaven. It’s what I call my asteroid.” she said "Have you heard of co-orbital asteroids?”

“Um...yeah.” I said "Er...I mean... no. I think I’ve heard of something called a corkscrew satellite?”

“Excellent!” she made me feel THAT way again she was a master at manipulating me. "Well guess what?”

“Um..what?” I asked brilliantly.

“There are more than one of them. In fact there are quiet a few.” she said. "Some, one in particular, is closer to earth than Luna.”

“How come we can’t see them” I asked.

“Camouflage” she said. "We’ve been doing this for a lot of years. Hundred of centuries actually. We’re experts at it. Most of our habitats are camouflaged. The quasi-sat that I am in right now is covered with RAM that is blacker than soot .”

“Ram? Random Access Memory?” I asked. I’m not so good with acronyms.

“That too, but this RAM means Radar Absorbent Material” she said. “No only that, but the RAM is densely embedded with cameras and video emitters. The cameras pickup incoming spectra from one side then it is routed to the emitters on the opposite side. In other words the satellite doesn’t occlude what’s behind it. It’s effectively invisible.... VERY stealthy. You’d be amazed at how close you’d have to come to be able to see it. I don’t know how many times I’ve watched your cute little space station go by. Neither the occupants OR Houston had any clue that I was there.”

“Wow” I said.”So how am I going to get up there? Rockets?”

“Naw..... Rockets are wrong”she said. "I’ll throw you a rope.”

I was stunned. I sat there looking at her. A rope? Could it be...I mean.

“A space elevator?” I breathed. "but...but...the Tower of .....”

giggle

“Baw-Bell....”. She said. "That’s why we had to stop doing that a while back. I just told you the story about it. Shirley you haven’t forgotten already?”

“Well of course not, and don’t call me Shirley” I replied with fake indignation and a grin. "Huh...that brings back an old memory. Actually I got kicked out of Sunday school over it. In fact I got kicked out quite a few times.”

“I bet it was for asking too many of the wrong kind of questions” she grinned at me.

“Well yeah...” I admitted "How did you know?”

“You’re that kind of guy” she smirked.

I blushed.

“So what happened?” I asked

“Beyond what I told you is another long story.” she replied "Many, many stories actually. Baw-Baal wasn’t the only one. The story about Jacob’s Ladder is further distortion about what actually happened...talk about TWISTED. I’ll tell you what actually happened some other time. You may have heard of Elijah ?”

“Yeah?” I said.

“Well that was us too.” She replied smugly. "Not me personally, you understand. Someone else was on EarthWatch at the time. You may have heard of the wheels within wheels stuff?”

“Well yeah.” I replied with a grimace "As a matter of fact I....”

“Got thrown out of Sunday school over that one too” she interrupted.

“Well yeah.” I admitted. "_ I suggested it might be UFO’s I’d just finished reading ‘Ancient Astronauts’ or some such written by a Dutch guy I think .....But..but..but.._”

“You sound like an old ‘Johnny Popper’ John Deere.” She giggled.

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