Exquisite Corpse: "Get Off My Farm, Punk!” - Chapter 8B

Hello everyone! Welcome to part 8B (9?) of the "Get Off My Farm Punk" Exquisite Corpse, started by @blockurator. Boy, there are still a lot of loose ends to tie up... this ending is going to require a part 3. So this installment is not quite the end of the story. But we're getting close!

Here are parts 1 through 8, followed by my entry for today, part 8B/9. Enjoy!

Chapter 1 by @blockurator
https://steemit.com/fiction/@blockurator/exquisite-corpse-2-get-off-my-farm-punk-a72c9a1a217a2est

Chapter 2 by @sarez
https://steemit.com/fiction/@sarez/get-off-my-farm-punk-part-2-serial-short-story

Chapter 3 by @quillfire
https://steemit.com/writing/@quillfire/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-3-the-genre-shakespeare-refused-to-write

Chapter 4 by @ireenchew
https://steemit.com/steemitbloggers/@ireenchew/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-four-4f2f1c1f17815est

Chapter 5 by @fromage
https://steemit.com/fiction/@fromage/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-five

Chapter 6 by @dranuvar
https://steemit.com/writing/@dranuvar/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-six

Chapter 7 by @blueteddy
https://steemit.com/fiction/@blueteddy/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-seven

Chapter 8 by yours truly
https://steemit.com/fiction/@bennettitalia/exquisite-corpse-get-off-my-farm-punk-chapter-eight

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Here is where Part 8 ended:

Quetzalcoatl laughed. It was a deep, terrifying laugh. His eyes were on fire. "You won't survive..."

Tezcatlipoca just leaned back in his chair again, eyeing Quetzal with amusement. "Yes, please tell me. Survive?", he murmured.

"You won't survive..." Quetzalcoatl's voice faltered. He looked over at Cihuacoatl, only to see that she was already asleep, nestled in the soft ocean of her hair. Fromage, in the next chair over, was snoring softly. "You won't survive... Survive... this..."

Quetzal's eyelids were way too heavy. The room began to spin. He shifted his gaze to Tezcatlipoca. "You..." he said. "you... you drug..."

And from there it was only a short slide into oblivion.

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Boots. That was the sound. It was the sound of bootheels clicking on cobblestones. And it fucking sucked.

Owwwwww.... Make it stop...

Quetzalcoatl managed to pry his eyes open just wide enough to see a lot of blurry gray stuff. And a few black things. And some tall, colorful oblong blobs moving about. And a small, unnecessarily animated brown thing off to one side.

Ah. Well I'm glad that's settled, he thought., letting his eyelids shudder to a close again. He raised one hand to rub his face. Ugh. His skin felt like rubber.

Somebody groaned, close by, off to his left. He wondered if maybe he should have been curious about that, but he'd already opened his eyes once, and it had been a tricky maneuver. He refused to try it a second time. Whoever it was, he hoped they wouldn't do it again.

"Quetzal" a voice slurred in his right ear. "Where are we?"

Conversation beyond him at the moment, so he didn't even try to answer. Instead he let his right hand drift over in the general direction of the sound, until it made contact with what felt like somebody's nose. Then he pushed.

"HEY!" the voice yelped.

"S'okay." Quetzal responded, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone of voice. "S'okay. Relax."

Something wet was tickling his other hand. He opened one eye cautiously. It was the small animated brown thing.

Oh. A dog. Licking him.

He blinked, looked around. He was lying sprawled out at the edge of a busy cobblestoned street, Fromage off to his left, Cihuacoatl to his right. The pedestrians of this busy thoroughfare were dressed in elaborate layers of clothing. He recognized the style. They were in Victorian England.

Quetzal shook himself, tried to stand, lurched slightly, and almost stumbled into the path of a horse and carriage. He dropped back to the cobblestones, put his head in his hands, and sat there, rocking back and forth. "We have to go", he moaned.

"Uh-uh", Fromage muttered, his voice hoarse. "No way. No."

Quetzalcoatl didn't have the wherewithal to put the puny human in his place this time. His whole body hurt. "C'mon", he mumbled instead, forcing himself to his feet, and reaching out a hand to help Cihuacoatl to hers. She took it, but shot him a dirty look as he pulled her up. It must've been her nose he'd pushed. "Sorry about your nose Cihua", he said lamely, patting her on the head.

She glared at him. Then she raised a hand to her forehead, wincing, as if the effort of glaring had been too much. She was weaving a little bit too... was she about to fall over? No, she was okay. Steady. Steady girl... Nope. She was going down. Quetzal grabbed her and held her up, almost knocking himself over in the process. "S'okay", she slurred, waving him away ineffectually, and poking him in the eye with one of her fingers by accident. "M'fine".

Fromage shook his head. "None of us are fine", he protested, scrambling shakily to his feet. "What the hell just happened?"

Cihua pushed Quetzal away in order to try standing on her own two feet again, found that she could just about manage it, and turned to face the human. "Tezca", she said. "Tezca happened."

"Tezca betrayed us", Quetzalcoatl gritted, his hands clenching into fists.

"No. Not betrayed us", Cihua corrected him. "If he'd wanted to betray us, we wouldn't have awoken at all." She winced again. "Although maybe that would have been preferable... No, our interests simply don't coincide with his. In fact, they run counter to them. So he dispatched us to a place where we would be unable to interfere. Unable to bring the old ways back..."

"I guess so", Quetzalcoatl conceded grudgingly. "But this place is not safe. We need to leave now."

Cihuacoatl gave him a quick, searching look, then nodded. "Ok, I believe you. Let's get away first, in that case. Explanations can wait 'til later."

But making their getaway was a more laborious process than anticipated. Whatever Tezcatlipoca had used to drug them packed a wicked punch, and the resulting hangover slowed all three of them down considerably. Quetzal fussily tried to hurry the other two along, but the truth was that he could hardly move any faster himself. "Almost there", he breathed at last, as they approached the street corner at the end of the block, "Just turn here... oh no."

A stunningly beautiful human girl in an emerald green dress was running toward them, her cheeks flushed with excitement. "Quetzal!", she called. "Oh Quetz, is it really you?" She threw herself into his arms, and he whirled her around once before setting her back on her feet. She held on to him, murmuring in his ear: "I'm so glad you're back... I thought I'd never see you again!" Despite the twirl, or maybe because of it, Quetzal's eyes were wide with something like panic. The girl drew back slightly, just enough to look at his face. "You look different, but I'd recognize you anywhere. Those golden eyes of yours... Do you remember that night in the park? It was when Jack the Ripper was still about, murdering girls right and left. What a ghastly affair that was! It was terrifying to be out at night, even with an escort. But I felt completely safe with you. And then you..."

A low hiss from Cihuacoatl interrupted her. Quetzal hastily pushed the girl away, his face pale. He cleared his throat. "Miss Lightwood, this is the goddess Cihuacoatl. Cihuacoatl, this is Miss Clarissa Lightwood."

Cihua raised her eyebrows haughtily, but all she said in response was "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Lightwood."

Clarissa nodded and smiled. "And I, yours, Miss Cihuacoatl. Any friend of Quet..." But she cut herself short, at the prompting of Fromage, who was standing behind Cihua drawing a finger across his throat, and grimacing and shaking his head vigorously at her. "I mean... I've heard so very much about you! It is an honor to finally meet you in person."

Cihua nodded graciously, and Clarissa turned back to Quetzalcoatl. "What about Ebenezer?" she asked breathlessly, "Were you able to retrieve him? Where is he, I want to see him!"

Quetzalcoatl shook his head sadly. "Alas", he replied, "That endeavor turned out to be... complicated. On a variety of levels."

Cihua snorted derisively (at which Quetzalcoatl startled), but she didn't say anything.

Clarissa looked crestfallen. Her large eyes, glistening now with imminent tears, remained fixed on Quetzalcoatl. "We can't just leave him there", she pleaded. "We have to rescue him! We must speak with my grandmother at once. She'll be able to help us".

"And what will she be able to do?" Cihuacoatl asked cannily.

Clarissa turned to her. "My grandmother is an occultist, very well respected and famous in all the best social circles. In London, and in the country as well. She's the one who summoned Quetzal to help us when she first divined that Ebenezer had been abducted, and by whom. She has ways of getting to the infernal regions. There are secret entrances, even here in London..."

Cihua's eyes lit up. This was their chance! If they could get to Prince Asmodeus, they could put their plan into effect, with or without Tezcatlipoca's blessing. She smiled woodenly at Quetzalcoatl. "Yes", she pronounced, "I think Miss Lightwood is correct. We need to help that poor boy!"

Quetzalcoatl looked miserable, but what could he say? He nodded, and the three of them followed Clarissa back up the street, to an elegantly appointed four story building.

Grandmother Lightwood's reputation turned out to be well deserved: the old dame was remarkably well-informed (although, as with any mortal occultist, a great deal of this was misinformation) when it came to matters supernatural. But what she knew she knew, and she was happy to share it with them, along with an admonition to do their best to rescue her beloved grandson. By evening they were sneaking onto the grounds of Buckingham Palace, cloaked by a spell of invisibility that Cihua had picked up somewhere. They walked past guards, servants, and royals, following Lightwood's directions, without attracting any attention whatsoever, and after several wrong turns, one or two arguments, and a coin toss or two, finally found what they were looking for.

In one of the royal bedchambers there happened to be a set of bookshelves that opened, if a specific "book" was pulled from their shelves, to reveal a secret passageway. The passage was cramped, and dark, and smelled vaguely of brimstone. Faintly, as if from a great distance, bone-chilling screams could be heard. Cihua removed the invisibility spell and looked around at the rest of them. "Yep", she said. "This is definitely it." They nodded soberly and followed her into the secret passage, pulling the bookshelf closed behind them.

Within a few dozen feet they came to a staircase, which was long enough to take them to the vicinity of first floor of the palace. At the bottom of that was a different set of steps, made out of stone, leading below ground. These went down for quite a distance, until the four of them began to lose track of how long they'd been walking. But eventually they arrived at the bottom, where they found a wide tunnel hewn out of rock, its walls slick with moisture. They proceeded along this passage, more quickly now as they no longer had to walk single file. The air became warmer, and the walls drier, and the noises grew louder, until eventually they could see a faint reddish glow in the distance, which turned out to be the end of the tunnel.

"So this is what Hell looks like", observed Fromage. They stood on the lip of a vast chasm filled with fire. "Pretty much like the pictures... only without the red devils with the horns and the pitchforks." Just then a red devil with wicked looking horns ran by, wielding a pitchfork and laughing maniacally. He was chasing a screaming man in a tattered three piece suit. "Ok exactly like the pictures then", Fromage conceded. "I suppose it has its charms, if you like this kind of thing".

"It's not my favorite place either", Quetzal agreed morosely. "Let's find Asmodeus and get this over with so we can go home."

A second demon appeared, ambling through the scorching flames, sipping a can of celery soda. He was wearing a stained T-shirt at least two sizes too small for him, with "The Bachelorette" emblazoned across it in hot pink. As he drew closer it became obvious that the stains on the shirt, and also on his lime green parachute pants, were blood.

Clarissa scrambled down the side of the pit, lifting her skirts to avoid catching them on fire. She smiled winsomely at the demon. Quetzal couldn't help but notice that the heat of the flames somehow made her look even more beautiful. "Hello!", she chirped, "My name is Clarissa Lightwood. My friends and I seek an audience with your master, Asmodeus".

The demon looked quite taken aback. He stood and stared at her for a long moment. Then he looked away, took another swig of celery soda, belched unapologetically, and resumed his overfamiliar assessment of her person, his eyes moving up and down her body in an insultingly suggestive manner. "Not bad", he declared obnoxiously. "Not bad at all." Then his brow furrowed, in obvious distaste. "Too much clothing though."

Clarissa's mouth tightened, but that was all the sign of displeasure she gave. Apparently her grandmother had warned her about the manners of demons; or lack thereof. "Thank you", she said evenly. "It's gratifying to hear that you approve of my physical dimensions. Perhaps Asmodeus would as well?"

The demon looked startled again, then laughed. "Asmodeus!" he chortled. "Hey everyone, this luscious morsel of a human girl is asking to speak with Asmodeus!!!"

Peals of demonic laughter echoed from every direction, as the demon threw his celery soda into the air and fell to the ground, overcome by paroxysms of mirth.

A female demon appeared, holding her stomach, her eyes brimming over with tears as she fought valiantly to control her amusement. She looked at the four of them, two bemused humans and two has-been gods, and doubled over with laughter, pointing at them with one clawed finger. "You... your faces...", she gasped, "Hah, heh hunh..."

"What in Heaven could possibly be so funny about the word 'Asmodeus'?" Clarissa demanded, beginning to lose her temper.

At the word 'Heaven', all the demons seemed to sober up somewhat, though snickers and chortles and the occasional peal of hysterical laughter could still be heard at odd intervals. The demoness straightened up and looked them over once more, her lips quirking with suppressed laughter. "Asmodeus is SO five minutes ago", she sniped. Then she looked pensive. "Or maybe a couple thousand years, I'm not sure. Time is hard to quantify here. Come with me, I'll take you where you want to go".

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©2018 Bennett Italia, all rights reserved.

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