Giving Too Much of Yourself to Others

Today, I had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful woman from my church that has been absent from church recently due to severe medical issues that require emergency surgery.

Some friends and I went to visit her to see how she’s doing and to offer her whatever help we could while she is dealing with these unexpected challenges.

Photo by Todd Cravens on Unsplash

What we found was not quite what we expected:

Yelling in the Front Yard

Yup, you’ve got that right!

I was the first of three to arrive at the house and the craziness that I encountered was a little crazy.

I pulled up to the house to find this young woman in the front yard screaming at a younger woman at the top of her lungs as the other woman yelled right back at her.

Both were sweaty and quite red in the face… I had no idea how to react to this situation at all!

After thinking on it briefly (about 5 seconds), I ran over and pulled the two women apart before the situation could escalate into something physical.

I had never met either of these women before so putting my hands on them to pull them apart might not have been the smartest thing to do but it’s done now.

Resolving Conflict

These women were apparently yelling at each other because both of them are unofficial caregivers for the elderly neighbor woman that is 92 years old.

The woman from my church is pretty much providing 24/7 as needed care whereas the other woman checks on the neighbor 4-6 hours per week.

The woman that provides 4-6 hours per week believes that she should be paid what the other woman is being paid that provides 24/7 care and keeps trying to steal money out of the old woman’s purse as “Compensation.”

Photo by Olga DeLawrence on Unsplash

One of the main problems here is that the elderly neighbor is starting to have memory problems so she insists that the younger woman that has been stealing from her is a saint and has done nothing wrong. She refuses to press charges for the theft because she doesn’t remember it actually happening.

This is a tough situation to be in for everyone involved really.
My new friend is frustrated because she has become friends with the elderly neighbor and wants to do what is right by her, can’t blame her for that!

But, this entire situation is impacting her health and the wellbeing of her family because she’s upset and her family can sense her distress.

Learning to Set Boundaries

If this woman is having memory issues (the neighbor), she should likely be in a full time care center and her family should make arrangements for that so no one else has the chance to take advantage of her or her finances.

The guidance that we gave to our friend is that she should contact the family and suggest they consider putting her into a home. She would still be able to visit and help out when she is needed but wouldn’t have so much responsibility.

Sometimes, we want to help others so much that we can’t see when it is impacting our health and family relationships.

Our cup has to be full first before we can give the excess to someone else. So, it’s a-okay to take care of yourself first before giving of ourselves to others.

What would you do in this situation?

(The cops have been called already but the neighbor won’t press charges because she doesn’t remember what happened. )

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks for reading,

Ivy

The @helpie community is growing! If you are a community-centered person and want to be part of a great community dedicated to helping others grow then follow @helpie for more information, leave a comment on this post, or reach out to me on Discord at socent#3214.

Are you a military veteran that believes in community and in the Steemit platform? We have an awesome community of vets on Discord. If interested, send me a message on Discord at socent#3214.

I recently became a mentor for Promo Mentors every Tuesday at 11am EST if anyone needs some posts checked out! I really enjoy the community and how helpful everyone is :)