Freewrite Day 636 Underground Stalagmites

I have been underground with stalagmites near San Antonio Texas. I was on trip for the US Navy with my son who was about 15 years old. We went early and stayed the next weekend, so we had time to tour around.

I was about the fattest I ever was, and very ill on that trip. I was attending a conference for a Military Association, and the work days were difficult and long.

When you go down in a big wet cave for a couple of hours, you have to climb back out again. I was not thinking of this until we got to the place where we needed to climb up about 400 wet steps.

It took me an eternity to get back to the top. I had to stop after every ten steps or so to catch my breath. At that time of my life I avoided stairs, but here there was no choice. I was drenched in sweat and gasping.

My son has severe pstd because of what he went through with my obesity. This is one of the times that scared him badly. I was worried about getting to the top. He was almost in tears the whole time. I was too sick to help him or calm his nerves. What could I have done anyway?

Today I am scrambling for money to pay my rent. Someone suggested selling STEEMmonster cards, and so I started to look into it. Someone else connected with my son on discord about it, not realizing I am now working the bxlphabet account on STEEM.

Well, my son is so upset now. He told me I am selling cards to “stuff my big fat face.” This means he is remembering me fat.

I have barely heard from him in months, if not years. I am the biggest trigger of his ptsd and this is a primary reason I left the US when I did. When he sees me, he feels fear. He can't read what I write, or stand to hear me talk.

He also told me today that wherever he is living has no shower, no laundry, and no food. He went to a doctor about the genetic heart condition we share and they told him he would be dead by 35.

They told me I would be dead in six months when my son was three years old. Almost 30 years later, and I am still here.

Praying I hear from my son again, and that he finds the strength to carry on.

And no, I do not have enough money to pay the rent, so I need to carry on too.

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Thank you so much for your attention,

Sharon @fitinfun @fitinfunfood @bxlphabet

Discord:
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My post is for the #freewrite daily challenge by @mariannewest. Freewrite is a great way to post on STEEM when you do not think you have the time, or talent, or anything to say. It’s a great way to start regular posting, and I know you can do this too! Here is Marianne’s freewrite prompt post for today. Give it a try and surprise yourself.