[Knowledge Blast] : Braving The Wilderness by Brené Brown

To belong

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Whenever you flick on the news or click onto a webpage to check out the daily happenings, you are reminded of how divided we have all become.

We have fallen into beliefs that the internet and modern technologies will bring us all closer together. The truth is that the internet has made it significantly easier for us to find people with similar views and opinions to our own.

When we form loose connections within groups over the internet, without any meaningful and personal interaction, it leads us down a more isolated and lonely path.

Gaining a true sense of belonging starts with yourself.

When we stop seeking out the approval and acceptance of others, we stop using unnecessary energy. People can start to feel hate towards themselves when they spend so much time and effort within a community and they receive nothing in return. When someone tries so hard to seek out the approval of others, by being someone they aren't, they can send themselves into a downward spiral.

Enter the wild

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Everybody has uncomfortable situations surrounding their lives on the daily. There is a road that is simple, minimal effort and comfortable. Then the other, which leaves the off-ramp and heads off into the wilderness.

The metaphorical wilderness is any unknown territory that lies outside your comfort zone. Somewhere you aren't used to, a place where you confront your uncertainties and vulnerabilities.

Our trip into the wilderness is what defines us. When we handle uncomfortable situations well, challenge perspectives uncommon to us and we shape our path to self-discovery, we are able to strengthen our own sense of belonging to the world.

"Your path is created with every step you take." - Joseph Campbell

Wild child

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The wilderness is a daunting place for anybody, especially when we perceive it as a metaphorical constraint within our reality. Entering the wilderness with a mind well prepared can make all the difference.

When you are controlled by your fears and you limit your interactions, you will end up avoiding painful and difficult situations. Curiosity is what you should be led by. The curiosity to experience and enjoy new things. When you tackle difficult situations head-on and subtract them from your mind, you leave more openings for joy.

Do you trust others? The majority of people will quickly say no, it's not uncommon and it somewhat makes sense. Many people have been ridiculed, humiliated and let down by someone before, this makes trusting others very difficult. The truth is, we need to let ourselves become vulnerable to the actions of others so that we can shed the doubt and uncertainty surrounding ourselves.

The author describes seven traits that makes somebody trustworthy. You can adapt to these to develop how you practice trust.

Reliability, owning mistakes, respecting boundaries, keeping confidential information safe, making decisions with integrity, being non-judgemental of others and being generous.

Going Loopy

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Us humans always tend to gravitate towards a group that makes us feel less alone. We surround ourselves with the familiar, we follow what we are interested in and we engage with our TV's, phones or magazines to the point where we form a bubble around ourselves.

Inside the bubble, we are always reflecting on opinions that we already have and we're shutting out any outside information that would further challenge our views.

We're stuck in a feedback loop!

Finding a community that unites us is very beneficial and I feel as though Steemit is just that. We all share our views and opinions in a safe manner that aren't censored. We have the ability to share different perspectives to a massive amount of people on a daily basis. When we don't succumb to the mass media and we can narrate and guide our mindset, we have the keys to paradise in our pockets and we can make anything possible.

To also explain briefly how feedback loops can be beneficial I'll drop this here:

'I think it's very important to have a feedback loop, where you're constantly thinking about what you've done and how you could be doing it better.' - Elon Musk

Red pill or the blue pill?

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If you've seen the movie, The Matrix, you may be familiar with the scene where Neo is offered the colored pill which will decide his fate.

After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I'm offering is the truth.

Did you swallow the red pill? Are you in the reality where you know how we are influenced and what certain people will do to make sure we don't figure out too much?

Would you of rather take the blue pill? Or in our case, played blissfully ignorant. Whatever the case, if you have made it this far through the post, you know enough already.

If we want to find our sense of belonging in this world and we don't want to become divided, we have to focus on our first hand experiences and not be as quick to judge others and their beliefs.

"The word 'paradox' cuts right to the heart of what it means to break out of our ideological bunkers, stand on our own, and brave the wilderness."

Don't bottle it up

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Being in a grudge with somebody is a great way to exhaust yourself. When you bottle up all your anger and you don't reflect on your emotions correctly, you will build up resentment within yourself and you'll find it very hard to express joy.

Back to what I was saying about being vulnerable... when you feel angry towards something or someone, it is better for you to express it in some way or another, rather than bottling it up inside. When you are unable to express your feelings of anger, you increase the likelihood of it coming out in the form of violence, oppression or revenge.

The author Antoine Leris lost his wife at the attacks in Paris in 2015. Rather than giving in to the anger and turning into a fearful person, Antoine approached his emotions differently. He wrote a letter, 'You Will Not Have My Hate', in which he explained to the murderers that although they had stolen the love of his life, himself and his 17 month old son would carry on their lives in peace. Such an act that wasn't reactionary to the event and was his own way of creating his belonging.

Take aways

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I think there is a great deal to be gained from these readings. Everyone at some point in time has to reflect back at where they stand in the world and sometimes it's difficult to realise where you truly do belong.

If we can refrain from dehumanizing others and we can focus on unity and growing together, we can all benefit from communities that strive to better one another.

We all have an amazing opportunity in life and throughout the years we will discover more about who we are, in turn, finding where we belong.

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Images taken from Pixabay.com & Amazon.

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Critiqued and various edits provided by @CoachJJ - 26/02/18