My Teacher Made Me Feel Wrong and Stupid - Finding A Trigger Point - The Story of What Happened
When I was in elementary school, there were a lot of things for which I felt powerless. I was just a child after all and had no authority whatsoever. I did not know my rights as a person and had little self-confidence and therefore, would rarely ever stand up for myself. As I grew older, certain things that had stayed with me from back then, which to a child could have caused enough unease to become a slight to my self-esteem, became subconscious thought, and then became forgotten events.
I had no power as a child, I had to listen to authority in a system that did not serve me, a system that shunned people who were more creative and artistic rather than those who had good grades or good memory. I had ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and Dyslexia. My mother taught me to read, not the school. As an adult, I can see through this system of education which is a brainwash system of indoctrination and decide to home school or not. Back then, I had to do what I was told.
When I got older, some of these events that had gone to the back of my memory, left imprints, and I willingly gave up my inner power to other people, be they parent, boss or even abuser. Now I know better.
I want to talk about a particular event that came up as the source of a trigger point in my EFT session earlier today. The trigger caused me to feel stupid and wrong. I thought I had been triggered due to my abusive relationship. Tapping and exploring further, I went back to Grade 5. (The image is of me pressing on one of the Tapping points.)
The assignment we had been given by our teacher was to put toilet paper (preferably labelled "bio-degradable") into mason jars filled with water and to observe for the next couple of weeks how it changed. We had to write down our observations. I have more of a creative mind, and I know that back then, despite being a well spoken writer today, I had trouble writing and making sense, but I had fun with this project. Why? I was creative with it. My observations were far from scientific or logical. I observed what I SAW, how it shifted day to day, I compared it to nature. So that toilet paper was a cloud in the water, it was a creature, it was the essence of fairy dust. I forget exactly everything I wrote, I used my imagination because that is how I am. And if I had to do the assignment today, I'd do the SAME thing. Perhaps I'd elaborate a bit more and create more of a backstory to a creature character, but it would not be logical or scientific at all.
The teacher, once the allocated time period had elapsed and once she had checked all our observations, selected five papers that she deemed STUPID and WRONG. She didn't say it in those exact words per se, but she made it very clear that those five were ridiculous and she READ IT OUT LOUD TO THE WHOLE CLASS. Without mentioning any names though, but she still read them all. And everybody laughed at the "stupidity" I had written. I felt completely humiliated. Of course, I didn't want to be singled out or the odd one or found out that one of those five were mine, so I laughed too, laughing at myself as though I thought whoever had written this was the dumbest person on earth. The other four, I don't know who they were, but I laughed too, again not to be singled out, and they must've thought that I thought their observations were stupid too. I feel bad, I didn't want to laugh at the others, I didn't want people to laugh at me. I realise today that I feel sorry towards those other four, I don't want them to think that what they wrote was stupid or that they are stupid or wrong. I felt stupid and wrong.
THIS is wrong. What the teacher did is completely wrong! It should not happen. But it did. If one of my step-kids were to come home and tell us something like this happened, I would be writing to that teacher, and Frank would need to be checking my e-mail to make sure my language is not as colourful as I would probably want it to be.
Maybe my teacher was ignorant, maybe she didn't realise that this humiliation was borderline abusive and that it was stupid and wrong for her to make us feel stupid and wrong. Or maybe she knew very well the impact and thought it would be a good lesson for us to learn to be more intelligent. I don't care about her reasons. She was, on the most part, nice as far as I can remember, but this was inexcusable, despicable, and for that, I can say: "Screw you! I am not wrong or stupid for being creative, for having an imagination rather than a high IQ. Stuff your marks and your humiliation, because I am worth so much more than the degraded emotions your actions instilled in me back then."
To parents reading this: How would you react if you found out from your child something like this had occurred? To the teachers reading this: Is this something you think should be part of the education a teacher implements, or are you as appalled as I am that this could even be allowed and not reported?
If anyone I knew back then is on Steemit (I don't think so, but if ever), I'm sorry I laughed at you. You are not wrong, you are not stupid. Our teacher was wrong to humiliate us. We were powerless, we were only 11 or 10 years old. We don't all have the same gifts, and you will shine brighter through your true gifts than anyone who has ever underestimated you.
What happened back then, should not happen... EVER. Teachers should not be permitted to single out students' work and humiliate them in front of the whole class, regardless whether it's anonymous, the student knows their work. Teachers should not laugh at students whose work they deem unworthy. Instead, they should seek to understand what it was the student did not understand or seek to find out where the student was coming from, to understand their mind.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this story with you. Perhaps this will spread awareness of things that go on in schools to which we may never know because our children feel so ashamed of themselves they don't even talk about it because they feel stupid and wrong. We need to remind our children and step-children that they are not wrong, they are not stupid, no matter what the authorities of society or the schooling system have decided.
This is one of the reasons that I took the profession of teaching. I want to change the system on the inside. I tried new ways on teaching and include encouragement and guess what. Even if I flunk some of my students, they did not feel down. They were even happy because they know I did everything to help them and the fault is on themselves. Students can never be defined only by just paper. Most teachers forget that.
I agree. In High School I had much better teachers on the most part and they encouraged me despite my learning disabilities. They knew as well as I did that as long as I got the minimum of 60% at the end of the year, I would move on to the next level and they did all they could to ensure where I would fail, I would understand why and get better so that in those exams that count for the most, I would pass. Those were good teachers.
This is a great post. I feel like there is so much trauma created by our "education" system, especially during those critical early years. It is not a safe place where kids can be vulnerable and feel safe. Creativity and expression are stifled and the all to important traits required for learning, curiosity and the joy of discovery, are squashed.
Thanks for sharing your story, it reminded me of a similar shame story from my early years. I belive it was about 4th grade or so. It happened at a school dance. I was just out on the floor doing my thing (which probably looked like a flailing monkey) but regardless, I distinctly remember being laughed at by the teachers and other kids and from that point on I withdrew to protect myself from that feeling.
It wasn't just a withdraw from dance though, it was from many areas of my life. That moment taught me that allowing for my true expression to come out was not safe and that seriously hampered my growth in so many areas for sometime.
I did eventually overcome it, but always felt that there was just no need for it to began with.
Thank you for sharing your story. That is a terrible thing to experience at that age. The teachers should have been the ones to quell the other kids from laughing and encouraged you to continue. This sort of goes to Freedom of Expression, as long as it fits the standards and norms of those around you, which is a hindrance on true Freedom of Expression. I've been to clubs when I was younger where various groups of people danced in strange ways. Have you ever seen Goths dancing? It's their way to express themselves and so if it's fine for them, why should it not be fine for kids, you know.
Thanks again for sharing :)
This line literally brought a tear to my eye because it rang so true for me too. That statement really speaks to your strength of character and assuredness of your self worth now. It made me so sad to read your experience because I have also had shaming moments from teachers and Im afraid we aren’t the exception. 😞
Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. I hope it helps spark some much needed discussion.
Thank you. There is much that we realise when we get older that those of us who do realise these things, can help others come to the same understandings so that this sort of thing happens to less people.
in other words tell them they're awesome!
and make them feel ten feet tall
and if we have to correct their mistakes - at least - use a positive statement or an encouraging one !
I hope you're tapping on the right place :D
hehe yeah ;) Positive statements are very important. We want to teach children that failure is part of self-growth and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Otherwise, they'll learn to be quitters or won't even want to try.